Steph & Dom solves problems of your sex, love and life: my wife has dementia and I met another person

An anonymous reader asked Steph and Dom for advice after he admitted to cheating on his wife, who has dementia (file photo)

Steph and Dom Parker, 51 and 53 years old, turn to their 20 years of marriage to solve their relationship problems. . .

I need advice. Maybe I'm looking for approval. I'm 63 years old. My wife is 77 years old and we have been married for 25 years. She has dementia at an early stage.

You can wash, cook, clean, buy and drive a car, but your short-term memory is shot to hell and I miss the woman I fell in love with.

I am officially your caregiver and, with your permission, I go on vacation twice a year and have forged a secret and long distance relationship with a woman I met abroad.

An anonymous reader asked Steph and Dom for advice after he admitted to cheating on his wife, who has dementia (file photo)

An anonymous reader asked Steph and Dom for advice after he admitted to cheating on his wife, who has dementia (file photo)

Recently, I escaped an extra weekend to be with her.

I have made it clear to the other woman that my wife comes first and that she seems to accept this.

But I feel so bad, I have two women. I want to tell my wife.

Maybe she would accept the situation, but then, of course, she could be so hurt.

She knows she has memory problems and encourages me to leave for several weeks. I'll be back, with the batteries recharged and ready to take care of it.

She lost her sexual desire and encourages me to "have fun, but do not talk about it".

What should I do?

STEPH SAYS: I spent three days thinking about how to respond to your letter.

It was difficult for me to read and I wanted to be sure of how I felt before I answered you. But I keep coming back to the same thing: Until death do us part.

You seem to want our permission, but I think you already know you're not going to get it. You know that your behavior is not appropriate.

The husband and wife reminded the man of his promise and urged him to take care of his wife

The husband and wife reminded the man of his promise and urged him to take care of his wife

The husband and wife reminded the man of his promise and urged him to take care of his wife

Of course, I do not think you should tell him and, of course, I think you should not see another person. It just is not on.

However, although I do not approve of your behavior, I understand that it must be heartbreaking to feel that you are losing the woman you fell in love with.

But remember, your wife is still the same woman.

Deep down you know it and I wonder if your actions are, in fact, your pain talking. It may be that you are trying to escape your pain with this matter.

I urge you to consider if this is the case and, if so, stop doing it.

You are in a very, very difficult place at this moment, but I emphatically suggest that you face your pain, for the sake of your wife, and for your own peace of mind.

Unfortunately, there will be time to mourn your marriage in the future, but the time is not now.

And there will be time to move on and find a new life for you, but that moment is not now.

My advice to you is to help you support and take care of your wife.

I appreciate how difficult it is to care for a loved one who can not take care of himself, I really believe it, and I understand that sometimes you want to run away, but I'm afraid it's not something you can do.

This is incredibly difficult. It must be almost impossible to see the person you love to disintegrate, but for your own emotional and mental well-being, now and in the future, the adventure ends and pay your undivided attention and attention to your wife.

My advice is that you dedicate yourself to support and take care of your wife

Make sure she spends the rest of her life feeling loved.

For the time being, he can still tell him that everything is fine and that he does not worry.

For the moment, one can be forgiven for the mistakes she knows, but she will not always be able to do that and, when it's just you, I think you'll find that knowing that she did absolutely everything she could to make your wife feel so loved and cared for as possible and help you heal.

Take control of your care now and I think it will help you control your own pain in the future.

DOM SAYS: First, let me thank you for writing us. It probably took a lot of courage to do it. I am very sorry to know that your wife's health is declining.

It is never easy for a lover to become a caregiver. It makes the relationship difficult in all kinds of ways.

However, it seems to me that you are looking for us to affirm that you are doing the right thing.

And I'm not sure you want to hear what I have to say, because I'm afraid I can not try to make you feel better by telling you that what you're doing is fine. I just do not think it is.

I'm afraid that when his wife says, "Have fun," he does it because he feels insecure. She may be terrified that you are going to leave her.

You say you've been married for 25 years and, I suppose, happily. So you have enjoyed your health and now, very sadly, you must endure the disease

I am sure you want to believe that everything is fine, even if it is not, and it is your responsibility to make sure that, to the extent that you are within your capacity to do so, so be it.

You should not tell your wife about this other woman, in fact, you should get rid of her. Now.

So, I urge you to think again about your wedding day and think about your vows.

That day, he committed himself to love his wife, and she to you, in sickness and in health.

You say you've been married for 25 years and, I suppose, happily. So . . . You have enjoyed health and now, very sadly, you must endure the disease.

But you must do it without causing more anguish to your wife than she is already suffering.

No more long-distance relationships, secret or otherwise.

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