Steph & Dom solve your problems with sex, love and life: our vacation was a disaster – do we have to separate?
TVs Steph and Dom Parker, 52 and 54, draw on their 21-year marriage to solve your relationship problems. . .
Q: I have just returned from a vacation in the Canary Islands with my boyfriend. It was the first time we were gone together. I’m 41, he’s 48 – and it was a disaster. Our flight was delayed and our car was canceled. He shouted at the lady on the desk. I was ashamed. This happened everywhere we went. It was just awful. We also argued about what we had to do during the day. I wanted to go sightseeing, but he refused to get up before 11 am and just wanted to laze around and drink beer. We stayed at the hotel the entire time.
I also hated the hotel. He wanted somewhere cheap and I wanted a five star. This was an unfortunate compromise.
By the end of the week he was driving me crazy. It’s such a shame, because I thought maybe he was the one. But now I doubt everything. Do I have to end things? What do you think?
An anonymous reader asked Steph and Dom Parker for advice about a disastrous first vacation with her boyfriend (file image)
STEPH SAYS: I believe the only way to really get to know the person you are dating is by traveling together for at least a week. The first vacation looks a bit like a dress rehearsal for the rest of your relationship. It is the only way to see behind a carefully assembled facade and really see the person inside – so it is an absolutely essential test.
I am sorry that the result was so disappointing, but it is much better to know now than in six months. You are 41, who is still young, but not as young as you hope to marry and mate.
If children are a priority for you, you have no time to waste. And if kids aren’t on your radar, well, then you still don’t have time to waste! None of us do that. Life is too short to spend with someone who is rude to people.
That brings me to an important point. You talk about your friend yelling at the staff. The answer to your question is there.
Do you have to break your relationship with someone who is rude to other people? Yes! Of course. If he is unkind to others, he will be unkind to you. And how could you respect someone who behaves that way?
Good manners are important and someone who misses them is not worth your time. So without a doubt I think you should go further. Then you have to analyze what you have learned about yourself and who you want to be with in the future.
Steph (photo left with Dom) advised the reader to end the relationship and stated that if the friend is unfriendly to others, he will be unfriendly to you
You may have made a mistake by losing so much at the hotel. I understand why you did that, but at least you know what you want from a vacation – even if you still have to decide what you want from a man! I’m guessing you work hard and if you want to be pampered for a week and you can afford it, that’s what you have to do.
We all have to choose our struggle in relationships, but going on vacation that you know you don’t like will never end well, so it’s worth fighting for what you want.
I think it’s time to be honest with your partner, so I’d agree to have a quiet drink somewhere.
Be brave, kind and polite. Tell him that you see no future with him.
Yes! He passed the first holiday test
You both know that the journey was a disaster, but you must be the one brave enough to call it. Explain to him that after your experience together it is clear that you are incompatible.
Holidays are supposed to be one of the highlights of our lives. Why spend the rest of you with someone who makes you – and others – miserable? Gently lower it and book your next vacation right away!
DOM SAYS: This is a big shame. I am sorry that your relationship went wrong, especially since it has all gone so well so far.
From what you have told me about your friend’s behavior, he is clearly not a good traveler – and you cannot base him on that. Delays and hiccups can cause stress to everyone. That said, he shouldn’t have yelled at the person at the desk or even at anyone. There is no excuse for such behavior.
Dom (photo) told the reader that if she really liked her boyfriend, the rating of the hotel didn’t make much difference, he suggests throwing a coin to decide if they will separate
However, I don’t think you should criticize him for not wanting to do much else than lazing around, lazing around and drinking a beer. Steph and I love our vacation, just like everyone else, and none of us loves sightseeing. We are usually exhausted when we actually get a vacation. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend your time on vacation relaxing with a beer.
If you choose an all-inclusive hotel, whether it is one star or five stars, the point is that you do not have to leave. So I don’t think it’s fair to call that poor guy there, either.
You may have had a slightly firmer foot when it came to choosing the hotel. If you knew you wouldn’t like it, it was time to say this before you booked.
That said, I hope you’re fake because he could easily have spent more on something enthusiast, but chose to be tight. It would be incredibly unfair for you to complain about the hotel if it were all he could afford.
There is no pleasure in going somewhere beyond your budget – squeezing sandwiches for lunch from the breakfast buffet is not fun for anyone. So it should definitely be forgiven him for the boring hotel if it was the only one within his reach.
Throw a coin and see how you feel
The thing is, if you really liked it, I doubt if the star rating would have been so important or not at all. And that tells me you’re just not in love with him. But you don’t seem so sure.
So what I propose is this. Toss a coin. Heads you leave him, tails you stay. Then listen to your feelings with the answer. If your heart sinks to what the coin tells you, do the opposite.
If you end up staying together, you have two choices: vacationing separately – which I don’t think is a good idea – or finding a middle ground. If he wants to sleep until 11 am and you want to get up at the crack of the day, then both do what you want.
You don’t have to sit on the hip all the time. You can go sightseeing while staying by the pool.
But only if you love him. If not, do not waste your valuable vacation time or other time with the wrong person.
If you have a question Steph and Dom want to answer, write to: stephanddom @ dailymail.co.uk