TV & # 39; s Steph and Dom Parker, 51 and 54, sign on them 20 years of marriage to resolve your relationship problems. . .
Q: I'm 46 and have been happily married to my husband for 17 years. We have two daughters, seven and ten.
He has recently become obsessed with the gym. It is so strange in character. He never used to train, but last year he started feeling quite self-conscious that he had gained weight. (I had noticed that he had a bit of a beer belly.) So in January he signed up at a local gym. I was supportive, but I never expected him to accept it as he did.
He goes at least three or four times a week, often on weekends, because he works late on weekdays. This is really difficult because this is the time for the family for me. Moreover, he has become so vain.
Now he cooks separately for the family, which really works on my nerves. His healthy eating and training routine makes me feel like he's condemning me. What would you do?
An anonymous reader asked TV & Steps and Dom Parker for advice about her husband who became obsessed with the gym (file image)
STEPH SAYS: So you are a & # 39; gym widow & # 39 ;. I know many women who have complained about golf or rugby widows, but this, I must say, is a new one for me. And I don't buy it at all.
Normally, when women complain about the fact that their husband disappears for the sport, it is because they have been away for hours and usually go halfway, but it is not.
I assume his gym sessions last about an hour, and he doesn't watch sports and goes to the pub – he gets fit! No, no, there is more going on than it seems.
It is clear that you expect me to sympathize with you, that I advise you to tell your negligent husband that he must tackle his ideas and give you more attention. But I'm afraid I'll disappoint.
I don't think he's the problem – I think so. Your husband has a healthy and healthy response to the realization that we are all mortal.
The wrong side of 45 brings many beautiful things with it. . . and the terrifying prospect of aging. Ultimately, we all have to deal with it, and getting as fit as possible seems like the best response to the fear we all face.
Your husband has probably been fat and happy for many years, which is great.
Steph (pictured left with Dom) advised the mother of two to get involved in her husband's efforts in the field of healthy lifestyle (file image)
But now he is no longer happy and he has decided to take matters into his own hands. Why don't you stand next to him to cheer on him?
I suspect the answer is because his action emphasizes your own passivity. His fitness shows you, well, fatness? You say that you are afraid that he will judge you. He loves you and I am sure he is not, but here is the thing – you judge yourself and find yourself failing.
I don't think for a second that your husband is going to roll with a flat-tummied creature from the gym.
He is not the problem – you are!
He loves you. You have been happily married for 17 years. And we all change what we look like as we get older. The package on the outside can pick up a few dents and dents on the way, but it doesn't change who we are inside.
But at the moment, inside, you are not happy. You actually feel pretty insecure. So I say control.
I understand your reluctance to go to the gym – I hate the gym. But put that aside. This is about your health and your marriage. Don't let your husband change his life without you. You have to participate. You must both be fit and healthy so that you can live a long and happy life together. Turn this into a project for both of you.
DOM SAYS: You do not say how old your husband is, but if he is your age, or a few years older, I would guarantee that I know what he is feeling.
I certainly remember 50 popping up in the mirror and thinking it was time to quit smoking, cut back on drinks, and dust off gym membership.
Of course I didn't do any of those things, but I certainly thought about it! Your husband deserves praise because he really continues with the good intentions that many of us have.
It sounds like a classic to me, and it has to be said, a rather mild crisis in the midlife circuit.
Dom (photo) urged the reader to support her husband more and suggested that he could experience the male menopause
The male body also changes to midlife, you know. The male menopause is very real and maybe your husband felt low over his body.
Maybe he wasn't feeling well and decided it was time to take his health seriously.
To be honest, I think you should support more. It is almost no sin to want to take better care of yourself? I confess that I am not at all interested in going to the gym, but I understand that once you have developed the habit, it can be quite addictive.
All that charging calls your endorphins a boost and people can get pretty addicted to the naturally high feeling it gives.
And like any routine, if your husband is used to going to the gym three or four times a week, he will feel bad again if he skips a day here or there.
This is a classic male midlife crisis
Again, I have trouble seeing why the poor guy is doing something wrong.
Of course there is always the possibility that there is a bad reason to go to the gym.
His renewed dedication may not be for the cross trainer, but for his personal trainer or, indeed, another gym rabbit.
He may have felt a bit in love – or more – with one of his fellow Lycra-dressed practice junkies.
But it's probably unlikely. If that were the case, you would certainly have noticed other changes.
If he & # 39; mentionitis & # 39; develops about the woman who leads the spin class, then you might have a bigger problem, but if everything else is equal, I wouldn't make too much of a fuss.
The only thing I sympathize with is the fact that he seems to be leaving you and the children a bit.
Change the activity to make it suitable for the family, but try not to stop the activity itself. Why the hell would you do that? Time to box and also to attract your trainers!
If you have a question that you want Steph and Dom to handle, write to: stephanddom @dailymail.co.uk
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