Steph & Dom solve your problems with sex, love and life: my friend is richer than me and it is a problem
TV & # 39; s Steph and Dom Parker, 52 and 54, sign on them 20 years of marriage to resolve your relationship problems. . .
Q: I'm 44 and dating a very nice man I met online. We have a lot in common and can find it very well. The thing is, he is a successful lawyer and likes going to fancy restaurants, bars and hotels.
In the beginning I thought this was great too: he spoils me and I feel so special. But we've been on the road for about four months now, and I'm afraid it will start to affect our relationship dynamics. The capital balance lies with him. Sometimes I offer to pay, and he leaves it to me, but to be honest, I can't pay and I feel I can't keep up.
I also had to spray clothes and beauty treatments for this data, which cost me a bomb.
It all goes on my credit card and that puts me under pressure. I have a good job in marketing, but I don't earn as much as he does. I'm starting to feel small. What should I do?
An anonymous reader asked for advice with her four-month friend, who is a successful lawyer. She feels the balance of power lies with him as he earns more (stock photo)
Well, this is interesting! From your letter I have absolutely no idea who your friend is, apart from the fact that he is a wealthy lawyer. (And I have yet to meet someone who is not.) This should really be a positive – no reason to write to ask for advice.
However, it is clear that the inequality in your income blurs everything about your relationship and that it seems that you are interchanging your emotional response to the man with your emotional response to his wallet.
So how do you really feel about him? I'm not sure if you know. You seem so hard to try yourself & # 39; worthy & # 39; to make him and his dizzying social circle – and at the same time incur large debts – that you have lost sight of the man.
You say you are okay, but you have to ask yourself a few difficult questions: are you excited about spending time with him or are you going for a cocktail at the Sanderson Hotel? Does he love you because you look beautiful on his arm or because you are yourself? Frankly, I am not sure if this amount of muscle pain is a good omen after just four months. Do you really need a new outfit for every date? Take a deep breath and have the confidence to be the lily without gilding.
Steph (pictured left with Dom) advised the reader to talk to her boyfriend and tell him her worries
It is a measure of how far women have come that we can be uncertain about our income compared to that of our men. Our mothers did not think so and our grandmothers would not have dreamed of securing a similar wage.
In principle it is good to be competitive with men about money, but in this case the reality is that you are not a lawyer, so you cannot expect to keep up with him financially. Given this blunt truth, you need to address your uncertainty whether you end the relationship.
It is only by talking to him that you know which way to go. Tell him honestly that you cannot afford to keep up with his lifestyle. The truth is the basis for any relationship and at this early moment it would be fatal to build on half truths and lies.
I think his answer will tell you if he is a keeper.
If Mr Moneybags turns around and says: I would rather have a trophy friend than a real woman, then he is not the man for you. But if he's a decent type, then it's the last time he's got so much fear for you.
A decent man will sympathize, possibly apologize, and propose alternative dates that won't make you feel rotten. If you're right, he doesn't care how often you wear your hair or what you wear. He just wants to spend time with you. Fingers crossed!
Dom (photo) urged the reader to ask a few difficult questions: is she enthusiastic about spending time with him, or going for a cocktail at the Sanderson Hotel?
First of all, I am happy for you. You have a & # 39; beautiful man & # 39; and you clearly have a lot of fun together. He sounds like an old-fashioned type and on one level you should definitely consider his behavior as a compliment – he spoils you rotten because he likes to see you and desperately wants to impress you.
And yet I also understand your awkwardness. He is old-school in his approach to courtship, but you don't do that, and you start to feel uncomfortable with all that lush entertainment. In your mind it has become a matter of power.
He thinks that drinking vintage champagne in a chic hotel bar is the surest way to your heart, but for you it has become a source of guilt and worry. At the basis of this is your feeling of having to connect with what he wants to do. You think he who pays the piper calls up the tune.
But you have the power to stop it. It may require a fairly nuanced conversation (I might feel somewhat offended if my attempts to defeat a lady are rejected on the grounds of excessive generosity), but it seems fixable.
Yes, your relationship is still in its infancy, but what it certainly lacks is fun.
You have to withdraw some control. He shows his extravagant lifestyle as a lawyer; now you have to show him your favorite ways to have fun. They may be less blit, but they are just as valid – and your choice.
My advice is to hijack your next date. Don't wait for him to suggest a chic restaurant – first go in there and ask him to come to your house for a home-cooked meal. Tell him that the dress code is T-shirt and jeans.
Yes, your relationship is still in its infancy, but what it certainly lacks is fun. After a while, all those trendy clubs and delightfully expensive restaurants get boring. Nothing beats a night without distractions except for each other. For my money it is twice as romantic as a nice night out, and much more authentic to get to know each other.
And I'm a little worried that he's using the big flash date as a mask. It is easier to project an image when you are in public and play a role.
You say you have a lot in common, which is great, but how often have you seen it in your four months on your terms? What matters in the end is not the size of his wallet, but the kind of man he is. He must show you that too.
A publunch; a walk through the country; a romantic movie – there's nothing wrong with a cheap date. In fact, it is from these intimate, ordinary encounters that love much more general sources. Make it your way to spoil him.
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