achievement, noun, neuter (that). English for success. Positive result of an effort. And sometimes the biggest nightmare for Steam players. Rather than simply rewarding us for our in-game actions, some developers are having fun with achievements and presenting us with impossible challenges or obscure puzzles.
We have selected five games with the funniest and craziest Steam achievements for you. Do you know more? Feel free to tell us in the comments!
The Stanley Parable
The walking simulator The Stanley Parable is known for breaking with conventional gameplay and the fourth wall. So it doesn’t surprise us at all that the Steam achievements for this game are also a bit unconventional.
You only get the achievement “Go Outside” if you don’t start the game for five years. In the Deluxe Edition there are even ten! “Commitment”, on the other hand, is when you let the game run for an entire Tuesday. And yes, a whopping 2.4 percent of Steam players pulled it off.
Other achievements like “Unachievable” or “8888888888888888” don’t even give hints on what to do. Nevertheless, 21.8 percent found out that you should enter the number 8 into the boss’s computer eight times.
5.7 percent even managed the impossible and unlocked the achievement “Unachievable”. There are differing accounts as to what actually is the solution to this. Some unlock the achievement completely randomly. Others use the developer console.
The Train Simulator is one of the most popular train simulations for fans of railways and railway lines. Anyone who thought a DB ticket was expensive probably hasn’t looked at the simulation’s DLC list.
The game offers over 700 expansions. We dare not even pronounce the total amount that you would have to spend for the full gaming experience. We are now in the five-digit range! As early as 2022, the simulator scratched the 10,000 euro mark.
And that’s exactly why Train Simulator’s achievements are unlocked by so few players. If you look at the achievements that have been unlocked by less than one percent, you can see that many of them are tied to the DLCs. It seems even the die-hard railroad fans aren’t willing to butcher their piggy banks for achievements.
500 seconds doesn’t sound like much. In 8 minutes and 20 seconds you can bake a bun, steep an aromatic tea or do a few rounds in Mario Kart. But anyone who has tried planks knows how long a minute, let alone eight, can feel.
You also have to survive 500 sweaty seconds in Devil Daggers if you want to unlock the game’s only achievement. The fast shooter puts you in an arena with demonic creatures and is merciless. No wonder that so far only 0.3 percent of all players have managed to survive as long as it takes for light to reach earth from the sun.
This player managed an incredible run of 502 seconds. You can check out his Devil Dagger gameplay here:
link to YouTube content
Half Life 2: Episode 2
Escort missions in video games cause deep sighs, clicking tongues and rolling eyes all over the world. Maybe that’s why the achievement “Apollo Dwarf” in Half-Life 2: Episode 2 has only been unlocked by 8.7 percent of the players so far.
Here, however, you don’t have to accompany a human to your destination, but a … garden gnome. And throughout the game. Yes, you heard that right! You collect your little bearded friend on the first map The White Forrest and have to carry him to the end, then put him in the rocket and take him into space. One small step for mankind, one giant leap for garden decoration.
link to YouTube content
Crusader Kings 2
Paradox’s Crusader Kings series is known for creating whimsical scenarios. From deceit, intrigue to incest – nothing is sacred to the complex strategy game. A look at the achievement list reveals that the majority of achievements have been unlocked by less than 5 percent of Steam players. You wonder why?
With a character who practices Devine Marriages, the Family First achievement requires you to have your sister or brother, one parent, and one of your children as spouses at the same time. For “Papal Mache” you have to trample the Pope with elephants. Would you like a little snack? You can get the Bon Appétit! achievement by eating a character who belongs to the Bon religion.
Is it the players’ sense of morality and conscience that prevents them from unlocking the strange achievements?
Do you know any other crazy, silly or impossible Steam achievements? Have you already unlocked some of the achievements from our list yourself? Or are you not interested in achievements at all? And be honest: Which scandals have you already experienced in Crusader King? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments!