Stay-at-home-wife wannabe branded ‘lazy’ by partner

A man sparked a debate after revealing he thinks his fiancée is “lazy” because she wants to quit work to stay home even though they don’t have kids.

The 42-year-old man, believed to be from the US, revealed that he and his 33-year-old fiancé were discussing wedding plans when she asked if he would mind if she stayed home instead.

The man earns about 40 percent more than his partner, but explained that they depend on both incomes to support their lifestyle and that they would have to “scale back” if she wanted to give up her job. For her part, the woman said, ‘working a 9-5 just isn’t for me’.

The unnamed man, presumably American, revealed he called his fiancée “lazy” after she told him it was her “dream” to be a stay-at-home wife.

The unnamed man, presumably American, revealed he called his fiancée

The unnamed man, presumably American, revealed he called his fiancée “lazy” after she told him it was her “dream” to be a stay-at-home wife.

He went on to write that at that point the couple started arguing, which led to the woman leaving the house and going to her mother’s house.

“That turned into a pretty heated argument,” he said, “where she told me to ‘support her dreams’ (she never said what she wants to do with her stay at home, even though I asked), so this is where I may be the a*****e – in the heat of the moment I said “where is this from, why is it your dream to be a stay at home woman? is it your dream to be lazy? “

“That made her really angry and went to her mother and said ‘we’ll talk when you calm down a bit’.”

He concluded: ‘I will really be here, I don’t want her to be a stay at home woman, I don’t think it’s okay to be the sole breadwinner, and I don’t want to support this ‘dream’ – I want a partner in life, no dependent who does nothing productive with his days.’

Many Redditors agreed with him, with one writing: ‘NTA [not the a******]. I was a stay at home mom and no one would have called my job easy. A stay at home woman? What in the world?

‘Does she … clean herself? Visiting with friends? Ask her if your “dream” would be a stay at home man, could you do it? This is crazy! And if I were OP, I’d be thinking about getting married again soon. If she doesn’t understand where he’s from, I bet she’ll just quit or get fired once they’re married.”

Another said: ‘Lol, ‘support her dreams’. If my husband had a dream to go back to college, I would support it. If he had a dream to start his own business in an area he was passionate about, I would support it.

“If he had a dream of sitting on his ass and playing video games – being a ‘stay at home husband’ – he would soon be supporting my dream of getting a divorce. It sounds like you and your fiancé have very different values ​​in life. NTA.’

Many of the respondents felt that the woman was lazy and wanted to work full-time, without a job or children to care for

Many of the respondents felt that the woman was lazy and wanted to work full-time, without a job or children to care for

A third felt the same and wrote: ‘Agreed NTA. Does she want to start a business from home? Is she trying to become an artist and needs time to paint/sculpt/etc. and build her network?

‘Does she want to write a book? Even become a famous YouTuber? I would ask these questions and see what she wants to do with all the free time she suddenly has while not working.’

Not everyone agreed, however, with some posters pointing out that having one partner who is at home full-time can work well if both parties are happy with the arrangement.

One Redditor wrote: ‘Being a stay at home woman is not a freeloader. Before my daughter was born, I stayed at home and took care of everything the house or pets needed. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, money management, etc was all done by me. If there were meetings and phone calls, I’d be the one to do it.’

Another agreed, saying: ‘If you’re actually just as energetic with cleaning, shopping, prepping, cooking, managing the household budget, laundry, yard work, grocery shopping etc. when you have the time, it’s a a lot of work.

Multiple posters argued that a stay-at-home partner isn't lazy — and that maintaining and running a household can take just as much work as a full-time job

Multiple posters argued that a stay-at-home partner isn’t lazy — and that maintaining and running a household can take just as much work as a full-time job

“You would do every day what two full-time working people could do once a week at best, like cleaning the bathroom for one. It’s not a bad deal if you can afford it: one goes to work from home and flexible during the day, the other goes to work and then comes home to relax and have dinner ready and no chores to be done.’

Another pointed out that stay-at-home partners do a lot of work – it just doesn’t get paid. They wrote: ‘While I take no offense at your judgment, I do not agree with the second part of your statement.

“Being a stay-at-home wife isn’t freeloading. They clean, they cook, they buy stuff and they keep the lawn beautiful. These are tasks that you normally outsource to four separate domestic helpers, performed by one person who does not receive a salary.’

Another agreed, adding: ‘Why do you assume a woman who stays at home isn’t doing anything productive with her days? That is not true.

‘Also maybe her work environment is stressful, maybe the commute is stressful for her – did you ask her about these aspects? A partner in life does not mean a partner to make money. It means a companion to do things with.’

Some Redditors thought it was extremely weird that the woman had waited for the couple to get engaged to share her dream of being a stay-at-home wife

Some Redditors thought it was extremely weird that the woman had waited for the couple to get engaged to share her dream of being a stay-at-home wife

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