Hearing the click of the front door opening, my heart skips a little beat as I welcome my husband after work with a grateful hug and passionate kiss.
I have to admit, after 10 years of marriage, four kids, and a Sheepadoodle, I thought the honeymoon period of our relationship was behind us.
But I recently discovered something new, or should I say someone new, and it has unexpectedly given me back my marital mojo.
No, it’s not an affair or a subscription to some reality star on Onlyfans. And we haven’t done couples therapy or started dabbling in tantric sex.
The person responsible for my new life is actually a complete stranger: an American mother of two who lost her own husband in a tragic accident.
Like other popular Instagram influencers who inspire you to declutter your house, reorganize your pantry or dress your kids in beige, young widows have carved out a huge niche for themselves on social media, with some boasting hundreds of thousands of followers. followers.
As somatic therapist and relationship expert Georgia Grace explains, watching widows online can have a cathartic effect similar to watching an emotional movie or reading a book.
“But unlike a movie that has an ending, you have a continuous point of contact to follow the story,” he says.
Julie, who goes by the name ‘Spilled Milk Mamma’ on Instagram, lost her husband Charles in a car accident just weeks after giving birth to their second child.
“It allows you to put things into perspective and feel more compassion and empathy in your own life,” Georgia adds.
“Death is terrifying and it’s what people fear the most.”
Georgia says that since we know we are going to lose our loved ones at some point, or that they are going to lose us, seeing what happens to others can help us process those difficult thoughts.
“For widows, telling stories is an important part of the healing process and being able to share them with others helps them too,” she tells me.
‘It is called narrative transportation, when its narration involves your senses and you feel emotion.
“We are human and connected and that empathy is totally normal.”
In fact, it was my best friend Grace who asked me about a year ago if I followed her “favorite widow.” At first, I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose thinking about it.
Young mother Julie, she explained, was deeply distraught after her soulmate and the father of her two children died in a car accident.
After 10 years of marriage, four children and a Sheepadoodle, Jonica Bray (pictured) thought the honeymoon period of her relationship had long passed – until she discovered influential widows.
It sounded just horrible, and also a little morbid, watching his life fall apart from afar.
“You should look her up, she’s amazing and really makes me feel so much more grateful for what we have,” she told me quite seriously.
Since then, we often talk about Julie’s life as if she were one of our close friends.
Going by the name ‘Spilled Milk Mamma’ on Instagram, Julie lost her husband Charles in a car accident just weeks after giving birth to their second child.
Her bravery and resilience as she navigates life after such an unfathomable loss is simply inspiring, and I am constantly left amazed and wondering how I would fare in a similar situation.
I really can’t stand to think about it too often, and then when my husband walks through the door, I’m so grateful for him doing so.
It turns out that we don’t follow the widows out of morbid curiosity, but because we admire how they find strength despite such an unimaginable tragedy.
There are others that I also started to follow.
Some have turned their experiences into self-help books and seminars for other widows, and others, I think, just like having people they can trust, even if they’re strangers online. Maybe it’s because they are strangers.
And when Julie found love again, I couldn’t text Grace fast enough to see what she thought of the new guy, Shawn.
“He has a type,” Grace responded when she noticed the striking similarities between her late husband and her new boyfriend, to whom she is now married.
We are both emotionally involved and celebrate their happy ending from afar.
I understand. It sounds a little strange and maybe a little stalkerish, but honestly, following widows on social media has made my marriage happier.
Of course it’s not perfect and we still have our ups and downs, but these days I actively try not to sweat the little things because of women who can’t complain anymore.