Dear Jana,
Over the past year, my Instagram following has increased significantly, from about 1,000 to over 150,000. As background, I have lost a considerable amount of weight and now share inspiring content with my followers. However, over the past few months, several troll accounts have posted negative comments about my weight loss and physical appearance.
My husband has been very supportive throughout this process, but I’ve started to suspect that he may be behind some of these troll accounts. He’s always said that he’s proud of me, but sometimes I get the feeling that he may be jealous of my success, especially since he’s still a bit overweight himself. He always says that he liked me better when I had more “meat on my bones” and stuff like that.
I was recently looking over his shoulder when he was on Instagram and noticed that he had more than one account. So later that day, I jokingly said to him, “You’re not the one trolling me, are you?” He laughed and said “no,” but I also noticed that he had a nervous tic that he gets when he lies.
The harassment stopped after I questioned him, which has only fueled my suspicions. How can I determine if my husband is behind these hateful comments without causing further conflict or losing my mind?
Anonymous
Dear anonymous,
Let me just say… Oh my God. Please pause for a moment while I pour myself a large glass of wine for this. You have presented me with quite a dilemma.
Jana Hocking offers advice to Australians who confess their dark secrets
Well, now that I have some energy, let’s get to it…
Do I think your husband is the troll? Yes, I do. For a couple of reasons. 1. Unless he has a business Instagram account, is there any reason he needs a few extra “finsta” (fake Instagram) accounts? 2. Wives are very good at reading their partner’s body language, and if you’re noticing his nervous tic, then there’s something else going on. And finally, 3. It’s VERY coincidental that the trolling stopped after you called him out on it.
I don’t usually approve of checking your partner’s phone, but in this case I think it’s justified. You need to bring out your inner Jason Bourne and hack this man’s phone like it’s never been hacked before.
(Here’s a cheeky tip: Go to his laptop and check his Instagram from there. All of his accounts will appear.) Yeah, yeah, toxic, I know, but I honestly think you’re going to go crazy if you don’t get to the bottom of this.
If your man is stalking you, you need to get your affairs in order and kick him out. Make sure your finances and living situation are in order before you confront him, because if he’s conniving enough to secretly tease you, imagine what else he’s capable of. The good news is that you look damn hot, so what better time to get back on the single scene.
Besides, who wants to marry a troll? From personal experience, I believe they are deeply bitter and twisted people who you do not want in your energy field. I would gladly say enough to this man. A blessing in disguise.
Stay strong and put on your investigator hat. You can do it.
Dear Jana,
So I’ve been casually dating this girl for a few months and over the weekend I showed up at her house a little tipsy. After a wild night together I ended up telling her I loved her but I was drunk and didn’t mean it. Now she acts like we’re in a full blown relationship, calling me baby or baby and calling me every night. I want things to stay casual like they were before. I know I screwed up but she’s a wild beast in bed. How can I gently let her down and get things back to the way they were?
Health,
Anonymous
Oh anonymous,
Like many men before you, you’ve let your doodle do the talking for your brain! Tutt tutt. Now, most people would advise you to have an in-person conversation with her, explaining that you think she’s fabulous, blah, blah, blah, but you’re not ready for a relationship right now.
But I’m thinking about how mortified she’ll be when you tell her this. So, let’s change the subject.
Jana Hocking: Vanilla is a delicious flavor for a milkshake, but who wants it in the bedroom?
Instead of in person, I would send him a text that casually but honestly confessed your stupid penis mistake. I would say something as simple as, “Hey, I totally screwed up. I got carried away in the heat of the moment and said something I shouldn’t have: the L word. I’m an idiot, but if it’s any consolation, you are an absolute fire in bed and you made me really nervous. I want to be honest with you and say that I’m not looking for anything serious right now and would love to have more fun times, but I understand if you’re looking for something more. Again, I’m an idiot and I hope I didn’t upset you. Damn penis!”
Adding a bit of self-deprecating humor and a compliment on his lovemaking skills will soften the blow and give him room to reflect on your message before responding. Oh my, men!
Dear Jana,
I’m starting to get scared to sleep with my girlfriend. The problem is that she talks dirty during sex, especially after she’s had a lot to drink. In everyday life she’s sweet and gentle, but her behavior in bed is extremely obscene and degrading. I’ve told her that I prefer things to be quieter, but she says that’s the only way she can get turned on. But what am I supposed to think? All I want is a normal, respectful love life?
Eddie
Dear Eddie,
This woman is a gift from God, and maybe you should let her fly free from your gilded cage and into the arms of a man who can match her extravagance.
I don’t want to embarrass you for your somewhat boring manners, but I don’t want you to embarrass her either.
It sounds like you have a fabulous smutty side and it shouldn’t be overshadowed. So maybe you could talk about coming to an agreement, getting rid of the degrading stuff but keeping the smutty side. Or maybe consider that you’re not a good match.
Vanilla flavor is delicious in smoothies, but who wants it in the bedroom? I guess she doesn’t.