Dear Jana,
I just started dating a guy and so far I have no complaints when it comes to the bedroom, except for one thing: I hate giving blowjobs, and he keeps asking me for them. I told him I’m willing to try a variety of things, but that’s something I’ll never do.
I have a very sensitive gag reflex and it disgusts me. Now he keeps implying that it is a deterrent for him. I am worried that he will break up with me. What should I do?
Chantel.
Dear Chantelle,
Oh, girl. Let me be totally frank. If I met the love of my life and he told me I would never receive the gift of his tongue on my nether regions, I would cry.
Seriously, I would kick the floor and cry.
You see, the act of oral sex is something very special. For a moment, you put aside your own desires and needs to please another person. You make them the center of attention. You tell your partner, without words, that their sexual satisfaction is important to you and that you want to please them.
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And let’s be honest, the sound of someone moaning in pleasure from something you did for them is really, really, really hot. I honestly get just as turned on as my partner when I cum below the belt.
So get out that banana and work on your gag reflexes, because no one should be without the pleasures of a little oral action. No one.
Dear Jana,
I make more than my partner. We’re talking about $100,000 more. I know this sounds bad, but as a woman who makes more than a man, he’s starting to get me down.
I pay for our vacations, most of our meals, and even buy him designer clothes to wear if I know we’re going out with my friends because I don’t want him to look poor.
I’ve always been very self-starter, but he seems perfectly happy just coasting through life. I love him, he makes me laugh, and he’s very attractive, but is that enough? I worry about the future. Will I pay private school fees when we have kids? Or will we buy our own house?
I find that a bit unfair. How can I help him find his motivation to do (earn) more?
Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous,
If we look deeper into this matter, the truth is a bit grim. It seems to me that you like having a sexy and fun man to show off as a partner, but your values don’t match up at all.
Oh girl. Let me be totally frank. If I met the love of my life and she told me I would never receive the gift of her tongue on my nether regions, I would cry, writes Jana Hocking (above).
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a man with initiative and prospects, I do. But that is not the man you chose. And sure he can make you laugh, but guess what… a man with money can too.
Don’t get me wrong, financial differences don’t have to define the success of a relationship. I have a friend who is a fierce and fabulous businesswoman and her husband is a hard-working, down-on-his-luck guy who spends more time in the ocean surfing than in the workplace. That works for them because she loves coming home to a man who relaxes her and he loves being married to someone who is successful in the business world. They are a perfect match.
But if you’re embarrassed by your man’s poor work ethic and low income, that resentment will build up over time, as it already is. I’d sit him down for one of those big adult talks we all dread but are necessary to have. Communicate your concerns, and then do the hardest thing of all: listen to his point of view, too.
Talk seriously, cry about your breasts and then get over it. You are a woman and I congratulate you for making the decision to put your health first, writes Jana Hocking (above).
It’s tricky, but critical, to approach these conversations with empathy, respect, and a genuine desire to work together toward a shared future that aligns with both of your values. If you can’t, maybe it’s time to cast your net a little wider.
Dear Jana,
I met my girlfriend when I had DD cup breasts and a small, firm figure. It’s been three years since we got the implants and she wants to get her breast implants removed because she says they give her back pain. That means she’ll have to go down to an A cup. I’ve always been a big-breasted guy and I love having a girl on my arm that other guys find attractive. Is it bad if I offer her a commitment?
Maybe offer to pay for her to get a C cup? Or is that a bad thing? I don’t want my partner to become part of the small tits committee.
The Lord.
Oh, simple Sam,
How about you pay the chiropractor bills yourself? Seriously, try wearing two melons on your chest for a day and see if you like it. As the owner of decent (natural) C-cup breasts, I can tell you that squeezing them into a bra every day is a piece of shit.
Talk seriously, cry about your mammary glands and then get over it already. You are a classy woman and I congratulate you for making the decision to put your health first.
Now, maybe we’ll focus on your penis size. I’m sure she has plenty of ideas about that…
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