Confession time. Every morning I have to shave my upper lip. When I wake up, the area between my nose and mouth is a veritable flower bed of black hairs.
I look like the less attractive distant cousin of Adolf Hitler. It’s a seriously bad mustache.
And you know what, it’s the same everywhere! My cheeks, my legs, my armpits, even my toes. You name it. Where there is fertile flesh, she will find a way to take root.
It’s something I’ve battled my whole life – but as time has gone on I’ve come to accept that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
In fact, I know countless other gal pals have a similar hairy condition. But luckily now, unlike our parents’ generation, there are countless tools, tricks and tips to help us transform into perfectly naked beauties.
Personally, I rely on a whole range. A battery-operated rotating blade for the mustache (and hair removal cream for the extra stubborn strands). Tweezers for that super chapped chin. A men’s razor—much stronger than women’s—for my legs and toes. (And as for the under-regions, it’s full landscaping that requires a combination of all those devices. Plus a pair of scissors.)
Why bother with all that hassle?
Well, it’s simple. Call me old fashioned, but just hairy women are not attractive. Men think not. And women know it – no matter what Rachel McAdams would have you believe.
There lies Rachel McAdams, beaming on a luscious red couch, dressed in lingerie, cropped hair, caked makeup…. Oh, and with matte armpit hair on display.
Call me old fashioned, but hairy women just aren’t attractive. Men think not. And women know it – no matter what Rachel McAdams would have you believe.
This week, the 44-year-old actress gave a interview with Bustle magazine and showed off her “real” body in the accompanying photo shoot which we’ve been asked to believe was “minimal” retouched.
There she lies, radiant on a sumptuous red couch, dressed in lingerie, cut hair, caked make-up…. Oh, and with matte armpit hair on display.
‘Go Rachel! How empowering,’ we all didn’t say.
“Life is long and shaving is intense,” the Notebook star explained. “Once you start, you can never stop.”
But what McAdams hasn’t realized is that most normal women don’t want to stop looking their best.
Memo to the fanatical liberal-liberals: Just because it’s 2023 and you’re all in the throes of a rapidly awakening virus doesn’t change that.
The multibillion-dollar beauty industry is thriving for a reason: we women—and I’m talking biologically mature women—are willing to spend the hours in front of the mirror.
Writer Jaci Stephen says she should shave her top lip every morning — and many of her friends are the same!
You’ve never seen Princess Diana, Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe, or Audrey Hepburn wide-eyed like McAdams and looking their sleaziest. And their reputation as the greatest beauties of all time seems relatively intact.
As it is, McAdams is a con artist.
‘This is my body,” she says. “I think it’s so important to reflect back to the world.”
Wait – are you really telling me this is an honest reflection?
McAdams is undoubtedly blessed with exceptionally good looks. But what about the makeup artists, hair stylists, designer clothes, Botox technicians and professional photography lighting involved behind the scenes?
‘Minimal’ photoshop retouch? Give me a break!
Maybe I’d also feel comfortable flaunting a little spunk in a desperate attempt to revive my fading career while the rest of me is a vastly upgraded version of womanhood.
But this kind of stubborn dishonesty doesn’t benefit the common woman – or whatever you call someone who hasn’t had millions thrown out of their ears!
Because we all shave. Snow. Trimming. Used to be. Do whatever it takes to achieve even a fraction of the soft-focus glamor that McAdams and her celeb friends must think is universal.
Does anyone really believe this shameless stunt even looks that good? I certainly don’t.
No more so than when I felt a deep-seated distaste for Julia Roberts’ hairy armpits at the 1999 premiere of Notting Hill.
McAdams says she’s showing off her “real” body in the new photo shoot — which we’ve been asked to believe has been “minimal” retouched.
At the premiere of Notting Hill in 1999, I felt a deep-seated distaste for Julia Roberts’ hairy armpits.
“It wasn’t so much a statement, it’s just part of the statement I’m making as a human being on the planet, for myself,” she whined at the time.
Get a grip, girls!
In my advanced years I am getting hairier by the day – and I hope that when I finally leave this life I will have a mortician who will have the good graces to make sure I enter the next peach clean and fresh.
But until then, I’ll keep chopping away at this mustache.