Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN’s ultimate insight into this week’s soap operas

0

Relationships in soap land depend on good combinations. Romance, friendship, co-workers, crime partners, relatives, even pets – they are the backbone of the genre.

EastEnders has given us Phil and Grant, Peggy and Frank, Pat and Frank (he got close); Emmerdale’s Cain and Charity brought us years of high drama; and who can forget the delightful tax collectors Amos and Mr. Wilks? Corrie has a rich history of great partnerships – Bet and Alec, Jack and Vera, Stan and Hilda.

The Street also currently has the worst pairing ever. How could anyone in their right mind think it would be a good idea to bring Tyrone and Alina together?

It’s unbelievable that he would endanger his relationship with Fiz and The Girls, and laughable that Alina suddenly knows her way around a car engine. Nothing, it seems, impresses a man more than a woman who knows her gaskets from her pistons.

EastEnders, by comparison, provided a blinder when pairing Kat and Phil, something I suggested months before it actually happened (is my check in the mail?). It has the potential to run and run. Hopefully Corrie’s disastrous experiment will just work out.

OOSTENDERS: INTERNSHIP MOTHER ALARM

Honey meets Billy and Jay (pictured) after receiving news of Janet's audition in this week's EastEnders

Honey meets Billy and Jay (pictured) after receiving news of Janet’s audition in this week’s EastEnders

Amid all the tension between Billy and Jay about Honey, the trio manage to have a meeting where Honey receives news of Janet’s audition. Considering the tattoo Billy is selling at his new booth, Janet may be on track to become the top-earning in the family – possibly in the Square.

Sharon is back in mafia mode telling Phil she wants to get involved in his money laundering business, but will she go down the more legitimate path when she learns the gym is for sale? Gosh, I forgot about the gym; it has only ever been opened to dodgy business deals and beatings.

Oh, for the days when Christian and Grant ran around the square in their vests; Now the only perspiration you’ll see is Mick struggling to button up his undersized shirts.

The Death By Dishwasher killer Gray really doesn’t get the message when it comes to women.

Although Whitney offers to be his plus at his work gala (she’s vague on the message cover, too), it’s hardly appropriate for him to give her one of Chantelle’s dresses and bracelets.

When Kush picks up Whitney from prom, she proposes. Oh dear. Methinks Gray might consider stacking that dishwasher back up.

CORONATION STREET: LOVE EXCHANGE STORE

Nick thinks Leanne has a new husband in Harvey, so will Natasha (pictured) try to revive their relationship?

Nick thinks Leanne has a new husband in Harvey, so will Natasha (pictured) try to revive their relationship?

Nick thinks Leanne has a new husband in Harvey, so will Natasha (pictured) try to revive their relationship?

Will Natasha try to revive her relationship with Nick if he thinks Leanne has a new husband in Harvey, Walford’s Pablo Escobar? Or, if Nick tells Leanne he loves her, will she let him move home again?

He couldn’t be more reassuring, that’s for sure; his declarations of love sound like a broken record – a real Amazon Music catalog of broken records, to be honest.

Everyone seems to be making rapid progress in relationships these days; they are also prone to mix’n’match – or should that be pick’n’mix? Anyway, it’s all a mess when Seb talks to Nina about getting his hair cut and they see each other in a new light when they talk about music.

Personally, I think it wasn’t Tyrone who got Alina back to Seb; it was when he made her a Romanian delicacy – tripe, which she later confessed to hating (forget the food; it’s a word that best fits Alina’s latest storyline).

Todd is still trying to get back with Billy, while Paul pretends to have a new boyfriend. Only Daniel knows the truth and urges Paul to reveal his true feelings.

It all starts at the tram station. Will Paul tell Billy that he loves him? Will Billy choose Paul or Todd, who have issued an ultimatum? Will the tram come off the rails and make a triple sandwich of everything? The tension is unbearable.

EMMERDALE: THE KING HAS FALLEN

Nicola (pictured) comes up with a plan after Jimmy learns of a new sabotaged business opportunity in Emmerdale

Nicola (pictured) comes up with a plan after Jimmy learns of a new sabotaged business opportunity in Emmerdale

Nicola (pictured) comes up with a plan after Jimmy learns of a new sabotaged business opportunity in Emmerdale

As his beard grows, the only job Jimmy gets is playing Santa. When he hears of a new sabotaged business opportunity, Nicola has a plan – never a good idea. She could sell her blouses on eBay.

You have to ask yourself if there is a closet kidnapper – like in secret, instead of kidnapping closets (that would be crazy). Why else is there an abundance of kidnappings, including one on Paul and Mandy’s wedding day?

Poor Vinny takes another beating, in another brilliant performance by Reece Dinsdale (Paul); the underlying threat lurking beneath his false glee is truly sinister.