Soapwatch: JACI STEPHEN’s ultimate insight into this week’s soap operas

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Why does everyone look like a villain now? The Beardie Fest in Corrie hasn’t helped – Peter, Daniel, Gary, they all look like yetis (although they seem to have removed the hair from the bottom half of Gary’s head to make his beard).

In EastEnders, Gray looks like a myriad of ferrets (is that the collective name? No idea, it sounds good) opened an Airbnb on his face and the handsome younger bad guys have begun to sprout. Phil, who was the furry monster, is starting to look like a boiled egg in the middle of a coconut shooter. Is he the first clean-shaven villain in Walford?

Beards seem to indicate that they have moved into soap country on the dark side. Corrie’s Roy, for example, has never sprouted like a whisker (unless in grief) because he’s a thoroughly good, sincere man. I also don’t recall Ken’s face ever getting started with forestry implantation (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong).

Did Covid just prevent our favorite characters from going to the hairdresser? Corrie’s David has a ton of available appointments!

CORONATION STREET: BEDSIDE PLANNERS

Nina (pictured) and Seb are the newest hospital staff on Coronation Street after being attacked by a gang

Nina (pictured) and Seb are the newest hospital staff on Coronation Street after being attacked by a gang

And here they go again! More readily available hospital beds for anyone admitted from around Street to Weatherfield General. Who exactly are they bribing to get this kind of access? Or, as I’ve suspected for a while, the props department has bought up a lot of hospital beds and the writers need to get them in their scripts no matter what?

The newest hospital staff members are Seb and Nina (switch, Peter, you’re yesterday’s ambulance news), who have been attacked by a gang, although in Nina’s case, you have to ask … How could they tell?

I just happen to love Nina. Mollie Gallagher is such a good actor who has brought so much to the show, but sometimes you have to wonder if it’s her ongoing commitment to keep the makeup department working properly in lockdown.

As if they didn’t have enough to make Peter’s face yellow every day – the best make-up ever in soapy land, by the way; almost enough to stop drinking.

Anyway, nothing will spoil Abi and Kev’s big wedding day, right? Yes correct.

OOSTENDERS: PLAY ‘EM, BANJO

Bailey, with sidekick Banjo, must be the best dressed, not to mention the hottest, person sleeping on the street (pictured) in EastEnders

Bailey, with sidekick Banjo, must be the best dressed, not to mention the hottest, person sleeping on the street (pictured) in EastEnders

Bailey, with sidekick Banjo, must be the best dressed, not to mention the hottest, person sleeping on the street (pictured) in EastEnders

Bailey, with sidekick Banjo, has to be the best dressed, not to mention the hottest person sleeping on the street (pictured). In fact, she must be roasting now that the weather is getting warmer.

Still, you can’t help but feel for the poor dog, who is watching, “Please somebody, put me in a dog food commercial so I can escape this hell,” about him. He probably knows that no dog in Walford is successful. Actually forget the ending; they are lucky if they are fed once every three years.

Now I’m opening bets on who will be the subject of Whitney’s next doomed relationship. I suspect she will fall into Gray’s arms (euphemism for “in the dishwasher”) or … well, take your pick; if they want to bring punters back to The Vic, it could be a whole new game show.

Speaking of The Vic, there’s definitely a bombshell on the way, and it’s not one that relates to the inconclusive sisterhood bond between Nancy and Frankie.

Let’s hope Kat standing up for Phil against Vi heralds their relationship resurgence. The Kat / Phil relationship is one that can – and must – walk and run; they are the natural new owners of The Vic, and their love feast has ended far too soon.

But has anyone noticed Phil’s habit of licking his lips? I swear it’s something new. Look at it. It’s at the end of almost every sentence. You see? He wants Kat back too. The petition starts here.

EMMERDALE: AVERAGE GIRLS

Meanwhile, Liam has given David a secret mission to set up his proposal to Leyla, and the couple are now celebrating their engagement in Emmerdale.

Meanwhile, Liam has given David a secret mission to set up his proposal to Leyla, and the couple are now celebrating their engagement in Emmerdale.

Meanwhile, Liam has given David a secret mission to set up his proposal to Leyla, and the couple are now celebrating their engagement in Emmerdale.

Okay, who’s following this? So Liam has given David a secret mission to prepare his proposal to Leyla. Meena has no idea of ​​the plan and is jealous because she thinks Leyla is trying to steal David. I’m exhausted.

Either way, that ends well (but it won’t, because this is Emmerdale, after all), and Liam and Leyla are celebrating their engagement (pictured). However, life now looks less rosy for David and Meena (don’t say I didn’t warn you: so mean).

Bear is also enraged to see Faith flirt with Pollard. She is the last in a long line. Good luck. Everyone else who did that is dead.

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