A woman has revealed she has no interest in taking advice from girls because she doesn’t want to talk about “marriage and babies for three days”.
The 27-year-old took to Reddit to ask if she was too harsh in telling her friends the real reason she didn’t want to go on an upcoming vacation.
‘AITA (Am I the asshole) for being honest with my friends by telling them I’m not going away for a weekend because I don’t want to talk about marriage/babies for three days?’ she wrote in the Am I the subreddit asshole?.
She went on to describe that she has had the same group of eight close friends since her school days.
A woman took to Reddit to ask if she had gone too far by being honest with a close friend about not wanting to go on a girls’ trip (file image)
She explained that five of her eight close friends are married or in long-term relationships, and two of those five are pregnant or have had a baby.
Now that they’re in their twenties, they no longer live in the same place, but they do “get together a couple of times a year for a weekend at an Airbnb,” he described.
The gatherings usually consisted of “good food, drinks, hot tub, etc.,” he added.
Speaking for herself, she wrote: “I’m happy with my life right now, I’m single, I’m dating and I don’t know if I would like to have kids, but if I did, I know I wouldn’t want to have them anytime soon.” .’
However, five of the friends are married or in long-term relationships, and two of those five are pregnant or have had a baby.
She will also soon be “seeing all my friends this year at various wedding, friend and baby events.”
Therefore, for the last planned girls’ trip, she decided to tell the gang that she couldn’t join them.
“I didn’t originally give any reason,” he continued.
But her only pregnant friend pressed her for a reason and the woman “told her the truth.”
“I’m not going because it’s a huge financial expense, for three days where we just talk about people’s upcoming engagements, weddings and babies,” she said.
‘I have a lot of things to do, but I feel like a lot of my friends don’t show interest unless I talk about someone I’m dating.
‘Last time I also heard one of my friends talk about her breastfeeding plans, with a vengeance, for over an hour. She is not pregnant nor is she trying to. The truth is that she is boring and gives a feeling of disdain.
Overall, the woman emphasized, “It’s also a very expensive way to feel bad about myself.”
Still, she said she “made it clear” to her friend that she is “excited for everyone to live the life they want.”
However, he further admitted that “it seems like the group has two distinct stages of life, I’m a minority, and it focuses on one stage.”
Redditors widely considered the woman NTA, short for ‘Not The A**hole’. Many further speculated whether their long-term friendships had become one-sided.
The friend has since reported that “she’s really hurt, I’m not excited for her or our other friends.”
“I responded by saying, obviously it was (from other actions), but I just didn’t think the trip was for me,” the woman said.
“I have a lot of other things on my plate and fitting this into both the schedule and financially is a struggle.”
The friend in question, the woman added, “went away for three weekends to attend her wedding and I’m flying to go to her baby shower… all this in the last two years.”
Meanwhile, the friend never expressed any interest in flying to see her ‘in the last two years.’
‘So my query is AITA for being honest about why I can’t go?’ the woman concluded.
In an update, she emphasized that she already supported them through all the important events in their life, including engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, and the like.
In response to comments speculating that she was unhappy, she insisted that she was “content” with her life, writing: “Finally, some comments about my jealousy, my hatred of myself/my life, etc. To confirm, dear strangers on the Internet, I am content, but thanks for the concern.’
Across hundreds of comments, Redditors widely agreed that the woman was NTA, short for ‘Not The A**hole.’
Many of them pointed out that the woman’s relationship with her friends seemed unbalanced and that they were not proportionately interested in her life.
“NTA because the real problem here is different than it seems,” argued one commenter.
‘At first glance, it seems like it’s just about engagements, weddings and babies. You do everything you can to support them constantly. However, they do not correspond to you. They cannot relate to anything nor do they want to relate to anything outside of their lives.
“It would be like you just won a prize but the only thing they talked about was the cake they just ate that morning.”
The woman responded: ‘Maybe, last year I spent 13 weekends traveling (including transportation and hotels), for this group’s “big events” and I’m happy for them.’
A second chimed in: ‘NTA. We all change as we age. Naturally, you distance yourself from some friends, especially if their lifestyle changes drastically (think in particular of married people with children). I wouldn’t want to spend a lot of money to spend 3 days with a group that had such different interests. And I don’t think it was wrong to be honest when your friend asked you why you didn’t want to go.
A third made a similar comment: ‘NTA and what you are experiencing at 27 years old is what many of us have also experienced. Lives change and suddenly some of our friends no longer have much in common with us. I have casually distanced myself from my friends because all they could talk about was diapers or insisting on taking their child out. That’s just not my thing.’
A fourth repeated: ‘NTA and unfortunately friendships change. I think being honest can hurt others, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be said.’ It’s your truth and it seems like you have expensive friends who expect a lot and I’m not sure you really get anything in return.
A fifth were deemed NAH, short for ‘No A**holes Here’.
‘Your friend asked a question and you answered truthfully. It’s not your fault that she found it offensive that you weren’t interested in what she’s interested in. It’s just the reality of friendships: people grow and change,’ they continued.
‘Your interests no longer align with those of that group of friends, and that’s okay. However, you should consider why you continue to spend time with these people if you don’t actually enjoy spending time with them. I know that you have known each other for 8 years, but that does not mean that you should continue with these relationships that are no longer pleasant to you.’
But to this, another user intervened with a notable counterpoint.
“I don’t agree that she shouldn’t keep these friends,” they wrote.
‘Life changes, but it is VERY nice to have lasting friendships. Right now her friends are in the early stages of this new part of her life and are particularly excited about it. After a few years, they will LONG for that time so they can get away from her and spend time with her childless friend (if she doesn’t have kids yet). Add more friends with a more similar lifestyle, sure, but don’t ditch old friends completely. Maintain friendships perhaps less frequently, but equally important, so that you can pick up where you left off when life presents the opportunity.’
