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Signs and red flags that you’re dating one of the “scariest” types of people


A leading relationship expert reveals the subtle signs you’re dating a ‘silent abuser’ and why they’re the most dangerous type of partner.

Luanne tells Ward that the work of these master manipulators, known as covert narcissists, can be so insidious that it takes years for their victims to realize that the damage is being done.

Often by the time they realize what is happening to their toxic partner has already caused serious damage to their physical, social and mental health.

They are often able to disguise their actual personality until you are completely cornered. They’re doing everything they can to break through your defenses and earn your trust,” Louanne told FEMAIL.

She added that most covert narcissists also struggle with other mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Lone Ward exposed the dangerous difference between overt and cover narcissists and warned that “silent abusers” can be the most dangerous partners.

“Because these things are so well hidden, recognizing subtle narcissism can be quite challenging,” she said.

But it’s not inconceivable that there are some “clear warning signs” that can help you determine if your partner or potential partner is a hidden narcissist.

Luan says covert narcissists, who can be both men and women, often shower their partners with unexpected gifts.

For the majority of people, this is a giant green flag; However, to a covert narcissist, it’s a Trojan horse. And, be warned, when a hurricane of gifts and grand gestures of love sweeps you over, they gradually flatter their influence over you.

Male ‘clandestine narcissists’

Use her charm to attract people

You are most likely obsessed with power and/or money

They have a higher sense of entitlement and grandeur

They are more likely to be serial adulterers or cheat on those close to them

Unable to handle criticism

Use love bombing to manipulate their partners

Envy comes in the form of power and control

Female ‘secret narcissists’

Excessive futility

Envy comes in the form of beauty and social status

Sensitive and exaggerated

Insecure and needy

Constantly needing attention and validation – sometimes this can manifest as being addicted to social media

Use their sex appeal, bodies, and looks to attract people

They can never admit they are wrong

Male and female covert narcissists can look a little different

Male and female covert narcissists can look a little different

These silent abusers often use negative comments and backhanded compliments.

They are experts at subtle insults because they are consummate liars and live in constant fear of exposure. In fact, those in relationships with covert narcissists spend days trying to parse their partner’s double meanings and insults in disguise.


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“Playing the innocent” is also a huge red flag.

Luan said they would “forget” or deliberately sabotage important events by being late before acting as if they were suffering from amnesia or hearing about it for the first time.

These silent aggressors also lie a lot, bait their victims for control and love to use toxic tools like stalling, the silent treatment, and ghosting.

They also like to use gas to derail their victims.

“This is done by discrediting you and turning people against you, denying facts, accusing you of imagining things, and belittling your feelings,” Luan explained.

They also “avoid true intimacy.”

“For all the compliments, sexual innuendo, and constant romantic gestures, they disappear when things get personal,” she warned.

The problem is that they try so hard to make you think they find you attractive, while hiding enough of themselves that you can never really get to know them. This weakens your self-confidence over time.

How to deal with covert narcissists

Although it can be challenging, Louanne says you can take steps to protect your mental health when dealing with a covert narcissist.

The following can be helpful

1 – Set clear boundaries: The first step in dealing with a covert narcissist is to set firm boundaries.

This means that you must define acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Keep your communication with them clear and concise, and don’t let them push your boundaries.

2 – Stay Calm and Confident: Since covert narcissists thrive on emotional reactions, it is crucial to remain calm and confident when dealing with them.

Don’t let them get on your nerves, and avoid getting emotionally involved in their games.

3 – Get out of their drama: Covert narcissists will try to involve you in their problems and make you feel guilty or responsible for them.

Don’t waste time worrying about them, focus on what you want to achieve in life.

4- Do not feed their ego: Since covert narcissists crave attention and admiration, it is crucial to avoid feeding their ego.

Don’t shower them with compliments or validate their false sense of superiority.

5 – Seek help: Dealing with a covert narcissist can be emotionally draining, so seek help from friends, family, or a therapist.

They can provide you with emotional support and help you maintain your mental health.

They will also refuse to listen to their victims, so if you find yourself needing to repeat yourself or demand your partner’s attention a lot, that’s a huge red flag. “

When they listen, information is usually collected that they will later use against you. For example, they can use something you said months ago to disprove you or make you question your own judgment.

She recently spoke about “normal” narcissists but insists their covert counterparts are in a league of their own.

“Because covert narcissists tend to hide their symptoms, we will never fully understand their prevalence,” she said.

Louanne revealed that she would rather be in a relationship with an outspoken narcissist than a secret one

Louanne revealed that she would rather be in a relationship with an outspoken narcissist than a secret one

She noted that some of the red flags are similar between overt and covert narcissists, but said other personality traits can help victims uncover the truth.

Covert narcissists often use false empathy to get their victims to trust them, only to use it against them later.

They also use envy and jealousy as a tool and believe that others see them as better.

Covert narcissists also portray themselves as ‘shy but friendly’.

They are often socially isolated and sometimes avoid social situations for fear of being the center of attention. I

“They seem outwardly happy but have a dark side that can show up in outbursts of anger if challenged.”

They also ‘overcompensate’ with gifts, holidays, and other love bombings to win you over.

Why you should take time to understand a covert narcissist:

They can be hard to spot, but if left unchecked, they can destroy relationships and cause untold amounts of emotional distress.

Here are the four most pressing reasons you should be aware of the less talked about covert narcissist:

1 – Self-preservation: You may be subjected to psychological and mental abuse at the hands of a hidden narcissist without realizing it.

Instead, once you identify, you can better protect yourself and make informed decisions about the relationship.

2- Avoid manipulation: Covert narcissists are known for their ability to deceive people without drawing attention to themselves.

By learning to predict and adapt to their actions, you can protect your energy and keep yourself safe from harm.

3 Helping Others: Sometimes we are not able to help others because we are ill-equipped to recognize hidden narcissistic behaviors in their partners.

However, once you know the particular traits, behaviors, and patterns commonly displayed by covert narcissists, you may just be able to help a friend or family member who is struggling to cope.

Most feel isolated, confused, and sometimes in devastating emotional distress.

4) Improve Relationships: While it can be difficult, understanding the true traits of a covert narcissist can help you recognize your own subtle narcissistic tendencies.

All humans have some level of narcissism, so do you! But with a deeper look he can awaken you to the importance of compassion, self-reflection, and the value of boundaries.

All of this means that the more you know about this area of ​​human behavior, the more you can work on building relationships that are both healthier and more rewarding

They hunt for compliments and have an underlying fear of inadequacy.

Finally, cash is kryptonite.

They are not able to handle criticism, despite how well it hides it. Despite their mask, they harbor feelings of anger and humiliation deep down, which often leads to an explosion later on.

Louanne revealed that she would rather be in a relationship with an outspoken narcissist than a secret one.

“They can turn your friends and family against you by making them believe that you are the one with the problem,” she said.

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