Today is national orgasm day, and although some of us will choose to be on the & # 39; traditional & # 39; way of paying tribute to a number of women who feel that it is not an option.
A recent study of 645 straight men from 21 different countries showed that one in six never had orgasm during sex.
Of those who had reached the peak, it took an average of 13 minutes and 25 seconds to get there.
And according to a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, 67 percent of women surveyed had fooled one.
Don't worry if you know this. Sexpert Silva Neves from We-Vibe, a specialized psychosexual psychotherapist who appeared in the recent BBC3 series Sex on the Couch, has shared his top tips for increasing the level of pleasure in the bedroom.
Here he tells FEMAIL why so many women struggle to reach a climax – and why it's so important that you NEVER fake it.
A marathon not a sprint: on average a woman takes 13 minutes and 25 seconds to reach the peak
& # 39; Difficulties with orgasms are one of the biggest problems women seek sex therapy for & # 39 ;, Silva explains.
& # 39; It's very common, but, it's a & # 39; problem to solve & call # 39; is actually part of the orgasmic blockade. & # 39; So what's the solution?
& # 39; Paradoxically, if you want better orgasms, you have to relieve yourself of the pressure to achieve one & # 39 ;, Silva says.
& # 39; In other words, don't make the orgasm your goal or the thing that needs to be done to qualify the sex act as & # 39; good sex & # 39 ;. Have fun instead.
& # 39; If your goal is more focused on pleasure than on orgasm, your body will be in an excitement that is more ready for orgasm.
& # 39; Being focused on pleasure means being curious about your body and your partner's body. & # 39;
Sexpert Silva Neves from We-Vibe is a specialized psychosexual psychotherapist who appeared in the recent BBC3 series Sex on the Couch
Get to know your body VERY well
Silva recommends touching yourself in all parts of your body to know where your trigger points are.
& # 39; The arms, legs, inside of the thighs, breasts, different parts of your vulva, clitoris, etc. & he says.
& # 39; Get a foot massage or a head massage and focus on how it feels. If you take into account all parts of your body, you will get an idea of how you are having fun. & # 39;
Make sure you feel comfortable
It sounds like a no brainer, but being in a comfortable environment with a partner you trust is a big factor when it comes to sexual satisfaction.
Being in a comfortable environment with a partner you trust is a big factor when it comes to sexual satisfaction
& # 39; Fun is context dependent & # 39 ;, Silva advises. & # 39; You need to be in a comfortable place, feel safe and feel good, whether you are alone or with a partner. & # 39;
Don't be judgmental
It is easy to have judgmental thoughts about your body, but these negative waves will only hamper your orgasm potential.
& # 39; Women can be labeled with horrible words if they are not sexual enough, or if they & # 39; to be sexual & # 39; whatever that means, & # 39; Silva says.
& # 39; Stay grounded with your own sense of pleasure and sexuality and get away from those judgmental thoughts.
& # 39; Learn to love your body, touch yourself everywhere to get to know your erogenous map, move away from the orgasm target and instead focus on pleasure. & # 39;
Silva recommends loving your body and touching yourself everywhere to get to know your erogenous map
Involve your brain
Believe it or not, the brain is one of the most important sexual organs.
& # 39; Some women report having orgasm without body stimulation but by giving pleasure to their sexual partner & # 39 ;, Silva explains. & # 39; If it is a big turn-on, it can cause an orgasm.
& # 39; Watch your thoughts and feelings when you get sexually excited.
& # 39; Because the brain is an important sexual organ, it can also turn you off.
& # 39; Normally, if you believe that your body does not look naked, or if you have a judgment about your sexuality, these may disable you and your body will not be prepared for an orgasm. & # 39;
Be open to experiments
Although your partner has no problems reaching a climax, men can also experience different types of orgasm.
& # 39; Watch your thoughts and feelings when you get sexually excited & & # 39 ;, Silva recommends
& # 39; While discovering your G-spot, your partner can discover theirs & # 39 ;, Silva explains.
& # 39; Men can experience pleasure that is not on their penis. For example, stimulating the prostate can produce a lot of pleasure.
& # 39; If it's hard to get started, there are good sex toys out there, such as the We-Vibe Vector, specially designed to reach the prostate and stimulate it effortlessly, which can help with such an exploration.
& # 39; Learning to use sex toys together can be part of a great pair of sexy fun. & # 39;
Do not pretend
& # 39; Do not orgasm to please your partner, & # 39; Silva says.
& # 39; If they think you like it, they keep doing the same things. Be honest and help your partner to touch you the way you want to be touched.
Silve recommends never faking an orgasm to please your partner. Pictured: Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally during the famous orgasm scene
& # 39; Having sex with someone is actually learning each other's body cards. Everybody is different! & # 39;
Do not panic!
Silva points out that many women & # 39; great sex & # 39; without experiencing orgasms.
& # 39; Orgasms are all different and they feel different, & # 39; he says.
& # 39; You can get orgasms from clitoral stimulation or vaginal stimulation. Some have orgasms where their breasts are touched or massaged.
& # 39; Some experience larger orgasms when their feet are stimulated. Others like vaginal intercourse, although many women do not experience orgasms through intercourse.
. [TagsToTranslate] Dailymail