Sex therapist Dr. Stephen Snyder offers his tips for making any man (including yours) a better lover
TELL HER YOU LOVE HER AT WORK
Many women fear that their partners are not thinking about them enough. So if you’re working and thinking about her, let her know.
Maybe send her something nice, like a steamy text or, even better, some flowers.
Then when you get home, don’t just kiss her. Instead, let her know that you missed her. Inhale the scent of her hair. Hold her, press her body against yours and hang there for a while. If she responds enthusiastically, embrace her passionately.
Just remember, it’s okay to enjoy a moment of mutual arousal together, even if you don’t plan on having sex. In sex therapy we call this ‘simmering’. Sometimes simmering can be more important than sex.
Many couples tell me that feeling this mutual desire can be more important to them than sex itself.
THINK PASSION, NOT TECHNOLOGY
Yes, it is nice to know what your partner likes. But make sure you’re not just doing it to please her. Make sure there is some passion in it for you too. After all, passion is selfish. Your partner wants to know that you are excited too.
Dr. Stephen Snyder tells couples to make sure there’s some passion for you guys because passion is selfish and don’t dive into sex initially, spend a few minutes doing ‘absolutely nothing’ first (stock photo)
I always ask men, “If you touch your partner, are you doing it for pleasure or for hers?” Most men say, ‘For her, of course! Isn’t that what I should do? ‘
Unfortunately, after a while, it can get pretty boring just doing it for her pleasure. Whatever you do, make sure it turns you on too! Real passion can be the greatest excitement.
CONSIDER THE BIG O AS A PUDDING
It’s nice to give a woman the chance to cum. But it’s important not to make her feel like she’s under pressure to climax.
As a sex therapist, I tell people that the one road to orgasm is the ‘high road’ where you just enjoy feeling aroused – a little lost in the moment – and then the orgasm just happens at the end, like dessert at the end. end of a really good meal.
In a restaurant you don’t sit down to eat while you’re already thinking about pudding; you enjoy the starter and main course on their own terms. Hey, maybe you don’t have a pudding at all. Sex should be like that too.
It’s best to ask your partner how important an orgasm is to her, as women vary. But many women tell me that feeling desired is much more important.
Dr. Stephen adds that men should tell their partners that they love them at work and that couples should go to bed together, take off their clothes … and do nothing at all (stock photo)
DON’T JUST DIVE IN HEADFIRST
Are ‘sex dates’ a good idea? Not always. Maybe you take off your clothes and go to bed at the appointed time, but you are not at all aroused. Isn’t that just a recipe for bad sex?
Instead, I tell couples to make an appointment to go to bed together, take off their clothes … and do nothing at all.
Most of us spend so much time thinking and acting that we wouldn’t have a sensual moment if it got over us. But if you don’t do anything together for a few minutes first, your mind has a chance to switch from thinking and doing to something called “consciousness.”
Awareness is where all the good happens. By the way, don’t worry about craving. That comes and goes and you cannot force it. What you can do is be open to inspiration. After all, you never know where that came from – a certain image of her body, a moment of laughing together. Make sure to cultivate awareness first. That way, you’re ready when inspiration strikes.
DR Stephen Snyder is the author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Term Relationship (St Martin’s Press).