A sex expert claims she nearly broke the internet when she gave surprising advice to parents of young children.
TikTok star Rachel Coler Mulholland suggested families stock up on condoms for kids aged 10 and up, so they get used to the feeling of using one even when self-stimulating.
In his next book, The birds, the bees and the elephant in the roomProvides parents with valuable advice on how to talk to children and teens about sex.
A crucial recommendation is to explain that condoms are one of the most effective and accessible forms of STI protection and contraception available.
“Using condoms protects people,” he says. So it makes sense to “encourage guys” to “get used to the feeling of using a condom, rather than avoiding it.”
Rachel says: ‘Guidance on self-examination should be shame-free, require privacy, and focus on hygienic practices’
Rachel is a mother of three children, aged five, eight and 16. Her book even includes sample scripts that parents can use to help start the awkward conversation about “the birds and the bees.”
The most reasonable and logical time to do it, he says, is while you’re masturbating.
Raquel – who has 762K followers On the social media platform, it even provides a sample script for parents to use, to help get the conversation started.
She suggests that parents say something like, “I wanted you to know that there’s a box of condoms under the bathroom sink for you. It’s really important for you to get used to the feel of condoms, because they’re one of the best ways to protect yourself when you’re older and start having sex with a partner.”
‘I have one here and I’ll show you how it works.
‘If you decide to use condoms while exploring, it might help you get used to the sensation and it can also help you not have to clean up as much after you’re done.
“I won’t ask you about them or where you keep them, but I will check the box from time to time and refill them for you. If you want to know more about how they work or if you want me to buy you a different kind, you can always ask me or leave me a note.”
Rachel is an adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Minnesota Morris and believes it’s never too early to start talking openly with your kids about sex, providing them with age-appropriate information as soon as they begin to explore their own bodies.
She writes: ‘Curiosity about the human body ranges from information seeking to sensory seeking. This self-exploration, also known as masturbation, is considered developmentally normal, although it has been highly stigmatized in many cultures.
‘Helping children understand the health and safety boundaries of self-exploration is an important and often daunting task for parents. However, proactive parental decisions can keep their children safe and potentially identify children who have become unsafe.’
She adds: “While some children may be ready and willing to have these conversations at age 10 or 11, others are not; some may be more receptive at age 12, 13 or 14. However, if they haven’t expressed their willingness by age 15, it should (in most cases) just come out.”
‘Guidance on self-examination should be free of shame, require privacy, and focus on hygienic practices.’
It even offers tips for introducing oral and anal sex, a conversation that can happen as early as age 10. That includes explaining in simple terms what goes where and emphasizing the need for lubrication.
Once you turn 18, you shouldn’t date anyone younger than you, says Rachel
However, she insists that children should not start dating until they are at least 12 years old.
In fact, Rachel, who is a mother of three children aged five, eight and 16, has created the Rule of Number 12 as a guide for early romantic relationships.
1. You can’t date anyone until you’re 12, because your brain isn’t ready – it’s still learning about itself and going through a lot of changes.
2. Once you start dating someone, your first dates will be group dates and chaperoned outings.
3. Until you are 18, you cannot date anyone who is 12 months older than you or 12 months younger than you.
4. Once you’re 18, you won’t date anyone under the age of 18. That includes talking to that person and waiting until the object of your desire turns 18. That, he says, is “grooming.”
While he acknowledges that these rules may not be popular with everyone and that there are always exceptions, he stands by them.
‘Developmental science tells us that every child and adolescent grows and matures at very different rates, development that can sometimes seem to have happened overnight, and… no more than 12 months apart is a reasonable rule of thumb to start with.’
The birds, the bees and the elephant in the roomHow to Talk to Your Kids About Sex and Other Sensitive Topics by Rachel Coler Mulholland is published by Union Square & Co on July 16
