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An alarming number of extramarital affairs begin in the workplace (some surveys suggest as many as 85 percent) and it’s no surprise that many of us spend more time at work than at home.
One reason is proximity. Men can be surprisingly unimaginative and rather lazy when it comes to choosing who they want, and can be influenced by someone they see every day at the office.
You’re more likely to connect with someone you spend a lot of time with, especially if there’s conflict (or even boredom) at home. Plus, flirting can be a way to make your job seem more entertaining and fun, but our natural human tendency to eroticize situations that are stressful means that innocent crushes can quickly spiral out of control.
One reason workplace affairs can be so insidious is that the office is a relatively easy place to hide an affair: any sexual interaction can easily be concealed behind the seemingly virtuous cloak of “staying late.”
Relationship expert Charlotte Fox Weber says you’re more likely to connect with someone you spend a lot of time with, especially if there’s conflict (or even boredom) at home.
Worse yet, it can allow you to convince yourself that you’re being good by continuing to work hard (and support your family) while having a little fun.
So if your partner is glued to their phone by the pool this summer, or taking “work calls” even on vacation, here are signs they might be hiding something…
He stays late at the office
The concept of “working late” is a gray area that gives men a lot of freedom to enjoy their pleasures.
Meetings are one thing, and working overtime to meet an urgent deadline is equally acceptable, but if he mumbles something vague about staying up late to do a little networking, he could be taking advantage of an ambiguous space that could encompass anything from a fun night out without you to hours of chatting.
It’s perfectly reasonable to ask for details of what working late actually entails, but don’t accept an answer that sounds suspicious and be on the lookout for nervousness or defensiveness.
Your ‘time accounting’ is bad
You might have reason to be suspicious if quick meetings seem to always extend, he repeatedly misses the train, has to unexpectedly extend a work trip, or constantly gets stuck in traffic. He could be blurring the boundaries to extend his time with a special someone. The only way to know for sure is to ask him directly.
He may have legitimate explanations, he may even be very unpunctual, but he should always be available by phone, preferably FaceTime (so you can see exactly where he is). Working late and not being able to reach him is a huge red flag.
REPEATEDLY REFERS TO A CO-WORKER
It’s perfectly fine to talk about people at work, even if you don’t know them personally, but if a name starts coming up again and again, you may have reason to worry.
Men can be surprisingly unimaginative and quite lazy when it comes to who they set their sights on, and can be influenced by someone they see every day at the office.
Whatever the work-related story (challenges, tasks, deadlines, jokes), if all roads lead to this particular person, you could be in trouble.
Be very alert to a bunch of really boring details (maybe their dog has been sick or they’re in a dispute with a plumber) that pop up as a conversation highlight or point of discussion.
If he tells you a lot of stories that don’t interest you at all, but instead always focus on one particular woman, it means that he is looking for any excuse to talk about her and it could be a sign that he has become obsessed.
SUDDENLY HE HAS BECOME SMARTER
Keep an eye on his work clothes and be curious whether your husband, who dresses in a full suit, suddenly starts taking more care of his appearance, improving his shirts and shoes, checking himself in the mirror before leaving the house. Yes, he may be looking for a promotion, but he may also be dressing to impress another woman.
SUDDENLY HE IS VERY EXCITED ABOUT WORK
If your once monotonous and stressful job now feels fun and rewarding and you head out the door with a spring in your step, this newfound enthusiasm could stem from a growing connection with a coworker.
High-stress work environments can force colleagues to bond in ways they normally wouldn’t, and if they’re going the extra mile at work, it’s worth asking what’s caused their sudden change in attitude.
HE IS UNEXPECTEDLY STRANGELY PROTECTIVE
Watch for signs that he has become unusually protective of a coworker and expresses concern for him when he seems dissociated from the family at home.
If this is worrying you, ask a well-meaning question like, “I’ve noticed you’re becoming more worried about XXX, he’s obviously going through a difficult time. Can you tell me why you’re so worried? Is there anything I can do to help?”
A VERY FRIENDLY COWORKER
You may enjoy a warm and friendly work environment that encourages regular family interaction, but it might be worth being a little suspicious if a colleague becomes super friendly with you and your children.
It could be a subtle sign that the person he’s fond of at work is harboring fantasies about a family life with her husband. Showing affection to his children could be a sign that he’s “auditioning” for a possible role as a future stepmother.
- As told to LOUISE ATKINSON
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