Dear Jana,
My partner went to a Bucks party last weekend and accidentally called me while he was organizing escorts to go to the house he and his friends rented for the weekend.
I haven’t told him yet, but I’m heartbroken. Do you think it’s cheating if she slept with an escort? How do I mention it?
Dear Alice,
If you had asked me this question a few months ago I would have been surprised. Surprised, I tell you! But I recently asked my male followers to tell me what happens at Bucks parties during one of my Monday night Saucy Secrets Instagram confessionals, and to say my jaw hit the floor would be an understatement.
Sure, I think we’re all familiar with the beers, the strippers, and the ridiculous hazing rituals that men participate in during these debauched events. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the deep sexual undercurrent. Infidelity, experimentation, escorts, pack mentality.
Bucks parties are not for the faint of heart and unfortunately, yes, escorts can participate in them. But do I think it’s cheating? Technically, yes. Emotionally, no. Now listen to me… When men get together, they encourage each other. While we women are happy to attend “life drawing” classes on our chickens and laugh while painting penises, many men tend to take it to a whole new level.
Jana Hocking Shares Her Best Sassy Secrets and Signature Sassy Tips
They think it’s “just a little fun” to dip their quill in someone else’s inkwell. It is not a deep connection, it is simply an exchange of services. And while this may seem gross, it’s not uncommon either: a recent survey reveals that one in five men have used escort services.
It sucks that you heard what they were doing, it really does. But you must approach this calmly. Nothing is resolved in a shouting match. He will want to deny it at first, so don’t expect all the answers straight away.
Just tell him how he made you feel and let him go and process two things: first, that you know; and second, the impact it has had on you.
If he really cares about you, he will regret it. If he responds angrily, then he’s clearly a buffoon and it’s time to say too-ta-loo.
Men. Can’t you just get excited about a pair of boobs swaying in your face? Why do you have to be so EXTRA?
Dear Jana,
I consider myself heterosexual. I have dated men my entire life and enjoyed their company. and sex.
But recently I discovered sexual feelings for a new friend. She is feminine, very attractive and the way she interacts with me seems flirtatious.
After we go out, I can’t stop thinking about her. Can sexuality change later in life?
Dear Coco,
Umm…if you haven’t fallen in love with at least one same-sex friend, have you even lived? I remember mine clearly. She was in high school and she was the first in our group to have boobs. I don’t know if it was the FOMO of not yet having my own set of ta-tas or just fascination, but all I know is that she wanted to touch them.
I also went through the existential ‘what does this mean?’ moment, but then I passed a guy named Ben with big brown eyes and broad shoulders and I happily went down that path.
I don’t think that means you’re going to change sexuality completely, I think it just took you by surprise. As I have said time and time again, sexuality is on a spectrum.
Jana shares advice on what to do if your partner has used an escort
There are those who sit firmly at one end known as “completely heterosexual” and those at the other end who are “completely homosexual” and then that glorious space in the middle where people sit all around.
They can be 80% heterosexual and 20% homosexual. Or 50/50 or 30/70. Some may shift a little to the left from time to time, others a little to the right.
Nothing in life is absolute, so why do we pigeonhole sexuality into such strictly labeled boxes? We humans are famous for our way of shapeshifting.
That’s why there are sayings like “gay at the doors” when people go to jail. Because we are sexual beings, and even when we are closeted and away from our usual “type”, we can still fall in love. It doesn’t matter how short it is.
Ask any guy who’s been to boarding school. In fact, even Benedict Cumberbatch hinted that he was going to experiment during his attendance and now he is a happily married man in every way.
And then there are those famous words from our Queen Samantha on Sex and The City that said ‘I’m trisexual.’ I’ll try anything once.’
So why not dabble? It’s the only way to know what we like. No existential crisis required. Just a good dose of exploration. Perhaps it is not the genitals that define our preferences, but the person. I know. Innovative.
Dear Jana,
My boyfriend has permanent bad breath. How can I talk about it with him without hurting his feelings? He really he’s making me sick.
Jana Hocking (above)
Ok Sophia, I’ve been in this situation before, so let me tell you what worked for me.
I subtly mentioned that I was going to the dentist that week for a long overdue appointment. So I said very casually to my friend: ‘When was the last time you went?’
When they say something crazy like ‘Oh, years ago!’ You can pretend to be worried and say, ‘Right! I’ll book you in this week.
If they resist, tell them some scandalous story about someone who put off a dental checkup and then had to have all their teeth removed. Scare them into sitting in the damn dentist’s seat for a good cleaning.
And I’m telling you, nothing makes you embrace flossing more than the disapproving grunt of a dentist looking deep into your mouth.
Ordered breath. Also make sure to always carry a packet of mints. The old ‘do you want some gum?’ It’s good for those quick emergency solutions.
