Dear Jana,
I hope you’re well. I’m in a bit of a dilemma and could really use your advice. Since I got laid off in June, I’ve been selling feet photos and, surprisingly, I’m making more than I did at my previous job. My husband thinks I received a promotion and is very excited, but he has no idea about the nature of my job.
Given his jealousy and slightly religious views, I’m worried about how he might react if I tell him the truth. I really enjoy what I do and it gives me the freedom to pursue other passions as well. How can I approach this conversation without causing major upset?
Thanks for your help! Anonymous
Oh anonymous,
For the life of me, I can’t understand why anyone would be jealous of you selling pictures of your feet. If it were your dad’s, sure! But those wriggling things attached to your foot are perfectly harmless and can be seen on many beaches far and wide. So get ’em out, girl, and earn that money!
If you have a problem with that, then I’d wonder how the hell you got such a boring old fart.
You’ve found a clever (and easy) way to make money. Bravo for you. If you allow him some freedom as part of the package, as far as I’m concerned, it’s a win-win.
Jana Hocking offers advice to three Australians who have found themselves in a series of uncomfortable and upsetting situations.
However (yes, unfortunately there is a however), I think you should confess. Can you imagine if he ran into someone from your old job and found out that way? Drama. Unnecessary drama.
So present your best food (oh, I’m laughing at me) and tell him directly. Call me crazy, but I think his reaction may surprise you.
Dear Jana,
My partner and I recently started swinging and it really revitalized our marriage. However, at a recent event, I unexpectedly reconnected with my first love and ended up sleeping with him while my husband was with someone else. This experience has stirred up old feelings and I am interested in sleeping with him again.
My ex mentioned that he wanted to know about future events I was attending so he could do it again, but I’m worried about how my husband would feel if he knew about my past connection. Is it okay to keep this information to myself or should I be honest with him? I really enjoy these events and don’t want to jeopardize our new dynamic.
Anonymous.
Dear anonymous,
Oh, this is a headache. Does it count as cheating if you are at a swingers party? This is complicated! I mean, on the one hand, good for reconnecting with someone you clearly have a good time with, but yeah, if I were the boyfriend I don’t think I’d love the idea.
Hmm… ok, let me think about this for a second… Ok, I got it!
You have to tell him. For the simple fact that you have both trusted each other with a new sexy lifestyle that requires just that: trusting each other and trusting the relationship. Maybe don’t mention that you already slept with your ex at a previous party. But bring up the fact that you’ve heard your ex attends these types of parties and ask your current partner how he would feel if you ran into him and fucked him.
Who knows, you might find it exciting? In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he asked to take care of them both. That type of problem is much more common than you think. If not, evaluate who means the most to you and move on from that. My bet is on your current partner.
‘Life is too short for regrets, but also too long to deal with unnecessary drama. Make it fun but make it smart,” Jana said.
Hello Jana,
So my girlfriend and I were in Las Vegas, had too many drinks and ended up ‘marrying’ Elvis at one of those chapels. I knew it wasn’t legit in Australia but now she really wants to register it and that’s scaring me a little.
I’m not ready for the whole marriage thing yet, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. How do I tell him without it being awkward?
Greetings, anonymous.
Dear anonymous,
Gosh, if we were all responsible for the things we said/did/promised after too many margaritas, we’d be all over it! I’m not going to lie, this story is giving Britney Spears circa 2004 vibes.
But let me start by saying that it sounds great to go on vacation with you! I love the idea of a spontaneous wedding – it’s an amazing story to tell the grandchildren! That being said, I get it; once you actually register it, you’re locked in.
Anyone who has come out of the bleak depths of a divorce will tell you that it’s not worth a silly night in. So trust your instinct. If it’s not the right time, then it’s not the right time.
My advice would be this: when you talk to her, be kind but firm. Avoid wishy-washy language that might give you hope that you will change your mind. Frame it as a ‘let’s enjoy where we are’ vibe. Maybe suggest setting a few more relationship goals before diving into something permanent.
Sure, it’s a fun dinner party story, but emphasize that real marriage deserves more attention than just a night in Vegas. You’d be surprised how well we women take the truth. Sure, there may be some tears, but in the long run she will appreciate your honesty. If not, do just that: run.