Dear Jana,
I have not been “endowed” with a large penis. I would say I am a size small to medium. Do women care?
Oh Tim,
I’m going to say something that may surprise you, so get ready. Women don’t like big penises. In fact, we fear them. You see, they need breathing exercises, resistance, and a lot of TLC to prepare. And don’t even get me started on the aftercare. It’s not fun.
Women only care about one thing: “the movement of the ocean.” Yes, it’s what you do with it that counts, not the actual size.
To get the most out of your child, you need to approach them from the right angles. May I suggest doggy style? This convenient movement uses the entire length of your shaft. Or maybe sitting in a chair with her on top of it. This position not only suits your friend great, but it also requires less “in/out” action and more movements.
And if all else fails, I suggest you be particularly good with your tongue. Sex is not made up of a single part of the body. It takes multiple skills to make a woman have an orgasm.
Why not spend some time on foreplay? Dirty talk, caressing, caressing, teasing: she will be so turned on that it doesn’t matter what size she is. Honestly.
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I want to date a celebrity. She’s on my wish list before I turn 20. How do I get her attention?
Sara, Sara, Sara. I can’t stress this enough… It’s overrated. I said it there.
As someone who has briefly swum in this paddling pool before, I would recommend rethinking this bucket list item. You’ll face big egos, lots of competitors, and attention spans equivalent to Dory from Finding Nemo. Short.
Because? Because they have many options.
But if you’re still not discouraged, then it’s pretty simple. It’s hot. Slide into their DMs. And fire your shot.
In the meantime, you might be wondering why you feel like you need a celebrity to make you feel special. Is something missing in your own life? There are many ways to get that wonderful serotonin rush. And thirsting after someone you’ve put on a pedestal probably isn’t the best way to get it.
Don’t get me wrong, if Brad Pitt swooped in and said “get naked,” then let’s be honest, I’m getting naked. But we can’t spend time chasing them. That’s just disgusting.
I struggle to last long “in the bedroom.” Any tips to give my friend a nice sleepless night?
Dear John,
You are recounting my memories of a previous lover from about 20 years ago. He also struggled in this department and I can tell that he’s actually a little flattering to a girl’s ego.
It makes us think that we should be real firecrackers in the bedroom and please don’t tell us otherwise.
However, yes, I can imagine it’s quite frustrating. So let me start by giving you some advice on what NOT to do. My ex used to shout ‘Grandmas, grandmas, grandmas’ to avoid climaxing. And like, yes, for stopping any form of ‘expulsion’, but I can’t express how unpleasant it was for me. Sure, it helped him last the distance, but I lost any form of libido in the process.
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No one should think about grandmothers while making wild and passionate love. Well, unless that’s your thing. In which case there is no trial.
But if you need to think of something unpleasant to keep your old man holding his distance, maybe just say it in your head, not out loud.
So now the solution. From personal experience in this department (it happens more than you think, John!), what you really want to do is keep the pace slow and steady. You don’t want to charge like a bull at the gates. You want to relax. Be the turtle John. Not the hare.
You also want to change positions a couple of times. If you’re stuck in one position and your mind gets carried away, maybe add a plot twist and change positions. This brief pause will help you focus. Bring you back down to Earth.
And here’s some slightly controversial but very successful advice… consider condoms as an option. I mean, you probably should already be if she’s not using any other birth control, but they also have a helpful way to slightly desensitize your penis. Which will help you last longer.
All is not lost John, you just have to slow down.
