Dear Jana,
I recently met a guy on a dating app who said he was 45 years old. I’m 38 and my age range is between 38 and 50, but even 50 is an exaggeration since I’m not interested in dating anyone closer to me. Dad’s age.
We had a great time on our first date and there was a real spark, but when he mentioned his upcoming birthday and I said ‘you’ll be 46 then’, he revealed that he was actually turning 54, not 46 as I thought. I must have seemed surprised because he apologized and explained that he had adjusted his age to expand his dating options.
He has since asked me on another date, but I’m not sure if he should go, despite our great chemistry. Can you trust him after starting with a lie? I feel like he cheated on me.
emma
Dear Emma,
You’ve touched on my favorite hate: men who lie about their age. It’s so disgusting! It feels desperate to pursue a younger woman and it’s tragic in every way. So, I would vote no to a second date.
However, it sounds like you had a great time, which makes me hesitate to tell you to shake this guy’s hand. Chemistry is hard to come by, so if you have it, you don’t want to ignore it. How about you tell him it’s strike one for lying and you’re certainly not impressed? But if you can promise to keep things open and honest from now on, you might consider another date.
Jana Hocking offers advice to three Australians who have found themselves in a series of uncomfortable and upsetting situations.
Yes, you’re giving him a little rap on the knuckles, but you’re also setting a healthy boundary and oh how we love good boundaries.
I’ve learned that sometimes our partners come in surprising packages, which we didn’t have on our manifesto lists. In your case, a dad!
So have fun on that second date and if things get worse, you can always drop him off at his nursing home and laugh out loud!
Dear Jana,
My coworker always has bad breath and sometimes BO. He’s great at his job and has a wonderful personality, but his body odor makes it unbearable to talk to him, and I spend meetings holding my breath to avoid inhaling his sweaty stench. On a hot day, the office reeks of sweat.
Everyone talks about it behind his back, but I’d like to address it so he can fix it. He also constantly complains about being single and I think he would have better luck if he controlled his odors. How should I bring it up to him without hurting his feelings or getting caught in an HR meeting?
Anonymous
Dear anonymous,
That sounds like my version of hell. The stench of halitosis mixed with sweaty body odors literally makes me nauseous, so my heart (and nostrils) go out to you.
You could try something I did a few years ago when confronted by a coworker who smelled like BO mixed with a hint of bourbon. I subtly handed him a bottle of deodorant (which I pulled out of my own drawer because I’m a polite coworker who always comes prepared for those slightly sweaty days). I didn’t say anything, I just put it in his hand. Yes, he looked mortified, but once he had thoroughly sprayed himself, he thanked me. Yes, he thanked me.
Sometimes you don’t even need words to say, ‘Hey, buddy, you suck.’ Maybe just put a toothbrush and some deodorant on your desk and walk away. You will get the message, without the need for an awkward conversation.
Alternatively, you could raise it with your HR department, and they could talk quietly to you. They’re experts at making awkward conversations, so why not let them handle it?
I think it’s good manners to have a toothbrush and deodorant in the workplace. Can we normalize that?
Dear Jana,
Two years ago, I switched from my boring retail job to working as a high-class escort after a client contacted me and was paid cash. It has given me financial freedom and a champagne lifestyle. I managed to buy a house, build up a healthy nest egg, and generally live life. But one thing is missing: a decent man.
As soon as I launch the escort bomb, they run for the hills. In 2024, is it really still a decisive factor? I am proud of my work and have never been shy about sharing it, even with my family. But I’m starting to wonder if discretion might be a better option. Any tips for navigating this dating minefield?
Candice
“I’ve learned that sometimes our partners come in surprising packages, which we didn’t have on our manifesto lists,” says Jana.
Dear Candice,
Oh how I relate to your situation! Not in the “sell my body for money” sense. Unfortunately, I tend to only be sexually attracted to broke men. I joke. But as someone who also scares men because of my work writing about sexy topics, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s as if their penises wrinkle at the mere mention of a woman talking about the art of a good orgasm.
However, let’s take a moment to consider this dilemma from a dating standpoint. If I met the man of my dreams and he revealed to me that he sleeps with other women, I would probably have a hard time staying. Like many people, I don’t enjoy sharing my toys!
So, I think you should explore the new age, more open-minded market. Look for guys who embrace modern thinking, like a contemporary hippie vibe. Open relationships may be worth considering, especially because while you view your job as a job, it involves intimacy. A lot!
It’s wonderful that you own your work with pride, but unfortunately, some people will still have reservations. As frustrating as it is, it is something we have to accept. Not everyone is as carefree and unreserved as we would like them to be.
Cool guys come in all shapes and sizes, so maybe being a little more flexible with your dating preferences could help.
And definitely avoid keeping your profession a secret; A relationship based on lies is sure to end in disaster. Have you never seen ‘Diary of a Prostitute’? Disaster.
