Whether it’s saying pick up lines or receiving flowers, everyone has their own idea of romance.
But experts now say that four key traits contribute to “romantic competence.”
TO new studyled by Western Kentucky University, states that perceptual, behavioral, selective, and interactive factors all play a role in the formation of a happy relationship.
Couples who steer clear of insecurities and jealousy are considered “more romantically competent,” with a “glass half full” view of love.
But fiery passion wasn’t considered a big deal, as researchers say it doesn’t really reflect love, trust or commitment.
Scientists believe optimism is key to romantic competition and relationship satisfaction.
‘Our research demonstrates the importance of social cognitive processes in problem solving in relationships,” said Michelle R. Persich Durham, lead author of the study.
‘Romantically competent people tended to view relationships more positively and were less likely to have relationship concerns and doubts.
“It was also found that they tended to date partners who were equally competent and who described themselves as having intrinsic qualities like kindness, as opposed to extrinsic qualities like money and status.”
As part of their research, the experts surveyed 171 predominantly heterosexual couples who were at different stages of their relationships, from “casual dating” to “married.”
Participants were presented with 10 fictional scenarios, ranging from simple lifestyle differences to more serious issues, such as discovering a couple’s secret Tinder profile.
Each partner was asked how they would respond to the issues at hand, and their answers were used to determine their romantic competence and satisfaction.
Overall, the scientists found that accessible and responsive couples were the most satisfied in their relationships.
This came under the umbrella of ‘behavioral competence’, with more antisocial partners being considered to be less skilled in relationships.
Optimism was also considered a key “perceptual” factor of competition, with the best partners being less prone to problematic insecurities and doubts.
But experts say that competition also depends on the characteristics of our other half.
If both partners maintain a balance in their optimism, sociability, and approachability, this can further increase romantic satisfaction as part of “interactive competition.”
If both partners maintain a balance in their optimism, sociability, and approachability, this can increase romantic satisfaction.
This is also related to “selective mating” as it is believed that couples with similar levels of intelligence, attractiveness, money, status and kindness will get along much better in the long run.
These values increased with age, suggesting that extensive relationship experience may increase your wisdom about what not to do over time.
However, passion plays no role in this, and researchers claim that it fades over time.
In light of this, psychologists Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley and Dr. Gurpreet Kaur believe that acknowledging our own romantic competence can help improve relationships.
Dr Kaur told MailOnline: “There are many things to consider when thinking about one’s own ‘romantic competition’ and becoming the best version of ourselves in relationships.
‘The journey must begin with self-awareness through self-reflection, which means taking time to reflect on our own life experiences and how they have impacted us. Recognizing patterns, both positive and negative, can be insights for growth.
“It’s also important to look at the important relationships around you and ask yourself what you’ve learned from them, as learning can often be implicit, meaning it’s done unintentionally.”
Dr Goddard-Crawley also told MailOnline: “Romantic competition, viewed through the lens of attachment theory, depends on an individual’s ability to establish and maintain healthy and secure romantic bonds.”
‘As life continually evolves, relationships must adapt to various challenges and transitions. Romantic competence encompasses the ability to embrace change and collaboratively navigate life’s myriad twists and turns with a partner.
