Dear Jana,
My wife and I are in a pretty unique situation, and I thought you were the perfect person to offer guidance.
We have been together for 10 years. Our sex life is great, and one of the reasons is that we have good communication. Recently, we started talking about ways to spice things up and my My wife confided in me that she is doubly curious.
Now I deeply value her happiness, which is why we have decided to have a threesome with another woman. This is a small way I can support her on her journey..
So, with the decision made, my question is: what’s next? Where do we meet women interested in MFF threesomes? And when it goes down, how can my wife and I make sure that the experience strengthens, rather than complicates, our marriage.
Rum.
Dear Ron,
Can I start by saying that I’m obsessed with how seriously you’re taking this threesome? And thank you for doing God’s work by supporting your wife’s bicuriosity. Indeed, it is very noble of you to accept one for the team.
Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking gives her signature sassy advice to Australians who need help with their love life, or lack thereof.
But let’s face it, Ronnie boy: between you and me, you’re quietly happy with the idea of sleeping with two women, right? You are a shameless demon.
But enough of that. Let’s get to work because this trio is not going to plan itself. Lucky for you, I’ve come up with three easy options to help you navigate these sexy, uncharted waters.
Option 1: An escort
If you’re nervous about how this might turn out, you can always look for an escort. There is no shame in that game! But, Ron, this is not the time to be frugal. Spend a little money and enjoy someone with experience who knows how to put a nervous partner at ease.
Think of it as a mini investment in a relationship (I wonder if you can claim it on taxes). She’ll know exactly how to keep things fun and stress-free while making you feel like horny teenagers.
Option 2: A ‘friend’
If an escort seems too transactional to you, you can ask your wife if she has a friend in mind. I know, it’s risky business, but hear me out: there’s often a flirtatious friend in every girl group who’s secretly dying for this kind of invitation. (*cough, cough, me*)
Just keep in mind: If you go this route, set some solid boundaries beforehand. The last thing you want is for your wife to be afraid of book club because the ‘Sarah trio’ keeps winking at her over the cheese platter.
Option 3: Swipe
There are some wildly naughty apps on the market right now, like Feeld, that exist specifically for adventurous couples like you. It’s basically Tinder, but designed for people who want threesomes. Pass over a glass of wine together and watch out for catfish.
Maybe ask for a Facetime chat first before meeting the lucky girl. Whichever path you choose, remember: communication is key. Don’t forget to set boundaries and expectations before anything happens.
Trust me, there’s nothing sexier than knowing everyone is on the same page. And don’t forget the post-threesome debrief: yes, a little chat afterwards is essential to make sure everyone feels good and there are no weird vibes lingering.
This week Jana doesn’t stop to give advice to a woman whose husband spends too much time on the phone with his ex-wife.
Dear Jana,
My husband is still in regular contact with his ex-wife, which I understand is necessary because they have children together. He says their conversations are strictly about the kids, but I checked his phone the other night (not my best time) and noticed that they talk for up to an hour a couple of times a week.
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. She was the one who left him, and although he has assured me countless times that he is over her, looking at her call log makes me think otherwise. There has always been a little voice in the back of my head that fears that he never fully moved on and that he might have married me because I’m younger and prettier, just to show him what he lost.
Is it normal for divorced parents to communicate so much or is this a possible red flag? I really want to trust him, and maybe this is just a part of living a blended family life, but it doesn’t seem like it.
Julie (not my real name).
Dear Julie (not your real name),
Condolences on a disgusting discovery.
As I always say, snooping through someone’s phone never ends well, and this proves my point.
Looks like you’re J.Lo in this little love triangle. Yes, just as Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have always seemed overly friendly during those paparazzi-drop-off-the-kids moments, my gut tells me that your husband may still have a little flame for his ex.
And that’s not the end of the world (most of us still carry a little glimmer of a past love), but those hour-long conversations? They’re not exactly shouting “strictly for the children.”
Let’s call a spade a spade: The ex-wife is clearly not shutting down these chats. If anything, I’d say she’s encouraging him to remain emotionally available to her. Bad ex-wife!
Most guys I know would rather have a rectal exam than sit and chat on the phone. So yeah, super suss.
It sounds like you’ve already brought up your fears, given the “he’s reassured me countless times” situation.
But maybe it’s time to be a little more direct. I would ask him flat out: ‘What’s the problem with these hour-long calls to your ex?’ If he is truly committed to you, he will realize that these conversations are blurring boundaries and will step forward to reassure you.
But if he ignores you or doubles down, well, let’s just say you might want to dust off the old Tinder because you deserve a partner who’s totally on board with you.
God, I hate competing with the ghosts of my past girlfriends. But hey, congratulations on being younger and sexier, I guess.
Dear Jana,
Is it possible to masturbate too much?
A recent conversation with my partner left me a little confused and unsure about what is considered “normal” in this area.
To put it in context, I typically masturbate about once a week, usually when my partner travels for work or on those rare occasions when intimacy doesn’t completely satisfy me and I still want an orgasm. To me, that seems like a healthy balance.
However, my partner revealed that he masturbates every day, usually in the shower. What the hell! That can’t be normal?
Now I wonder if that makes him a sex addict or, worse yet, am I not enough for him? I’ve never given myself reason to think that before, but now I don’t know if I should take this personally.
Please give my overthinking brain a remedy.
Anonymous.
Dear anonymous,
Oh Lord, forgive me if I am a little direct, but the answer is very easy: no.
That your partner jerks off daily is not a sign of sex addiction and does not mean at all that “you are not enough.” It simply means he is a living, breathing man with a functional libido and access to hot water.
So, to better answer your question, is daily masturbation normal? Absolutely.
I mean, Jackie O recently confessed on her podcast that she uses her vibrator up to eight times a day. (Yes, eight!)
Meanwhile, here I was, thinking my once-a-day morning “buzz” was too much. Turns out, we’re all trying to live our best orgasm-filled lives, and honestly, good for us!
Also, side note: I heard that masturbation is good for your health because it uses muscles you don’t normally use during exercise. It sure beats jazz exercise.
As for your partner? You’re probably just taking advantage of the convenient privacy of the shower. Nothing scandalous.
Masturbation doesn’t mean you’re lacking as a partner, it’s just a different type of release. People masturbate for all kinds of reasons: habit, boredom, stress relief… it’s rarely a reflection of their feelings towards you.
So what should you do?
Nothing. Leave that poor man alone to masturbate in torrid silence.
But if you’re feeling frisky and want to spice things up, why not turn your solo habit into something the two of you can enjoy?
Maybe surprise him in the shower one morning or leave him a cheeky photo where he’ll find it. Stay “front and center” in your mind as he performs the action.
A little hot, right?