‘I learned about their story through Netflix.’ That was the effusive welcome given to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex by Colombian Vice President Francia Marquez as she greeted the couple on their final unofficial official royal tour.
What a shameful admission. On that basis, he may appoint Meghan as honorary attorney general, given that she once starred in a legal drama, Suits.
Perhaps Prince Harry, given his self-confessed experiences with the former “Colombian marching powder,” can play a useful role in that country’s military. I kid, of course. But in many ways, Colombia is the perfect choice for the Sussexes in their waning attempt to remain relevant. After all, it is a country eager to reinvent itself, just like the Duke and Duchess.
The new leftist government is desperate to gloss over some uncomfortable truths (civil unrest, drug trafficking, kidnappings, murders), hoping instead to promote a much more harmonious vision to attract wealthy foreign investment and boost tourism.
Yet Colombia remains one of the most dangerous places in the world. The land of former drug lord Pablo Escobar is where a large number of foreign tourists have been killed in the past three years, many of them victims of drug trafficking and prostitution. The age of consent is 14, making it a magnet for sex tourists.
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex on their visit to Colombia this week
Meghan is welcomed in Colombia by Vice President Francia Márquez
But, as seen on their “royal” tour of Nigeria (another country where human rights, apparently so close to the Sussexes’ hearts, are treated with less respect than a tissue), it would seem that Harry and Meghan are not too squeamish when it comes to accepting hospitality.
I suppose part of the appeal is that while countries like Britain and, increasingly, the United States, have grown tired of the couple’s endless attention-seeking antics (personally, I can’t wait until they finally achieve their stated goal of living quietly out of the spotlight), in places like Colombia and Nigeria, their status as royal exceptions is seen as a perfect opportunity.
Easily flattered and even more easily seduced by the charms of fame, the couple are the ideal useful idiots for canny politicians keen to boost their profile.
Not much is needed. Presidential-style security (in Colombia, they are accompanied by a man wielding a Kevlar shield), police escorts, sycophantic dignitaries, dancing with locals, visits to schools in poor areas, tree planting, posing with ethnic objects – everything is in order. All the essential (and much missed) elements of royalty and fame are used, with bells and whistles.
Meghan plays her special role of kneeling compassionately in front of a child and is photographed looking beatific with a carefully selected group of youngsters. Harry dances awkwardly with the natives and high-fives adoring teenagers.
His wife gets a chance to show off her jewelry and a selection of new outfits and say things like “connect with each other,” while everyone nods and applauds. They do one of their spontaneous public displays of affection, with their hands on their knees.
It’s like the old days, before Megxit, but without any of the drawbacks. Almost as if they were still full-time working royals, just without any of the responsibilities or boring tasks.
For example, having to speak to royal members of the public (brrrr!), or standing in the rain watching soldiers march by, or attending functions with other royals, some of whom (God forbid) might even be more senior than them. Or having to live in a cottage on the Windsor estate with just 5,000 square feet of space.
In countries like Colombia, they are still taken seriously and treated with respect, rather than seen for what they are: a couple of entitled narcissists who believe the world owes them a living. They get to enjoy the status they clearly feel was unfairly denied them when they (willingly) turned their backs on their official royal roles.
In other words, they take everything they have and eat it. That’s why I suspect we’ll see more and more copycat royal voyages.
After all, it doesn’t look like American Riviera Arachnid (or whatever their latest business venture is called) is going to take the world by storm. Fortunately for them, there’s no shortage of dodgy regimes with deep pockets desperate for a bit of royal glitz.
Of course, they could never get their hands on the original item, but Harry and Meghan are perfectly available. All they have to do is dress it up in something decent and that’s it: by royal appointment.
But that is not the case, and they are not. These selfish show-offs are not working members of royalty. They do not represent the Royal Family, even if they act as if they do. This must stop. Surely King Charles cannot tolerate this blatant exploitation of the British monarchy, however much he loves his son.
I hate to say it, sir, but it’s time to put our foot down, before these dollar store kings devalue the brand beyond repair.
Labour MPs are abandoning Twitter/X, with one claiming Elon Musk has turned it into “a megaphone for foreign adversaries and far-right groups”. It was a convenient tool for Corbynistas and other far-left groups when the Tories were in power. Maybe they just don’t like a taste of their own medicine.
Sharing Molly-Mae’s pain
My kids (well, mainly my daughter and her friends) are very upset about Molly-Mae and Tommy Fury’s break-up. They haven’t talked about much else since the former Love Island contestant made it “official” on Instagram.
I’ve always been fascinated by how people take such an interest in other people’s breakups, especially when they don’t even know about them. But every generation does it: Burton and Taylor, Charles and Di, Brad and Angelina. Maybe it’s comforting to know that these seemingly perfect lives are actually just as complicated and messy as our own.
Molly-Mae has ended her relationship with Tommy Fury. The couple have a daughter together
Conservative leadership candidate Kemi Badenoch has been reprimanded for missing a vote because she took her young family on holiday. When her rival Robert Jenrick was bizarrely asked what kind of chocolate he would choose, he replied – in a very ungentlemanly joke – “Certainly not a snowflake.”
In fact, Badenoch’s decision should count in his favour. I have seen too many politicians neglect their families for the sake of politics: we want real people in charge, not power-hungry sociopaths.
Donald Trump appears to have sabotaged his campaign with his relentless pursuit of Joe “Sleepy” Biden. Kamala Harris is proving to be less of a pushover than expected. That said, those who want to join his team are asked to indicate their preferred pronouns, such as “he,” “she,” “xem,” or “fae” (faer), which apparently applies to those who identify as faeries. As in “out with”? A gift, no doubt, to Donald’s speechwriters.
Former US President Donald Trump speaks during an event earlier this week
Football is back! Hurray! No more riots until next summer.