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ROWAN PELLING explains what a woman really means when she moans during sex

Once, while staying in a cheap hotel in Paris, sleep proved impossible because a woman in an adjoining room moaned all night in alleged ecstasy.

I say “supposed” because, as fans of the movie When Harry Met Sally know, courtesy of Meg Ryan’s loud simulation of an orgasm in a cafe, bedroom enthusiasm can be easily faked.

In fact, according to findings from University of Ottawa researchers published this week, moaning is a poor indicator that a woman is experiencing genuine sexual pleasure — so bad they suggest it be taken off the official Orgasm Rating Scale altogether.

After speaking to more than 600 women, they say that faster breathing, goosebumps, pulsing, sweating, tingling and red skin are all much clearer signs that the Earth is moving.

Emma Thompson and Daryl McCormack in Good Luck To You, Leo Grande.  Moaning is a bad indicator that a woman is experiencing real sexual pleasure.  Over 600 women say sweating and pulsing are all a much clearer sign

Emma Thompson and Daryl McCormack in Good Luck To You, Leo Grande. Moaning is a bad indicator that a woman is experiencing real sexual pleasure. Over 600 women say sweating and pulsing are all a much clearer sign

Yet these are hardly new messages – at least for women. Even the Kama Sutra, which dates back to the 3rd century AD, contains instructions on how a woman should make appreciative sounds.

Because yes, we know we don’t have to moan during sex. But a display of sighs and groans is very helpful in the bedroom. After all, you need some sort of cue to tell your partner they’re hitting your sweet spot.

And it works both ways; males also vocalize to indicate that their needs are being met. Changes in volume and tone are used in the same way that people say “warm, warmer, very warm, boiling hot” during a treasure hunt. The closer you are to the treasure, the more excited the alert.

You would only ignore these signposts to the big O if you didn’t care about the other person’s pleasure.

Evolutionary scientists have their own views on vocalization. Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha’s acclaimed book Sex At Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality has an entire chapter devoted to exploring why women don’t remain silent during sex.

The authors pointed out that humans are not the only female primates to make a lot of noise during a sexual encounter.

An elitist 61-year-old writer friend of mine is a lifelong accuser of the time-honored art of faking an orgasm.  She describes it as an

An elitist 61-year-old writer friend of mine is a lifelong accuser of the time-honored art of faking an orgasm. She describes it as an “occasional, very practical exercise” that she does when she’s feeling tired or not in the mood to make love.

Zoologists have found that vocalization can occur “before, during, or immediately after” mating of primates. It seems to be a way the female of the species incites other males in the group.

The evolutionary view is that it’s a “copulation call,” or a way of informing other men that a woman is fertile and may be enjoying a bit of rival attention — what Darwinists describe as “sperm wars.” It is in the interest of the female to attract the strongest male nearby so that any offspring are beautiful specimens.

There is also an evolutionary theory that if the child’s paternity is questionable and multiple suspects could be the father, all males in the group will have an incentive to protect the female and her offspring.

Apparently, baboon ‘copulating vocalizations’ are particularly complex, and the more monogamous the primate species, the less vocal the mating call.

Problems can arise if an anxious woman persists in expressing any sign of pleasure when she actually feels none

Problems can arise if an anxious woman persists in expressing any sign of pleasure when she actually feels none

Back in the human realm, the theatrical moans that characterize modern pornography – and in turn mainstream TV and cinema – means no wonder that women have learned to pronounce pleasure in an almost automatic way.

Conversely, an elitist 61-year-old author friend of mine is a lifelong accuser of the time-honored art of faking an orgasm.

She describes it as an “occasional, very practical exercise” that she does when she’s feeling tired or not in the mood to make love.

She finds it “friendlier and more polite” to appear enthusiastic when erotic overtures are made under those circumstances, and then “to bring the procedure to a successful conclusion with a lot of encouraging sound.”

She’s not the first woman to notice (and sexologists agree) that a lot of encouraging noise will accelerate the masculine man to a crescendo – “and then everyone can go to sleep.” Perhaps one of the dangers of this study is that it serves to get rid of those complaining people, who are also fakers.

When the orgasm gap is already skewed that much in favor of men, research shows that while 95 percent of men report that they usually or always climax during sex, it drops to 65 percent for heterosexual women.

When the orgasm gap is already so skewed in favor of men – research shows that while 95 percent of men report that they usually or always climax during sex, it drops to 65 percent for heterosexual women

But problems can arise if an anxious woman persists in expressing every sign of pleasure when she actually feels none.

I know a couple who were together for 30 years – and married for 24 years – before the woman announced that she had never had an orgasm during their relationship.

What was nearly impossible for the husband to accept — and what led to their rather inevitable divorce — was not that he hadn’t been able to satisfy her, but the fact that she’d given him every sign of sexual satisfaction, including throaty vocalizations, for three decades. , instead of telling him the truth.

You can’t imagine how much commotion could have been avoided if she had known the situation earlier and they had sought help to solve the problem. My advice to women is to be honest about their pleasure or else you could be helping your crush adopt unsatisfying habits.

When the orgasm gap is already so skewed in favor of men — research shows that while 95 percent of men report that they usually or always climax during sex, it drops to 65 percent for heterosexual women — we need to speak out. what actually turns us on.

It strikes me that this principle of honesty may be even more important in short-term relationships, because it is always better to pass a man on to his next partner who is more educated in the erotic arts. Don’t make him think he’s Casanova when he’s actually Mr Bean.

Anyway, a life without sighs and moans is one without sexual cues – and, lord knows, we all need a road map when we’re lost in the sexual desert.

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