President Joe Biden’s stopover in Britain has drawn headlines in the United States. Once again, time to check with the broadcast partners for this column at Eye-Witness News, Palm Beach…
Good morning, America, how are you? This is your favorite son Chad Hanging with another three hours of fake news for you to use.
The president landed in England last night on his way to a NATO summit in Europe. Let’s cross our special correspondent Brit Limey live. Good morning, Brit.
Good morning, Chad. I am standing on the grounds of historic Winslow Castle, a short helicopter ride from Regency Park, where the President spent the night before at the official residence of the US Ambassador, Winifred House.
How did the president show up after the long flight, Brit?
RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: President Joe Biden’s (right) stopover in Britain has been grabbing headlines in the US. Once again, it’s time to check with the broadcast partners of this column at Eye-Witness News, Palm Beach. ..
A little tired, Chad. After disembarking unsteadily from Marine One, he wandered off into Regency Park and his Secret Service had to intervene to prevent him from falling into the famous penguin pool at the nearby London Zoo.
According to reports we’ve seen on social media, he tripped and fell down some steps.
No, that was El Jefe, not the President. Bruce Springsteen fell off the ramp during his concert at London’s Jekyll & Hyde Park.
Looks like you weren’t the only one dancing in the dark, Brit. Questions about the president’s cognitive ability won’t go away.
That’s true, Chad. Sources close to the president tell me that he thought he was in Yew-Krane, not Yew-Kay.
Tell us about your itinerary, Brit.
This morning, President Biden was ushered into a meeting with Dishi Souness.
Dishi Souness, President of England.
What happened to President Boris Yeltsin?
You mean Boris Johnson, Chad. He was forced to resign after being accused of lying about eating a birthday cake during the Covid lockdown.
Not exactly Watergate, British.
This is how the cookie, or rather the birthday cake, falls apart here at the Yew-Kay.
So who is this Dishi Souness?
He was Secretary of the Treasury under President Boris. He is now the first Yew-Kay Indian President.
Are you a Native American?
Not exactly, Chad, he’s an Indian Indian, from India. Or rather, his parents are Indians, from Kenya, in Africa.
So he’s African American, like President Obama?
No, Chad, he was born in Yew-Kay, although until recently he had a green card that gave him the right to live and work in the US. He had to give it up when he became president.
RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Good morning, United States, how are you? This is your favorite son Chad Hanging with another three hours of fake news you can use
So how did President Biden and President Souness get along?
Aside from the fact that President Biden thought he was meeting Yew-Krane’s President Wollensky, they got along, up to a point. They had tea in the garden of 10 Darwin Street, the residence of the president of Yew-Kay.
And what did they talk about?
The official line that came out of the meeting was that the special relationship was rock solid. President Biden said that the US could not have a closer friend and greater ally than Yew-Kay.
That Queen Carmela is one tough cookie, Chad.
Not really, Chad. There are fundamental disagreements over President Biden’s veto on the appointment of Yew-Kay defense minister Ben Wallace as the next NATO chief. He wants to install the current EU president, Ulrika van der Valk. The first lady, Jill Biden, believes that the next head of NATO should be a woman.
So what do the Yew-Kay have against Frau van der Valk?
They say she was the worst German defense secretary in history. Under her watch, German troops were given broomsticks instead of rifles and had to shout ‘Bang, Zwei, Drei!’ on NATO training exercises.
Putin must be shaking with his snow covered boots.
That is why President Biden is sending cluster bombs to Yew-Krane, something Yew-Kay opposes. The two leaders also disagree on allowing Yew-Krane to join NATO. And the meeting broke up after just 42 minutes. Apparently, President Biden badly needed to use the bathroom.
Sounds more like cluster mayhem than a tea party.
You could say that, Chad, I couldn’t comment, as President Spacey said in House Of Cards.
What happened to President Spacey? He wasn’t in the last Netflix series.
No, Chad, he’s in court in London on sexual assault charges.
So President Biden quickly walked away from the meeting.
Yes Chad. He refused to speak to the BBC, telling them he was Irish, even though his father was part English and part French. And there was a near diplomatic incident on the way back to the ambassador’s residence when police pulled over the Beast in Regency Park for going 35 mph in a 20 mph zone and not paying the ULEZ fee.
The fact that?
ULEZ. It’s a clean air tax, it stands for Ultra Low Emissions Zone, it costs $15 a day and Mayor Genghis Khan will extend it to the outer suburbs of London beyond the ring road. The Beast produces enough emissions to melt the polar caps.
So what’s next for President Biden, Chad?
He’s at Winslow Castle behind me for a meeting with King Charles and Queen Carmel.
Carmel? Does she have the same name as Tony Soprano’s wife?
Ten-four, Chad. And by all accounts, she’s just as tough. This was the first time the president had met King Charles since he rather rudely declined an invitation to attend the coronation at Westchester Abbey. It is an attempt to repair their relationship.
How did that work out?
President Biden was invited to inspect the Welsh Guards at Winslow Castle. He did not make eye contact and continued to refer to them as ‘Redcoats’, the name Americans gave British troops during the Revolutionary War for Independence.
And physically, what did the President look like?
Once again, he seemed to be confused and unsteady on his feet. There were fears that he could wander into Winslow Great Park. He had to be led back to the podium by the King and his kilted groom.
RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: So can this visit be considered a success? Certainly President Biden hopes that he has reinforced the special relationship, not that he really cares. He even flew the Union Jack on the Beast’s hood, though that gesture may have backfired.
Some kind of royal personal assistant, Chad, as the president’s body man. It’s quite a hit with the laydees.
Do we know what Charles and the president discussed?
Over lunch, they discussed their passionate commitment to reducing carbon emissions and fighting climate change. The president was then driven in the Beast a few hundred meters to Marine One, which transported him to Air Force One, ready to take him safely to the NATO summit in Ruritania.
So can this visit be considered a success?
Certainly President Biden hopes that he has reinforced the special relationship, not that he really cares. He even flew the Union Jack on the Beast’s hood, though that gesture may have backfired.
How is that?
Some observers thought it was flying upside down, which is a distress signal.