The real reason you’re suddenly not “attractive” in a relationship – and it has nothing to do with sex
- Starielle Hope Newman is an experienced couples therapist
- She has worked with thousands of couples on fading intimacy
A relationship therapist has revealed the real reason why attraction and intimacy fade in long-term relationships — and it has nothing to do with “spicing things up” in the bedroom.
Starielle Hope Newman has worked with thousands of couples and admitted that there was a striking common denominator when it came to their dwindling relationships.
The pro explained that when two people spend much of their time together, petty resentments build and their chemistry fades away.
Over time, it is difficult for a person to see his partner without also imagining his many mistakes – such as not doing the dishes immediately or leaving dirty laundry on the floor.
Starielle recommended that couples familiarize themselves with low-level conflict resolution to keep the “magic” alive.
Starielle Hope Newman has worked with thousands of couples and admitted there was a striking common denominator when it came to their dwindling sex lives
The relationship expert made a video explaining the phenomenon.
“No one is talking about it because it’s not as simple as ‘buying a new toy,'” she said.
She first revealed that attraction is created when energy is allowed to flow freely between two people, which is more commonly known as “chemistry.”
The therapist revealed that being attracted to someone is akin to two people standing between them with a clear pane of glass.
“When a relationship starts, the glass is perfectly clear — there’s no resentment, nothing bad is said. But over time things go unsaid.
“Someone leaves their dishes in the sink without clearing them, but it’s not brought up because it’s not a big deal, or someone else leaves their underwear on the floor.
“Anytime there’s a little conflict that goes unresolved, it’s like throwing a bunch of mud at that windowpane,” Starielle explained.
The therapist revealed that being attracted to someone is akin to two people standing between them with a clear pane of glass
The psychologist explained that every little unsolved problem adds more mud to the previously clear glass, and after a point it becomes impossible to see the other person without thinking about their mistakes.
“The energy stops flowing because you can’t see each other, and then you lose the sense of chemistry and the life force that flows between you.”
She added, “So what you really need to do is take out that grudge and have the conversations you haven’t had.”
The therapist advised all couples to communicate with each other about minor issues that upset them.
“You may need professional help as this can be very sensitive,” she advised.
Many agreed with Starielle’s explanation and shared their own experiences.
“Thanks for your explanation, I feel like I understand my past relationships better now,” said one woman.
“This certainly makes sense,” said another. “I’ve been with my husband for 17 years and the only reason I’m still attracted to him is because we talk about everything and tackle our problems together.”
‘[My attraction] died over eight years contributing nothing to the household and 100 percent I was his mother/maid as he drank every night,” one woman said sadly.