Last night, Tulisa ‘came out’ as demisexual, a sexuality that involves feeling sexual attraction to a person with whom you have an emotional, rather than physical, connection.
The N-Dubz star, 36, made his confession during last night’s episode of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here during a candid discussion with his campmates about his love life.
Now, a psychotherapist has told MailOnline that she believes demisexuality is not a legitimate sexual preference and that using the label “pathologizes” healthy relationships.
Bhavna Raithatha, accredited by the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, said she “doesn’t like” the term “demisexual”.
“Developing attraction to someone from an emotional connection has been around forever,” he told MailOnline.
“Just because we’ve labeled it now doesn’t mean it’s something new.”
Raithatha said the use of the term is a symptom of the current “transactional hookup culture.”
“We used to take the time to meet people, get to know each other, go out to eat, talk, find out who they were and whether we were connected or not,” he said.
Tulisa, 36, revealed she has been celibate for more than three years when she came out as demisexual during Tuesday night’s episode of I’m A Celebrity.
‘We had a second date, a third and then it turned into a relationship. It was a slower, more meaningful and conscious process compared to what we are seeing today.
‘Now it’s about the “swipe here, swipe there in and out” connection.
Tulisa also told her campmates that she had been celibate for three years, adding that the thought of being with someone made her feel “physically sick.”
“I feel like I’m demisexual, I need to have a very close emotional bond with someone,” he added.
‘I need real depth. “I’m a slow burner, I’ve been celibate for over three years.”
Tulisa previously suffered a very high-profile court case after her ex-boyfriend Justin Edwards, who she broke up with in 2009, released a sex tape of her in 2012.
She previously told how she felt “judged, disgusted and ashamed” because of the ordeal and said it took her “many years” to come to terms and get over it.
Publishing sex tapes or images taken in a relationship after a breakup (a revenge porn trend) was not illegal at the time, meaning Tulisa only managed to get a court apology from her ex.
In 2015 it was made a specific offense in England and Wales and carries a sentence of up to two years in prison.
Raithatha said he was aware of other cases where victims of revenge porn had claimed to be “demisexual” afterward, which they say is a way to protect themselves in future relationships.
“It shouldn’t be a surprise given her (Tulisa’s) personal experience, which was so distressing and so betrayed by an ex-partner,” he said.
At the peak of her fame, Tulisa endured a very high-profile court case after her ex-boyfriend Justin Edwards, whom she had broken up with in 2009, released a sex tape of her in 2012.
Raithatha added that while “demisexuality” is not a real or useful label, the feelings that motivate it are.
It could be seen as a rejection of the instant sex-on-demand attitude and the dating apps that fuel it in modern society, he argued.
He also said that an increase in demisexuality could be linked to an increase in the use of revenge porn in recent decades.
There is growing interest in demisexuality both in Britain and around the world.
Google data shows that searches for the term have skyrocketed since 2010, a trend that is reflected globally.
Forums for demisexuals, also called ‘demis’, have also flourished.
One, on the website Reddit, has grown from 12,000 members in 2019 to nearly 100,000 this year.
Tulisa has declared herself demisexual, a type of sexuality that means she only feels sexual attraction to someone with whom she has an emotional connection.
Demisexuality is considered a form of asexuality, itself a type of sexuality defined as a lack of sexual attraction to others, or at least not in the typical way that most people have.
Like many modern interpretations of sexuality, it is considered to be on a spectrum and fluid, meaning that people can go through periods of demisexuality or simply be that way their entire lives.
It is unknown how many Britons are demisexual and it is believed that the term was not coined until 2006.
There are some estimates of the prevalence of asexuality: studies put the figure at between 1 and 2 per cent of Britons, approximately one million people, of whom a proportion are thought to be demis.
However, the 2021 census in England and Wales found that only 0.06 percent of the population reported being asexual.
Demisexuality joins a growing number of alternative sexualities that people, mostly from younger generations, are embracing.
One of them is “abrosexual,” meaning that a person is attracted to different genders at different times.
For example, an abrosexual person may be attracted to men for a period of time (sometimes up to several years) before switching to women and then returning.
Others include “ecosexuality,” the state of finding nature sexually attractive, whether that means feeling one with the “energy” of nature or physically caressing it.
There are dozens of other dark sexualities, including autochorisexuals, who are only aroused by erotic fantasies or thoughts but do not desire sex with real people.
Or, unlike demis, fraysexuals are those who are only, or more, attracted to strangers and less attracted to people they know well or with whom they form emotional connections.