A man has tragically revealed how he still blames himself for his friend’s death following his suicide almost 30 years ago.
The Reddit user posted on the platform on Thursday with the caption: “I found my friend after he took his own life with a shotgun, I still blame myself.”
He wrote: “This happened in January of ’96, when I was 18, he was the same age.”
The couple had grown up in a town with a population of 2,500 and graduated from high school in 1995 with a class of fewer than 60 children.
The original poster (OP) said that he and his late friend spent a lot of time together from kindergarten to graduation, and he knew that his friend was having “issues” with his girlfriend.
A Reddit user expressed the guilt he still feels over his friend’s death nearly 30 years ago. Pictured: File image that is not of the teenagers involved.
The original poster (OP) found his friend dead as a result of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in January 1996 when they were teenagers. Pictured: File image that is not of the teenagers involved.
The couple frequently went out together after school and the OP even recalled using his late friend’s satellite dish to watch porn.
He then went on to describe the last time he saw his friend alive.
He said: “I knew he and his girl had some problems, typical teenage nonsense, as far as I knew, nothing major.”
He explained that while the two were watching their girlfriends play basketball, his friend left just before or after the game ended.
The OP revealed that his friend asked him to go with him, but he refused so he could spend time with his girlfriend.
“Me, being the horny teenager that I was, wanted to wait for my girlfriend in the hopes that I could get lucky before she had to be home (spoiler, I didn’t),” he wrote.
Once he dropped his girlfriend off at her house, the OP decided to check on his friend and see if he was doing better.
“When I arrived there was no one home, but the lights were on and his car was in the driveway,” she wrote.
“So I went to the bottom of the stairs and yelled at him, I got no response, but I heard Van Halen playing, so I assumed he just didn’t hear me and I went up the stairs.”
Once he entered his friend’s room, he found him face down on his bed with his blue jeans rolled up.
According to the OP, his friend died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound and he used his toe to pull the trigger.
“Shotgun nearby and blood everywhere, I was stupid enough to get close enough to see things no one of any age should see,” he wrote.
The OP ran downstairs to call the police, but found that his friend had picked up the phone before committing suicide.
Not knowing what else to do, the Reddit user said he went to see his girlfriend.
The couple frequently hung out together after school and had been friends for years. The two dated more as soon as they began their romantic relationships. Pictured: File image that is not of the teenagers involved.
“I drove to my girlfriend’s house and my mind was struggling with what I had seen, rejecting it as if it weren’t reality,” he wrote.
“She and her family finally convinced me to call the police, which I did, and luckily they arrived before his parents arrived to find him, which is the only saving grace in this whole thing.”
But he added: “If I had gone to him after the game, he might still be alive.”
As time went on, the OP said his girlfriend’s relationship began to deteriorate due in part to his friend’s death.
“My then-girlfriend and I lasted a little longer after that, but I think the event caused me to put undue pressure on her,” he wrote.
“She was my safe space and to be honest, I think I became a little obsessed with her and that ended up pushing her away shortly after.”
In the years since his friend died, the OP said he’s managed to find some happiness.
He drove to his girlfriend’s house almost immediately after finding his friend and their relationship began to decline after the suicide.
He revealed that he is now married and has a 16-year-old son who is “autistic and amazing.”
“We live the American middle-class life that she teaches. I have a technology consulting business and we get by,” he said.
“So no, guilt hasn’t ruined my life, but it has shaped who I am today, probably in ways I can’t express.”
He stated in a comment that he does not believe he has spoken to his friend’s then-girlfriend since her death.
The OP has seen his late friend’s parents several times, and while they’re always nice to him, the Reddit user admitted that he “can’t stand to see them.”
Reddit users who saw the post asked many questions about the situation, and others comforted the OP in the comments section.
Reddit users have been asking the OP several questions about their friend’s suicide and have also offered their support to the post’s creator.
“I know you say you feel like it’s your fault and I know this is going to sound like a broken record, but it’s not your fault at all,” one Reddit user commented.
“You not going with him that night wasn’t the reason he did that.”
Another user offered his condolences to the OP and recounted memories of what it was like when his oldest friend committed suicide.