Some table manners are sacrosanct and you ignore them at your own social risk. As a restaurant critic and food writer for 30 years (and a father), I think they say a lot about a person.
Those who can’t finish a meal without displaying some basic social skills and acting politely and appropriately at the table probably won’t endear them to anyone.
But a new study has revealed that most table manners today are considered irrelevant, especially among Generation Z, but also among other generations.
Sudi Pigott is a food and restaurant journalist, but she has some unconventional opinions when it comes to table manners.
I really enjoy my food and I don’t mind admitting that some of my eating habits have definitely raised eyebrows. My partner has been stunned by how viscerally I get into it and end up with not only sticky fingers but also a messy chin, not to mention gourmet leftovers all over my half of the table.
So much so that he has coined a new phrase and affectionately calls me a ‘mesytarian’.
However, while I consider some table manners to be mere stuffy etiquette that can be happily ignored, there are others that I think should be embraced wholeheartedly.
Read on for my ultimate guide to modern manners.
Use a napkin like a small child does
Think about all the times you have spilled food on yourself. Where did she land? In your neckline!
So what good is a napkin placed primly on your lap?
That’s precisely why I tuck mine inside my blouse, especially when I’m wearing something new.
It may not be the height of good manners, but it sure looks better than a chorizo ​​and tomato sauce dripping down my silk shirt.
Eat with your hands, even in restaurants
It is considerate to respect the boundaries of other diners by not using your fingers on shared plates.
However, when I really enjoy a sauce, I like to use my pinky finger to discreetly wipe away any remaining drips.
It’s considerate to respect the boundaries of other diners by not handling shared plates… but Mrs. Pigott admits to cleaning up a sauce with her little fingers.
I consider the biggest compliment to the chef to be that I simply can’t get enough of it, although this has surprised others.
I use my fingers much more than is strictly necessary and perhaps acceptable.
I would even buy a particularly succulent chicken leg at a fine diner, much to my partner’s horror, and encourage others to eat it with equal joy.
ignore rituals that are covered
The most ridiculous table etiquette is the directive to pass food only to the right. Who wants cream sent on a pilgrimage around the table?
My somewhat staid ex-mother-in-law was absolutely strict about this, especially the cheese board.
We would bother it by cutting it and changing its direction, choosing as we did so and making sure it had been looted by the time we got to it.
My mother-in-law was right about one thing, which brings me to manners that I think do count.
While I believe that all of the practices mentioned above are acceptable (and can be adopted even in the most exclusive social settings), if you are guilty of the following, then you will reveal that you are rude and uncultured, as well as lacking basic manners and at risk of not never be invited again.
Know your cheese
I am mortified by the memory of being shamed at my first lunch with my former in-laws, for cutting off the nose of brie cheese.
It was considered the most powerful faux pas because I had just eaten the entire deliciously gooey center. The thought still makes me blush.
Don’t use your cutlery as weapons
You should never shake cutlery when you speak. Historically, this was considered aggressive and suggested that you wanted to pick a fight. Maybe you do, but it’s still the height of bad manners.
Remain seated
Getting up from the table in the middle of a meal irritates other diners.
If you suddenly see an old friend across the restaurant dining room, you might make excuses between courses if you should say hello.
If you go out to dinner with children, tell them that it is not acceptable to fidget and kick the table, and also to go to the bathroom more often than seems genuine. For the other diners present it is rudely relaxing.
Never double dip
If you’re dining on small “come out when ready” plates, it’s much more courteous to take your portion and put it on a plate rather than double-dip and re-dip for a few seconds.
It opens up the possibility of cutlery that has gone into your mouth returning to the shared food plate and that is an almighty no-no.
No wonder some people are put off by sharing dishes this way.
Those who can’t finish a meal without displaying some basic social skills and acting politely and appropriately at the table probably won’t endear them to anyone.
Time is everything
Eating as soon as your plate arrives is questionable, unless other diners urge you to start before it gets cold.
I also hate it when a waiter starts clearing plates before everyone has finished, forcing everyone else to rush.
Cleaning dishes prematurely is also a red flag when you’re hosting at home.
You couldn’t send a more obvious signal that you want them gone.
And stacking the dishwasher while people are still at the table is rude, unless you’re really good friends and you’ve made excuses to get an early start the next morning.
Put your friends before phones
Never let technology be more important than your dinner companions.
Looking at your phone while eating dinner (phone snub or ‘phubbing’) indicates that you don’t value the company.
There are exceptions, such as when you have to answer a work call. However, if you only have your phone to check the occasional incoming message, it’s best to put it away.
It surprises me how many of my friends think it’s acceptable to have their phones on hand. Even my dad, who is almost 92 years old.
I often make fun of him and scold him, but all in vain.
I’m not in the Middle Ages, so I’m not opposed to taking some photographs of plates of food, which I do regularly for my social media.
But eat it, don’t post it (until later).