A chorus of cooing oohs and ahhs emerged from a gaping crowd outside Cipriani Wall Street in lower Manhattan on Monday as former Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson strutted the red carpet.
Anderson, famous for her bouncing breasts and sex tapes, has been promoting her new movie. The last showgirl. It’s about an elderly dancer from Las Vegas, who blushes with a mop and now faces the end of her career.
It’s already earning this Double D actor some Oscar attention. But it also cuts close to the bone.
Because much of the fawning adoration Anderson is receiving is not for his acting (say what you will about his exuberant amateur film performance) but for his fresh looks.
When Pammy goes out these days, she’s usually not wearing any makeup (obviously): no foundation, no lipstick, no blush.
The bottle blonde warrior told People magazine this week that, to her, “beauty” really means “being brave and living your dreams.” It’s never too late.’
Brave? I’m sorry, Pame. You are not saving the Amazon.
Let’s apply some cleaner, okay?
A chorus of cooing oohs and ahhs emerged from a gaping crowd outside Cipriani Wall Street in lower Manhattan on Monday as former Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson strutted the red carpet.
Anderson, famous for her bouncing breasts and sex tapes, has been promoting her new movie The Last Showgirl. It’s about an elderly dancer from Las Vegas, who blushes with a mop and now faces the end of her career.
This “natural beauty revolution” is as organic as 34DDs. (Pam downsized to her original 34C in the late ’90s, but she still looks suspiciously perky for a 57-year-old woman with two kids.)
Her no-makeup stance isn’t all that groundbreaking either: Alicia Keys stopped wearing face paint in 2016. Where are her hosannas?
It’s also much easier to love your bare skin when you have all the time and money to perfect your canvas.
Pam’s forehead is as taut as a drum and there’s not a hint of that dreaded crepey neck skin that Nora Ephron once wrote so eloquently about in her book, ‘I Feel Bad About My Neck.’
His pencil-thin eyebrows look almost tattooed, his cheekbones are perfect, and his jaw is mysteriously firm.
“I’m not trying to be the prettiest girl in the room,” she complained in October. It may not be the most beautiful, but it is the one that attracts the most attention.
And I have an idea of what’s really going on here.
Anderson, like almost every other fading Hollywood hottie, from the perpetually swollen-faced Nicole Kidman to the scandal-scarred Cindy Crawford, has a skincare line to flog.
Pammy’s ‘conscious, minimalist’ brand motto, ‘Sonsie,’ comes straight from Meghan Markle’s Montecito verbiage manual: ‘Be Sonsie, Be You!’
Conscious and mindless.
This “natural beauty revolution” is as organic as 34DDs. Pam downsized to her original 34C in the late ’90s, but she still looks suspiciously perky for a 57-year-old woman with two kids (she’s pictured here in 2006).
It’s also much easier to love your bare skin when you have all the time and money to perfect your canvas.
Their social media is full of this new-age Los Angeles marketing babble: all-natural, emerging, vegan, cruelty-free.
“The goal is to realize our own purpose on earth… It goes beyond healthy skin,” Pam tweeted.
Translation: Spend your hard-earned checks on my crap and trash and you’ll soon look like the kind of girl Tommy Lee would whip out his home video camera too.
To be fair, Anderson isn’t the only ravenous capitalist in the beauty industrial complex talking nonsense about “body positivity.”
Remember when almost every women’s sportswear brand claimed that fat was the new tight black dress and sent chubby models to stomp their runways?
Well guess what? Fat is not fabulous.
That’s why all the biggest celebrities now secretly inject themselves with enough Ozempic to inoculate a rhino.
And the same applies to Anderson’s blatant “bravery”: it’s based on a bunch of lies.
The worst thing is that she and all the other shameless accomplices of the elixir turn the rest of us into ordinary women, who work 60 hours a week and put on a little mascara and lipstick so as not to look like an extra from ‘The Walking Dead’. , feel inferior.
There is nothing wrong with looking glamorous when going out. And maybe if everyone had access to the best plastic surgeons and dermatologists in the world, they too could feel free to sport a fresh face.
Anderson is not a bold and simple Joan of Arc. And falsification is not empowerment. It’s false feminism. So, put on some lipstick and save me the nonsense, Pam.