A woman has divided opinion online after branding her husband “selfish” for refusing to consider a vasectomy.
The mother of one, who suffered a traumatic birth and four miscarriages, as well as several health problems, said taking the contraceptive pill would “disrupt” her hormones.
She took to Mumsnet to voice her concerns, saying she was “shocked” by how “selfish” she was being – but not everyone on the British parenting platform agreed.
She asked other users if she was being unreasonable. In a survey on the platform – with 83 percent of the nearly 3,000 votes backing her.
But others stressed that it is her husband’s choice what he decides to do, since it is “his body.”
A mother who had suffered a traumatic birth and four miscarriages was left “shocked” when her husband refused to consider having a vasectomy (file photo)
The worried mother had asked her husband to have a vasectomy so that she could enjoy her sex life with the peace of mind that she “would not get pregnant and would not have a miscarriage or another baby.”
She also explained that she has undergone “all the procedures, tests, examinations, surgeries, scans and hormones” and that now she just wants “to be left alone.”
The woman added that while she and her husband “don’t have sex often,” it is “lovely” when they do.
However, while her request might seem reasonable to some, especially in light of her history, the woman’s husband did not react the way she expected.
She explained: “Before I could even put my point of view to him, he flatly refused and said, ‘I wouldn’t put myself through that. ’ I am completely shocked by how selfish he is. It has really upset me.”
She asked other Mumsnet users if she was being unreasonable or if she should “calm down and try to see this from their point of view”. Her post, which received almost 900 replies, certainly caused a stir on the forum.
She posted on British parenting platform Mumsnet, explaining that she found her husband’s behaviour “selfish”.
While some believed her response was justified, others argued that her husband had every right to react as he did.
One Mumsnet user posted: ‘I hope it was a knee-jerk reaction and she soon realises how selfish she is by doing that.’
A second man was equally outraged, writing: “Some men are really selfish. No wonder you’re so shocked.”
A third, who apparently found herself in a similar situation, added: “I think any man who is in a committed relationship with a woman who has decided not to have any more children and doesn’t get a vasectomy is a complete idiot, my husband included!”
A fourth man tried to offer some hope: “My husband had one and it was nothing at all. I hope he gets better; it’s very valid to be sad.”
Another woman was simply shocked that the woman’s husband refused to get a vasectomy when she had been through so much. “It’s unbelievable,” she wrote.
Others were not sympathetic to the woman’s cause and told her that it was her body and that she therefore had the right to refuse the procedure.
The woman’s post garnered nearly 900 responses, with some people suggesting she had every right to be angry with her husband and others arguing that he is the only one who should make decisions about her body.
One person wrote: “I wouldn’t get sterilized myself, so I can’t imagine insisting that someone who doesn’t want to do it do it. It’s their body and I think they can say ‘no.'”
Another person was more understanding, but ultimately came to the same conclusion.
They posted: ‘I’m sorry to hear how hard you’ve been through, I can understand what you’re going through, but the decision to have surgery or not should be a personal decision, and there are many other methods of birth control.’
Others offered advice, hoping to help the couple find a solution that would work for both of them.
One of them posted: ‘I mean it’s his body and he can say no but he should be respectful about it. I hate hormonal birth control too but my husband is willing to use condoms. Is that an alternative you can be okay with?’
If you have been affected by this story, you can seek advice at www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk or www.tommys.org or by calling 01924 200 799.
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