Home Australia My husband was never one of the ‘creepy’ dads we all look out for, yet he did something unforgivable to our daughter. It took just one question to expose his shocking secret

My husband was never one of the ‘creepy’ dads we all look out for, yet he did something unforgivable to our daughter. It took just one question to expose his shocking secret

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Jackie DeCocq thought she had the perfect life with her husband Jason, but he turned out to be a child molester who abused their daughter.

I was married to my ex-husband for 12 years and I thought we had the perfect Mormon family with four kids and a dog.

Jason seemed like a great father and husband: he helped with the housework, picked up the kids from school, read them bedtime stories, and taught classes in the community.

We met when I was 22 years old, we got married after a year of dating and eight months after the wedding I discovered that I was pregnant. Then we moved to Utah, lived in a nice neighborhood and had the life I had always dreamed of.

I knew he wasn’t perfect; I discovered early in our marriage that I had a porn addiction and we tried to overcome it, but I never imagined he would become a monster who would abuse our daughter Lauren.

And neither does anyone else. He never acted creepy in front of our daughter or her friends, and no one in our lives saw it coming.

But mothers always know when something is wrong, and when Lauren was nine I noticed subtle changes in her behavior.

She seemed to laugh less, became more shy and fearful, her self-esteem was plummeting, and she was constantly dealing with urinary tract infections.

Then one Sunday we were sitting in church and Jason was frustrated about something. Lauren came and sat next to me and asked, ‘Is Dad mad at me?’

Jackie DeCocq thought she had the perfect life with her husband Jason, but he turned out to be a child molester who abused their daughter.

‘Why would I be angry with you?’ I responded. She didn’t respond, but I found it strange that she immediately blamed herself for her father’s bad mood.

When she became quieter and grumpier and stopped eating, I started to worry, but the thought that it might be Jason hadn’t entered my mind yet.

I asked her if anyone was hurting her, acting inappropriately toward her, or making her feel uncomfortable, but she simply scrunched up her face at the questions and shook her head.

I now understand that she didn’t realize she was being abused, she didn’t know what the word meant, or even what it was.

Despite her denials, my maternal instinct told me to look deeper and after doing some research I decided to approach the topic in a different way.

‘Do you have a secret?’ I asked Lauren.

She said “no” again, but then added, “He didn’t say I can’t tell you, just that I didn’t have to.”

A jolt of fear and horror ran through my body, but I tried to hide my growing panic and asked him who he was talking about.

Jackie DeCocq noticed a change in her daughter Lauren when she was nine years old (pictured together in September 2015).

Lauren had UTI symptoms and became

Jackie DeCocq noticed a change in her daughter Lauren when she was nine years old. Lauren had UTI symptoms and became “a lot quieter and grumpier” (pictured together)

She told me that her father had made her uncomfortable, but she didn’t go into details, and although my mind was racing, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions.

I asked her if she was dressed and she looked at me with genuine surprise and said, “Yes, of course I am.”

The last thing I wanted to do was put an idea in her head, so I asked her, ‘Do you feel insecure with Dad?’ She said no.

‘Is there anything you need me to do?’ I continued. She said no again and I started to doubt myself and thought maybe I had the wrong idea or I was pushing too hard.

When I talked to Jason about it, he said that maybe Lauren felt embarrassed after he asked her about her UTI symptoms and where the pain was, and I started to think there had simply been a misunderstanding.

Around the same time, his porn addiction was taking its toll on our marriage, we were sleeping in separate rooms and he went to talk to our bishop about our problems.

But when he got home, he vaguely alluded to Lauren’s abuse, as if it was something we’d talked about before, and seemed excited to get it off his chest.

I was stunned, but maybe I was in denial and still wanted to believe it wasn’t true, so, without telling Jason, I went to the bishop to ask him what they had talked about.

Jackie's husband at the time was a child molester who inappropriately touched their daughter Lauren.

Jackie’s husband at the time was a child molester who inappropriately touched their daughter Lauren.

But when I started to explain, he stopped me. “I need you to know that I am a mandated reporter and that if there is any abuse in your house, I have to report it,” he said.

Then he asked me, ‘Jackie, is there abuse in your house?’ And I said, ‘I don’t know, maybe.’

She told me that Jason hadn’t told her anything about the abuse during her visit, which set off alarm bells between them, and helped me start the process of contacting child services.

However, I knew I had to talk to Lauren about it first, so a couple days later, when we were in the car on the way to her art class, I brought it up.

‘Hey, Lauren, you were telling me about something Dad did and I didn’t know the right questions to ask you at the time, and maybe I should let you talk. So I’m going to ask you again to tell me what happened. And I’m not going to interrupt or say anything now, I just want you to talk to me,’ I told him.

His response dispelled all doubts.

She told me that he had touched her inappropriately. One time it happened when she was sitting on his lap watching videos on the computer in our home office.

Then she left the room and sat alone on the couch, and he came up to her and said, ‘Your mother and I have talked to you before about never letting anyone touch you like that.

‘I was testing you to see if you would stop me and you didn’t, and you should have. You should never let anyone do that to you, not even your family, not even me.

Now Lauren is 19 years old and will go to college next August. She is considering studying environmental science.

Now Lauren is 19 years old and will go to college next August. She is considering studying environmental science.

She said she didn’t tell me because she thought I had failed an exam and was deeply embarrassed.

Then I was flooded with memories about other things my daughter had said to me in the past that were probably due to abuse.

When I was younger, I was putting her to bed one night and she was really upset about something.

She said, ‘Mom, Dad told me there was a flashlight in his pocket, but there wasn’t one. I know it wasn’t like that. And I said, ‘Okay, what?’

She kept saying that he tried to get her to look for the flashlight, but she knew there wasn’t one there and she was really upset about it. I didn’t understand it at the time, but now I know why I was so angry.

Even though I was very young, I knew that was not right.

As we sat together in the car, I made it clear to him that he wouldn’t have to face it again and that he had nothing to worry about. I assured him that he had done nothing wrong.

Then, after she walked into her art class, I had a panic attack in the front seat.

After Jackie spoke with her bishop, she contacted the department of children and family services.

After Jackie spoke with her bishop, she contacted the department of children and family services.

On December 15, 2016, Jason was arrested. He was charged with two counts of aggravated sexual abuse and served three years in prison. Now he has no parental rights.

On December 15, 2016, Jason was arrested. He was charged with two counts of aggravated sexual abuse and served three years in prison. Now he has no parental rights.

Once I recovered, I texted Jason, telling him I knew what he had done and that he couldn’t be home when we got back.

I let him know when we were on the way so he could leave and asked him not to scare our three children.

Two days later, Lauren and I went to an interview with child services and the police made an appointment to come pick up their computers.

That afternoon of December 15, 2016, he was arrested. He was charged with two counts of aggravated sexual abuse and served three years in prison. Now he has no parental rights and cannot see his children.

Now Lauren is 19 years old and in August she will go to university to study environmental science. She has worked hard to put the pieces of herself back together as best she could and has grown into an incredible person.

After everything I’ve been through, I now know that the average person’s understanding of child molesters is based on inaccurate stereotypes and clichés, just like mine.

My ignorance on the subject meant I was looking for signs my husband wasn’t showing and didn’t understand that abuse can happen for more than one reason.

None of the reasons are justified, of course, but it is important to know that there are different levels and types of abusers.

My final message is this: If your child is a victim, your support will make or break their ability to heal. Trauma like this will lead to such a broken life unless they have support. And I am proud to have been the mother Lauren had when she needed me most.

  • As told to Carina Stathis

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