A UK woman has revealed she was left hurt and stopped talking to her husband after he failed to defend her after his brother-in-law physically compared her unfavorably to his wife, with some people accusing her of being too sensitive.
The English mother of three took to British parenting website Mumsnet, where she revealed that her husband is from Pakistan and generally gets along well with their family.
However, she added, her brother-in-law recently got married in his home country and finds his new wife “a little strange” since she “makes a lot of effort with my husband’s sister, not with me” – and received a mix of response to your post.
During a recent family party, she admitted in her Mumsnet post that her husband had offended her, in a post titled: ‘Am I overreacting? I don’t talk to my husband.
In it, she wrote: ‘So my husband and I have been married for 10 years and have 3 children.
A woman (not pictured) has revealed how hurt she was after her brother-in-law unfavorably compared her body size to his wife – and her husband failed to defend her (file image)
While responses to the post were mixed, many respondents were sympathetic to the woman’s response to the situations.
‘My husband is Pakistani and I am English. I get along well with my husband’s family, my brother-in-law got married in Pakistan in April and his new wife is a bit strange. He makes a lot of effort with my husband’s sister, not with me.
“I just have a very different relationship with my sister-in-law, either because it’s been 10 years and she’s done a lot for me, or because my sister-in-law never lived or traveled outside of Pakistan before I did.” Don’t know.
‘I have been receiving comments from her for the last 6 months that are weird and make me feel uncomfortable and disrespected because I have been in the family for so long and have always had a good relationship with them, her brother I never have. I really had a problem with him, other than he’s pretty lazy with his wife and lets her say whatever she wants, even if it’s wrong.
“So today we were having a family gathering at my husband’s cousin’s house, and we were all there, me, my husband and our kids, my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law and his kids, my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law and his cousin, her husband and her children.
She added that her husband’s cousin told the new sister-in-law that she liked her outfit and, in response, the poster’s mother-in-law said that the poster was wearing the same dress.
Her brother-in-law responded that ‘they are the same dresses but different sizes.’
The post continued: ‘My husband’s sister looked at me and must have known I would have been mad like that, my new sister-in-law is very skinny and I just had a baby (my third child) a year ago last October. .
‘A room full of people and no one, not even my husband, said anything, no one told him that this comment was unnecessary.
A Mumsnet woman revealed the details of the situation and why she found it so painful in a detailed forum post.
‘I have suffered from an eating disorder in the past that the whole family knows about and my brother-in-law decided to make this comment and even my husband remained silent. I am a fairly shy person.
When we got in the car I started arguing with my husband for staying quiet and not saying anything and I got angry and started crying because I had been trying for 10 years to prove myself just to earn a little respect just from them. that he and his wife were constantly saying things like this in front of a room full of people.
‘Am I reacting too much? I’m not ignoring my husband because I’m absolutely sick of this and the comments that not only his new wife but him are now making to me. (Am I being unreasonable? How would you handle it?)
She then added a note to the post that read: “Just to add, I’m not necessarily big. I’m a size 12/14 and just had a baby 12 months ago, but I’m obviously not 6/8 like your wife.”
The post received a number of mixed responses, with some calling her behavior unreasonable and other commenters more sympathetic, empathizing with how painful the situation must have been.
Some commentators were not particularly sympathetic to the poster’s plight, with some saying it was “overreacting.”
Among the less positive forum users, one said: ‘He just commented that the dresses were the same but different sizes. It’s a fact. How is this unpleasant? I’m sorry, but I think you’re being too sensitive.
Another pointed out that being different sizes isn’t important and that there’s nothing inherently superior about being smaller, writing, “I think you’re overreacting.” For someone to have made a fuss at that time about this would have embarrassed me more. Saying that dresses are different sizes is a fact and shouldn’t bother you. Giving so much importance to this comment makes it uncomfortable for everyone. It’s not a comment most people would make, but I think it’s more a bit clumsy than offensive.
‘People are different sizes. Unfortunately, your problem with this is your problem. Obviously, your husband should support you, but there’s no reason he can’t do it discreetly, like checking on you and talking about it later.
‘Draging his family over coals for saying something obvious would be disproportionate.
‘Continue to get help for your erectile dysfunction/dysmorphia. There’s no problem with your size and you’re not shorter than the other person in a size 8 dress.’
One of the most critical responses came from a forum user who wrote: “I think describing a man as ‘lazy around his wife and lets her say anything’ is unacceptable.” It seems that you are sensitive to your own feelings but not very kind to others, especially women.
Another poster asked: “Would it have been any better if your husband had argued with everyone?”
Another simply said: “The silent treatment is always ridiculous and childish.”
However, many were more sympathetic about how the woman would have felt, especially given her history of eating disorders.
One wrote: ‘That was a nasty comment. I would have said something instead of waiting for DH to do it. The size is so sensitive that he could have easily said something as rude as your BIL.
Another added: “I think it was a vile and unnecessary comment personally and I would be upset if no one stood up for me.”
Meanwhile, a third wrote: “They were deliberately unpleasant – refuse to socialize with them.”
And a fourth chimed in to discuss the context of the situation, regarding the poster’s history with eating disorders.
They wrote: ‘Why are people here being so fucking stupid about anorexia?
However, a large number of respondents were
‘It’s hugely offensive that this person would seek out “another” OP in this way, which, given they know she has suffered from this serious, life-threatening illness, was obviously a deliberate insult. It’s disgusting that everyone just sat there like ignorant lemons, not saying anything.’
Another commenter added some nuance, agreeing that the comment was cruel, but questioning the correct course of action, writing: “That comment was disgusting and unnecessary.” Years ago my aunt made a comment about my weight and the whole family (except my mom) laughed.
‘It was a long time ago but it still hurts so I understand how you feel.
But I’m not sure ignoring your husband is going to do much good. He should have defended you, but he possibly felt trapped between you and his family. If he had said something, the situation could have gotten worse.
And a fifth simply added: “It’s definitely rude.” I’m sorry for what happened, why would I say that if it’s not to trick you in some way? Possibly your husband didn’t know what to say without making things worse, it’s hard to know. But it was definitely rude.