One woman, whose boyfriend is in a wheelchair, said she was often mistaken for his carer.
Helen Hickling and her partner, Dave Eastham, both 29, from Manchester, met on Tinder in April 2018. Since then, Helen has been constantly mistaken for her carer by airport staff and in restaurants .
Dave uses a wheelchair following an accident in Thailand that left him paralyzed in June 2015. People are often surprised to learn that their relationship began after Dave’s paralysis.
However, the couple hope to end the stigma of inter-disabled relationships which sees them receiving “backhanded comments”.
Account manager Helen said: “Sometimes people working can be mistaken or assume I’m a carer. At the airport, the staff will ask me what assistance Dave needs rather than speaking to him directly.
Helen Hickling, from Manchester, said she was often mistaken for her partner’s carer Dave Eastham.
“It often happens that people talk to me instead of Dave. Even in restaurants they will ask me if he wants the chair moved out of the way or if he will want to sit on it rather than asking him directly.
“It doesn’t bother me as much now, because I know it’s not intentional, and I go out of my way to not answer for him and either ask him again or ask him to check with him.
She added: “People seem to assume we were together before he broke his back, and when they learn we met once he was already in a wheelchair, they tend to say ‘oh wow” – like we didn’t expect to meet and date.” someone in a wheelchair.
“It used to bother me – I was annoyed because it’s rude, and it’s people judging a situation and assuming I’m his caregiver or that he can’t speak for himself.
“It’s insulting to both of us. It’s an insult to Dave not to treat him like any other 29 year old man.
“And that’s insulting to me, assuming we’re not together or that I have to speak on his behalf.”
met on Tinder in April 2018, since then Helen has been constantly seen as his caregiver by airport staff and in restaurants
Dave uses a wheelchair following an accident in Thailand which left him paralyzed in June 2015.
Dave pictured on a moped before the accident which left him paralyzed in Thailand in June 2015
Dave was photographed in Thailand before the accident which left him paralyzed
However, Dave said he was used to people’s unintentionally rude comments and had learned to ignore them.
He added: “Over the years I have developed a certain tolerance, but it can be frustrating and degrading because people only see the wheelchair and not the person in it.
“But because of the type of person I am, I just try to see the funnier side of things and not let it get me down.”
Dave broke his back in a road accident in Thailand in June 2015, when he was hit by a car while on holiday with friends.
Although they now use a wheelchair, the couple say it doesn’t differentiate their relationship from other relationships.
Helen said: “We both work full time, we both contribute to the relationship. Dave being a wheelchair user means there are some things he can’t do around the house, like helping change the bedding or changing a light bulb, but I’m happy to do it.
“He can cook, drive and do just about anything an able-bodied man can – he just does it sitting down!” Our relationship is not much different from any other relationship.
Now the couple are looking to the future and expanding their family, but will have to consider IVF due to Dave’s accident.
Helen said: “When we got more serious and had been together for a while, the conversation about family and babies came up, which is something we both want.
“Due to Dave’s accident which left him paralyzed, we had to go the IVF route to have a baby, which I knew would have to happen because Dave had mentioned it in passing after both first dates.
The couple stays active together and wants to show others what Dave can do. Photographed while traveling to Italy for a charity bike ride
Although they now use a wheelchair, the couple say it doesn’t differentiate their relationship from other relationships.
The couple share information about their relationship on TikTok @daveandhelen – including how Dave can do things like drive, ride a bike and ski.
On their TikTok page, the couple encourages others not to let disability affect love
Dave often shows what his daily life is like in a wheelchair on his TikTok page.
Now the couple are looking to the future and expanding their family, but they will have to consider IVF due to Dave’s accident.
IVF was something Helen knew would have to happen if they wanted to have children, as Dave had mentioned in passing after the first two dates.
“Unfortunately, we were not successful after three tries, but we plan to try again in the future.”
The couple shares information about their relationship on TikTok @daveandhelen – including how Dave can do things like drive, bike and ski – and encourage other people not to let disabilities affect love.
Helen said: “Don’t think about it too much and just go for it. If you love someone for who they are, their personality and their values, then don’t let their disability get in the way.
“Most people with disabilities manage and do more than manage their disability independently so that it does not affect the partner or the relationship.
“Plus, to be really honest, there are also some advantages: we get great blue badge parking spaces and can sometimes avoid the queues.”
