A former Marks and Spencer boss has revealed the heartbreaking series of activities his family undertook before his wife’s death that made the end of her life “beautiful”.
Robert Swannell CBE, who was chairman of M&S from 2011 to 2017, lost his wife Patricia to advanced breast cancer last year, aged 71.
The family learned that the disease she had overcome more than a decade ago had returned in 2021. It had spread to her bones, liver and abdomen, and was terminal.
Now, on the anniversary of her death, Mr Swannell has revealed that his wife’s unusually practical approach to his mortality helped the family cope.
Facing that grim eventuality head on meant that Swannell, an artist and former investment banker, was able to arrange important activities, such as recording the last conversations between her children.
Patricia and her grieving husband Robert, former chairman of M&S, reveal their life-changing legacy (pictured together)
Patricia designed and built the maze at Wakehurst Place, Sussex
The couple’s daughter Alicia, 38, had a long list of questions to ask her mother about her life, including whether she had ever broken the law and what she is most proud of.
‘SHe and his brother recorded many of these conversations on their phones as they spoke,’ Swannell told The Telegraph.
“It allowed us to talk endlessly about our lives, our hopes and dreams for the children.”
The family’s preparation meant that there was no “unfinished business” with them.‘Every little resentment or difficult moment in his life was explored and forgiven.’
It also meant She had the opportunity to witness the wedding of her eldest son, Will, 40.
“It was very important for Patricia to see her son married,” Swannell said. “At the wedding, the choir sang the old song Button up your Overcoat, which Patricia used to sing to Will when he was very little, and everyone burst into tears.”
Patricia Swannell accepted very early on that she was “going to be terminally ill” and “immediately went into death planning mode.”
“This approach doesn’t suit everyone, but for her, it was a good idea to acknowledge the death, not to rage about it, but to accept it,” Swannell said.
“There was no self-pity, but there was a sense of injustice at the way women who had survived primary breast cancer were treated by the healthcare system. She led all the difficult conversations with the family, and her sense of injustice shaped what she wanted to do with her remaining months.”
He describes death as “truly beautiful.”
‘She was at absolute peace, at home, surrounded by love, with me and our children, and their partners, holding her hand.
With the help of her husband of 42 years, she raised more than £1 million for her breast cancer charity.
Patricia dedicated the rest of her life to ensuring that every woman at every stage of cancer has information
‘When she died, we promised her that we would take care of each other as she had taken care of us. If we parted, it would be a truly beautiful death. I can’t describe what a blessing it was in the midst of our grief and it still is, a year later.’
Although planning helped them in the final years of Patricia’s life, Swannell said there were times when the family struggled.
“I remember the oncologist coming in. He looked at her and said, ‘I have to tell you that you’re very likely to be done with treatment next week. You’re very likely to go to hospice from there. And the end will be quick,'” she said.
“We were devastated but the nurse who looked after her was absolutely brilliant and picked us up and wiped our tears away.
‘Not everything is easy. And in fact, some things are really awful. In particularly dark moments, you sometimes have thoughts you wish you hadn’t had, like “would it be better for her and for us if this ended now?”
‘These thoughts pass, but you feel guilty and it is very helpful to talk about them openly.’