A mother of four has revealed how she is dealing with the loss of her ex-partner in suicide and how she has dealt with telling her youngest daughter.
Christielee Plumridge, 36, of Mount Annan, in New South Wales, lost Junade Godden (Jay) a year ago when he suspected that he was caused by depression.
Mrs. Plumridge said that the loss of Mr. Godden struck her youngest child the hardest because she found it hard to get a hold of her father's failure to return.
& # 39; She asks me why her father had to die, why did he have to leave her, but other dads didn't leave her friends? & She said to FEMAIL.
& # 39; She still doesn't understand. & # 39;
Christielee Plumridge (center) with her four girls Tigah Rose (left), Layla-Malanna (center right), Aiva-Leilani (right) and Amarlie Briallen (center front) lost her ex-partner for suicide
Mrs. Plumridge said that Amarlie and her father were very close and that not a day went by that the couple did not see each other or spoke on the phone.
Although the couple had regular contact, the deterioration of Mr. Godden's mental health was not clear to her.
This made accepting a call to Mrs. Plumridge of his death all the more & # 39; horrible & # 39 ;.
& # 39; I was a mess, I don't really remember the police that came to my door & she said.
& # 39; The next morning I sat down my daughters and told them what had happened. The older girls seemed to deal better with the news.
& # 39; They had had the chance to deal with the grief of us falling apart and that he would not come back.
& # 39; It was harder to tell Amarlie because she was three at the time and didn't know what & # 39; death & # 39; She thought he had gone somewhere so he could come back.
& # 39; We are very careful what we say, we did not tell her that he took his own life, because that is not something a four-year-old should know exactly.
& # 39; She knows that he was very ill and that he was trying to stay with her, but he just couldn't fight anymore. & # 39;
Plumridge said her youngest daughter Amarlie (photo on the right) was most affected by the death of her father
As a way to deal with this, the family gathered in the aftermath of the battle to ensure that Mr. Godden was buried within 24 hours.
& # 39; The first few days after his death had everything to do with trying to get things in order, so I didn't have much time to sit down and handle it & # 39 ;, said Plumridge.
& # 39; It was probably a week later when it hit me and I was probably a little depressed, not knowing what to do. & # 39;
Although the couple were divorced, Mrs. Plumridge said that her daughter and her father (photo right) had been in contact every day
It was also around this time that Amarlie was struck by the reality that her father would not return.
& # 39; We took her to the funeral and we saw him being buried. It hit us all very hard, but especially myself and Amarlie.
& # 39; It had suddenly become real; it had happened and there was no turning back. & # 39;
Mr Godden & # 39; s (pictured with Amarlie) death has hit her young child hardest because she cannot get a clue that he is not coming back
Plumridge remembered that the coming months were a haze – a time when everyone's feelings shifted from denial to sadness in an instant.
& # 39; It was completely surreal. There were times when I lived in a fairy-tale world, where I thought he would come back, and I think Amarlie thought so too.
& # 39; It was such a long process to really accept it. & # 39;
The last three months have been difficult for Amarlie (photo) because she had to confront the anniversary of her father's death and his birthday
In the course of the past year, Plumridge said the family has tried to handle their grief in their own way, but it is Amarlie who is still struggling.
& # 39; Initially she seemed to accept it. She would say, "Daddy is a star" and we would go out at night and say goodnight.
& # 39; But in the last two to three months she has begun questioning it again and is really struggling to accept that he will not return.
Part of what keeps Amarlie feeling connected to her father is the ability to look at pictures that Mrs. Plumridge has on her phone
She has begun to wonder if we can have him come back or if she can die with him
& # 39; She misses him and talks about when she dies, she can be a star with him.
& # 39; She cries and asks how long it will be before we all die, so that we can be a star family with her father because she longs for our family to be back together. & # 39;
Plumridge explained that her ex-partner died a week before Christmas 2018 and that his birthday is on March 30 – anniversaries that have aroused painful feelings.
& # 39; She starts to wonder if we can let him come back or if she can die with him.
& # 39; This is a daily matter that we talk about, which is difficult, but I am trying to get through this with as much integrity and honesty as I can. & # 39;
Staying one day at a time: the family has its own way of dealing with grief and continues to seek support from counselors
The mother of the four, when her ex-partner died for the first time, said she wanted her children to feel they could get as much help as they needed.
Her oldest daughter is currently speaking with a professional, but her two other daughters tend to trust themselves.
Grief counseling is something that Mrs. Plumridge says she is currently working on the implementation in Amarlie's life.
& # 39; I hope that by talking about it and never shutting her off and really letting her express herself, she can feel exactly what she needs to feel.
The mother of the four said when her ex-partner died for the first time, she wanted her children to feel they could get as much help as they needed
& # 39; She sees me crying when she feels deeply sad, she knows that when she is sad I feel sad and then she thinks it's wrong, she asks if she upset me while she wipes away my tears and I tell her that she makes mummy the happiest mummy in the whole world.
She sees me crying when she feels deeply sad, she knows that when she is sad I get sad and then she thinks it's her fault
& # 39; I hope she eventually understands what happened and finds a way to deal with it in her own way.
& # 39; That she will not end up in a vicious circle of depression or struggle with mental health.
& # 39; I really hope that by leaving her open and talking to me and others, she will not continue that cycle. & # 39;
Keeping memories alive has also been crucial – and Amarlie will often ask for photos that Mrs. Plumridge has from her father on her phone.
& # 39; She asks me to look at his pictures that I've kept on my phone most mornings and some days she makes her happy and I watch her eyes light up and a huge smile over her face crawls and I know that day will be a good day.
& # 39; At the moment the only thing we can really do together is look at the pictures & watch the few videos I have on my phone, & # 39; said Mrs. Plumridge.
Mrs. Plumridge said that the family cannot visit Mr. Godden's grave for the time being, as this traumatizes Amarlie.
& # 39; We had to stop taking her because she became hysterical when we went there and would constantly ask to take him out. She wanted us to pick him up. & # 39;
& # 39; At the moment we only look at the pictures & # 39; s and watch the few videos I have on my phone.
& # 39; I also have a few songs that he gave to her during my pregnancy and when she was born and the whole family sings those songs, which is pretty cute and helps us remember. & # 39;
Unfortunately, the family cannot visit Mr. Godden's grave, because this is too traumatic for Amarlie
While Plumridge, who is also a blogger, can talk openly about dealing with the death of Mr. Godden and the struggle of her child, she urges anyone who is sad to seek help – not to try it alone to do.
Mrs Plumridge says that the most important thing anyone can do when they are in a similar situation is to seek help
& # 39; Losing someone to suicide is such a different grieving process than just a normal death, because there are so many questions.
& # 39; My advice if someone has lost someone is to guide them through sadness. & # 39;
Mrs. Plumridge said she was just sorry that she wasn't thinking about advising her child as a way for her to contemplate and reflect on her feelings.
& # 39; I thought she was too young to counsel. I feel like I was there and a constant for her, she needed someone else to talk about it.
& # 39; I only tell her what I know and I am not a professional. I only respond the way I know, but my feelings are not the same as hers.
& # 39; Professionals know how to talk to children and my advice is to get help right away. & # 39;
If this story has caused problems, please contact lifeline on 13 11 14
For help with depression, contact Beyond Blue1300 22 4636
If you need help with a child who is in pain, go to Feel The Magic, an organization that supports children suffering from sorrow