A grieving mother has spoken of her anguish after two of her sons took their own lives five years apart.
Leanda Kelly, 66, said her heart was “absolutely broken” following the deaths of her daughter Tanya in 2018 and her son Steve last year.
Tanya died at age 44 six years ago and Steve decided to end her life at the same age five years later, partly because he didn’t want to outlive her.
Now Leanda, from St Albans, Hertfordshire, is aiming to raise £10,000 for three charities by the end of the week after hosting events where people can get a semicolon tattoo.
The designs are seen as a symbol of hope and are common among suicide survivors.
Grieving mother Leanda Kelly, 66, has spoken of her anguish after her son Steve (seen with his mother) and daughter Tanya took their lives five years apart.
Tanya (pictured) committed suicide in 2018 at the age of 44, five years before Steve took his own life at the same age last year.
Leanda, also known as Landy, said: “Now I walk around in these ugly shoes that no one wants to wear, shoes that I will never be able to take off.”
‘I will do everything I can to help other parents not have to wear these shoes.
‘My heart was shattered and will never be repaired.
‘Getting people to talk and know that it’s okay to speak up and say you’re not okay is something I need to get across to everyone.
‘Don’t suffer in silence, reach out to someone, there are hands that will hold yours and mine is one of them. I give big hugs and they’re free.’
Tanya took her own life on December 17, 2018 after a long struggle with her mental health, including challenges with an eating disorder and bipolar disorder.
Landy said her daughter had “the most beautiful heart” but “was also sad and very broken.”
She explained: “Tanya was incredibly beautiful, and I’m not just saying that because she was my daughter.” She used to attract attention.
‘She was funny, cheeky but she was also sad and very broken.
‘She suffered from an eating disorder from a young age and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
“She was still the life and soul, but her struggles got worse as she grew older and she would never accept that anyone could love her. She thought she wasn’t worthy of it.
‘My daughter took a very long road to take her life because I kept saving her, she decided to destroy her body and I couldn’t save her.
“We saw her take her life in a very long process and it was horrible to see.”
Steve was hit incredibly hard by the loss of his sister and fell into addiction, but was four years sober at the time of her death.
Landy said: ‘I always called Stevie my naughty baby. He was cheeky and mischievous; You couldn’t scold him because she would make you laugh.
‘At 15, he got into a horrible crowd and started experimenting with substances. He worked hard to change his life.
“When Stevie told me I was going to be a grandmother, I was so happy and knew it was going to be the start of something new.”
Leanda, also known as Landy, said she thought Steve becoming a father “was going to be the start of something new” before falling into a deep depression after her sister’s death.
Steve had been sober for four years when he fell into a deep depression.
He took his own life in July 2023, leaving behind two daughters. She was 44 years old, the same age as Tanya when she died.
Landy said: ‘In his head, he couldn’t live longer than his sister.
‘With his girlfriend, I thought he had found true happiness. Last year around this time I felt like for the first time in my life I wasn’t worried about him and I wasn’t calling him every day to make sure he was still alive.
‘His girlfriend found him dead in his apartment, an image that we can never get out of our heads.
“He was still very hurt inside.”
Determined to honor her children and prevent other parents from suffering the same heartbreak, Landy contacted Pure Colors, a tattoo studio in St Albans.
They hosted a semicolon tattoo event and the proceeds will go to charity. SANE, Mind in the middle of Herts and St Albans Action for the Homeless.
Landy explained: ‘The semicolon tattoo serves to show that your story is not over and that you are in control of giving it a happy ending.
“It’s not a period or a comma, it’s a statement of how your life continues.”
On June 1, Landy got his own semicolon tattoo, which also doubles as a dragonfly, and raised almost £7,000 from 302 tattoos which continued until June 2.
Since then, more than £1,500 in additional donations have been raised, with a third event scheduled for June 29 due to popular demand with a total so far of £8,744.
Another 302 tattoos are already booked for this weekend, so Landy hopes donations will exceed £10,000.
Now Leanda, from St Albans, Hertfordshire, is aiming to raise £10,000 for charity before the end of the week after hosting events where people can get semicolon tattoos (Landy pictured), which are a symbol of hope common among suicide survivors.
He added: “It shows how loved they are. There is a lot of love, support and respect.
‘This is not about sympathy or me, this is about them and other people who are suffering because they have lost their loved ones.
‘Steve was a kind, loving and handsome boy who had a heart of gold and helped a lot of people.
“He would do anything for anyone, and this was evident when people talked about him at his funeral, I didn’t really realize how much he did for others.
‘They said the same thing about Tanya: unfortunately they didn’t follow their own advice.
‘It is very important to raise awareness and understanding about mental health. Funds are an absolute plus.
‘Talk. I always ask people twice if you’re okay. Ask them and then ask them again to find out how they really feel.
‘Learn to talk about your problems and then learn to listen to others. Just be nice.
For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116123 or visit samaritans.org
