Before his son came out as transgender, Dusty Farr said he was “a total bigot” who despised everything related to the LGBTQ+ movement.
His perspective, shaped by a life spent growing up in a rural farming community, changed when his 16-year-old daughter came out to him and subsequently clashed with her school over its policy that students use the bathroom of the sex they were assigned to. be born. .
Farr, a service manager at a tractor repair facility, never imagined fighting bathroom bans in court. But when his son was attacked, he “just flipped a switch” and it was a wake-up call.
In retrospect, she said, she missed years of seeing her trans daughter exhibit feminine qualities. But after hours of poring over the Bible and praying (he was raised a ‘fire and brimstone Baptist’), he had an overnight epiphany that took away his ‘groundless hatred.’
Farr, who was raised Baptist, grew up being taught that being LGBTQ was a sin, but his perspective changed when his daughter came out as a transgender child (Photo courtesy of KMBC News).
Farr is suing the Platte County School District over its bathroom policy that he says has harmed his daughter, named RF in the lawsuit (Photo courtesy of KMBC News)
Without having a trans daughter, Farr said he probably wouldn’t have become an ally for trans youth.
He said that growing up in a rural farming community, he was not exposed to “what I would consider the outside world.” But when he moved to Kansas City, where there was a larger and more open LGBTQ population, he said, “I would still have closed-minded thoughts.”
‘Many derogatory words. I don’t want to go back to that place.’
He added: “Given the way I was raised, a conservative fire and brimstone Baptist, LGBTQ is a sin, you’re going to hell.” And these were things, unfortunately, that I said to my daughter… I’m a little embarrassed to say that.’
When his daughter came out for the first time, the two clashed and Mr Farr suddenly had to struggle with his own faith.
She had been his camping buddy, his fishing buddy, and she would accompany him to the shooting range.
However, she began to distance herself from him when she turned 12, and that year she finally came out.
After turning to Scripture and tapping into her relationship with God, Farr said she finally realized, “She’s a girl.”
According to the White House, the Human Rights Campaign and a legislation tracker maintained by trans rights activists, there was an aggressive push for about 100 bills aimed at gender-affirming child care in 2023.
He said: ‘I received peace from God. Like, “This is how your daughter was born. I don’t make mistakes like God. So she was made this way. There is a reason for that”.
Their relationship improved and RF was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, a condition that describes the distress a person feels due to a mismatch between what they know to be their gender and the sex assigned at birth.
He was prescribed puberty blockers to prevent the masculinization of his male body.
He let his hair grow, finally left his room, and made some friends. But then she started high school in 2021 and the bathroom conflict occurred. The teachers took her aside to tell her about the bathroom policy; one even said that using the women’s bathroom was illegal.
Missouri does not have bathroom laws, unlike 10 other states that do. Policies governing who can use which bathroom are decided by individual school districts.
His daughter, RF, said: “That made me feel hopeless in my education.”
‘Because how come this place that’s supposed to teach me everything to be an adult, how are they going to teach me what I need to learn when they dictate where I pee?’
Farr is represented by the American Civil Liberties Union, which is suing the Platte County school district, outside Kansas City, over the school’s bathroom policy that says a student must use the one that best reflects sex. that they were assigned at birth. not her gender identity.
When her daughter, who goes by RF in the lawsuit to avoid further discrimination, went to the girls’ bathroom, she was suspended.
When she went to the boys’ bathroom, the boys harassed her and one of them even said, “Maybe I should rape her.”
Mr Farr said: “Everything I did to him, school was 10 times worse.”
Meanwhile, the gender-neutral bathroom was far from her classes, and with only one stall, the line was always long. RF, a first-year student, was often late to class and was scolded by her teachers.
Farr, illustrating her daughter’s point of view, told the Associated Press: ‘If I use the bathroom, they say I have to, they will harass me. If I use the gender-neutral bathroom, I will be late for my classes.
“So it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.”
In response to the lawsuit, the school alleged that she was being “disruptive” in numerous bathrooms, “perhaps to invite discipline,” but did not elaborate on what disruptive behavior meant.
At that time, RF was afraid to go to school due to threats from other students.
The school, for its part, said her feelings of fear were probably “not school related” but were due to “numerous factors and circumstances” in her life “that may have caused emotional harm, depression and anxiety.”
The bullying sent RF into a downward spiral of depression, and Farr said she attempted suicide twice. She finished her first year remotely and returned to in-person education for her second year. But when the bullying persisted, she returned to online school.
She moved the family to a new school district, but bathroom access remained an issue at her new school, and she again transitioned to online education before deciding to leave school at age 16.
Farr said: “I would never have imagined I would do it (I don’t want to use happy), but it would be okay if one of my children left school.”
She was shocked to find that her conservative parents rallied behind Mr. Farr, his daughter and her legal fight, saying: “These are not the people who raised me, let me tell you.”
Farr’s attorney, Gillian Ruddy Wilcox of the ACLU of Missouri, said her change of heart is not that unusual and that it often takes meeting an LGBTQ person to change your mind.
Her daughter is now applying for jobs and considering alternative options for graduating high school. She hopes to go to college, perhaps study law. She is also taking hormone replacement therapies to transition.
Mr Farr said: “What matters is where we are now.” Me being a loving father. I accept it, I know that this is not a choice. That’s how she was born.’