Many men live in fear of underwhelming performance in the bedroom, having trouble getting started or getting there too quickly.
This latter anxiety leads to some interesting mental strategies that men use during sex to distract themselves from the task at hand and last longer.
From thinking about grandparents on their deathbed to imagining former heads of state, others do mental puzzles and math.
These tactics are common symptoms of sexual performance anxiety, according to David Rowland, a psychology professor at Valparaiso University.
Many men choose to think about things unrelated to sex when having sex, thinking that this will prevent them from climaxing. This gives rise to a wide range of techniques.
Dr Rowland’s research has found that men’s fears of ejaculating too quickly are so intense that it makes them “reluctant to enter into a new relationship”.
The popular way to deal with this is to focus on things other than the issue at hand. Dr. Rowland told Men’s Health.
The theory, in general, is that thinking about something unrelated to sex or something unattractive might reduce a person’s arousal, moving them away from the brink of climax and giving them more time before finishing.
There are thousands of ways to do this.
Some men seek out something that disgusts them, hoping that it will quench their desire. A Reddit user He said he likes to think of a heated dumpster to keep the wolf away from the door.
Other people are more creative. At least three men have shared online photos that evoke images of the late Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher.
Another Reddit user with the screen name CyanoraHe painted a particularly descriptive version of his technique: “When I still had that problem, I was Margaret Thatcher, naked, playing baseball on a cold day. And Baron Harkonnen was the umpire.”
The latter is the grotesquely obese villain from the Dune books and film series.
Some, like Simon, 26, from France, prefer to keep it in the family, thinking of his great-grandmother.
He told Vice that thinking about her in her later years, when she was bedridden and in ‘terrible states’, alters his arousal, in the ‘rare’ situation that he wants to do it to last longer.
Premature ejaculation can affect between 30 and 70 percent of American men.
Another common response is for men to go back to school, imagining math equations in their heads.
Zoran, a 26-year-old Serbian, told Vice that he hated math class at school.
But the mental effort it takes to do the arithmetic actually helps him now, keeping him distracted longer when he’s doing homework.
The only complication, he said, is that “now when I have to do simple math, it sometimes makes me a little horny.”
Other men think of equally harmless things.
James, a 25-year-old Briton, told Metro Think of Paddington Bear eating a jam sandwich to survive.
Another popular technique is to have men think of balls, i.e. sports balls.
America’s favorite pastime is a common response: many people… exchange They arrange the batting order of their favorite team.
Abroad, other men are thinking about football. Harry, a 26-year-old Briton, He told Metro Also list the starting lineups for your favorite football team. Or, if you need a challenge, try listing the starting lineups for another team.
Reflecting on this, he said, “I’m actually surprised I ever had sex.”
Some take a different approach, like Darren, a 30-year-old Briton, who told Metro he’s more in favour of taking a break from sex to engage in other activities, such as oral stimulation. He said focusing his attention on his partner’s pleasure gave him a much-needed break.
The ideal sex session is different for each person. But one 2017 study with 1,055 women I found that the ideal entertainment lasts between seven and thirteen minutes.
Despite this, the average session usually lasts around 5.4 minutes. a separate study of 500 couples from 5 countries, conducted by sexual health experts at Utrecht University in the Netherlands.
It’s difficult to know exactly how many men suffer from premature ejaculation, as scientists don’t have access to people’s bedrooms and people are often not forthcoming about it.
But researchers estimate that it probably affects between 30 and 70 percent of American men at some point in their lives. Dr. Samuel Deemurologist at Charleston Area Medical Center, wrote in Medscape.
Studies have shown that longer sex is not always better.
In fact, the Utrecht University study found that the more sexual acts partners engaged in that included oral or other stimulation, the more likely both partners were to have an orgasm. The duration of penetration was less important in terms of overall pleasure.
Many experts advise men to relax and focus less on the length and more on the quality of time spent with their partner. In fact, they advise against getting distracted during sex.
Not only because it decreases your own pleasure, but also because it could cause you to finish faster, Dr. Michael Perelman, clinical professor of psychology and reproductive medicine at Cornell University, told Mens Health.
That’s because the anxiety that sits in the back of your brain as you imagine equations and visions of a hot dumpster stimulates the same part of your nervous system as excitement.
Then anxiety adds to the excitement and escalates the situation until it explodes, Dr. Rowland said.
“If you’re enjoying the sensations of sex, you’re not focused on thoughts like, ‘What if I finish too soon?'”
Dr. Rowland stressed that focusing on the moment will not make you finish any faster, even though that may seem counterintuitive.