Where the hell was Beyoncé?!
We were promised a diva but had to settle for poor Taylor Swift (Pink).
In the run-up to the most important speech of Kamala Harris’s life, rumors swirled that Queen Bey would grace the Democratic National Convention with her presence.
After TMZ reported that Jay-Z’s better half was indeed backstage at Chicago’s United Center on Thursday night, I spotted more than one delegate decked out in sparkly “Cowboy Carter” hats and matching silver chaps.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be an overblown farce, the entire fiasco a metaphor for what America has just witnessed.
Despite being California’s attorney general, a one-term senator and vice president, few know the real Kamala Harris.
In the run-up to the most important speech of Kamala Harris’s life, rumors swirled that Queen Bey would grace the Democratic National Convention with her presence.
From the porcelain-polished Eva Longoria to the frenetic Kerry Washington and even the Dixie Chicks (nice job ruining the national anthem, ladies!), Hollywood tried its hand at decadent glamour by paper-mache-ing this empty vessel.
But in the end, Harris had an unforgettable night. Here are my main takeaways:
1. KAMALA WHO?
Despite being California’s attorney general, a one-term senator and vice president, few know the real Kamala Harris.
Sure, she whips up salads and laughs like a circus clown, but this fembot doesn’t come with an instruction manual. is did she wire?
He has never made a major speech or stood out on a national stage (don’t you dare mention the “border czar”!).
She has also never won a single vote in a Democratic primary and dropped out of her party’s race in 2020 before the first contest, humiliated.
And now, more than a month into his campaign to oust her, he has yet to give a media interview or hold a serious press conference.
The centerpiece of her speech was autobiography: an inspiring, if bland, story of a beautiful girl born to a strong-willed immigrant mother and a father who taught her to dream big (but who no longer speaks to her, but don’t worry about that).
Then Kamala the Chameleon changed her colors once again: this time, she went from leftist and pink to moderate, in good old red, white and blue style.
We talk intensively about crackdowns on crime, tax cuts, immigration controls and a better economy.
I would almost believe it if she hadn’t been ruling the country for the past four years.
2. THE ACT OF EVERY WOMAN NO LAST
Open ChatGPT and type in “woman presidential candidate” and a typical Kamala speech appears: a collaborative mix of everything for everyone.
On Thursday, he pledged to “reduce the cost of everyday necessities like health care, housing and food… end America’s housing shortage and protect Social Security and Medicare.”
When he’s done, he says he’ll have room for a second helping, plus “tax cuts for the middle class.”
But how exactly?
It’s like a college student running for sorority president: free boob jobs for everyone and a fridge full of High Noons. It works, for the most part, until everyone gets pregnant.
From the porcelain-polished Eva Longoria (left) to the frenetic Kerry Washington (right), Hollywood, with all its decadent glamour, attempted to transform this empty vessel into papier-mâché.
On September 10, he will face Trump on the debate stage, and then, sunshine and rainbows may meet a cold front.
3. THE GHOST OF BIDEN
Kamala did her best to throw a few shovelfuls of dirt onto Biden’s political grave, but I could still see his hand rising from the freshly turned earth.
“To Joe Biden, Mr. President. When I think about the journey we’ve taken together, I am filled with gratitude. Your record is extraordinary, as history will show,” he tweeted.
Oddly enough, Joe wasn’t at the convention hall to hear the compliment. It had been shipped Monday night in a Kamala-branded package to its destination: a glue factory.
The truth is, if Biden did such an excellent job, why is Kamala proposing to fix it all?
It was his wildly irresponsible federal spending that exacerbated the COVID-19 economic crisis and triggered massive inflation.
And now we learn that nearly a million of the jobs Biden claimed to have “created” were actually not real (the Bureau of Labor Statistics claims he got the numbers wrong – oops!).
Mark my words: Harris will soon be throwing what’s left of old Sleepy under the presidential motorcade.
4. “HAPPY WARRIOR”? YES, OF COURSE!
Finally, Harris invited Americans to join her on a laughter-filled cruise beyond the country’s self-destructive culture wars to a happier place.
“Our nation has in this election a precious and fleeting opportunity to put behind us the bitterness, cynicism, and divisive battles of the past,” Harris said. “A chance to chart a new path forward. Not as members of a party or faction, but as Americans.”
Give me a break, Mother Teresa.
We won’t soon forget Harris’s “sweep the town” approach to Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearings for senator in 2018.
Then, on the thinnest foundation of all — the testimony of a woman who claimed without any compelling corroborating evidence that Kavanaugh had sexually assaulted her at a high school party decades earlier — Harris launched a political crusade to destroy a man’s life and reputation.
Why? Because he was the Republican presidential candidate, what nonsense.
But she is a “joyful warrior,” according to suspects Doug Emhoff, Bill Clinton and the Rev. Al Sharpton (all witnesses to her character).
She is a woman described by a former aide as a “bully” and faces serious allegations of having a “soul-destroying” management style.
“Merry warrior”? More like a cruel tyrant.
In the end, Kamala was Ben Affleck to the crowd’s JLo: in a sea of lonely optimists, a warm body stood on stage, a stand-in with much promise and little substance.
You can disguise the emptiness with a smart trouser suit and flowery one-liners and it will sound pretty good for 35 minutes. But as the balloons drop and the 70 long days until November are kicked off, I fear that Kandy fever will soon be followed by Krash.
(tags to translate)dailymail