This can’t be the victory lap the Sussexes had in mind.
Landing in Colombia, embarking on their latest non-royal international visit, the Gruesome Twosome seem more adrift than ever.
His new chief of staff, veteran public relations expert Josh Kettler, left after just three months on the job.
“The decision to split was mutual,” a source told People magazine, “both parties agreed it wasn’t the right choice.”
Seriously? If this split was so amicable, why wouldn’t Kettler have stayed long enough to at least accompany them on this trip abroad, instead of leaving days before?
In May we were told that Kettler was hired to “guide” Harry “through his next phase.”
But he is now one of at least 18 Sussex staff who have left their jobs since 2018 – the newest member of the “Sussex Survivors Club”, as some of these refugees call themselves.
This can’t be the victory lap the Sussexes had in mind.
The Gruesome Twosome appears to be more adrift than ever. Their new chief of staff, veteran PR expert Josh Kettler (pictured), has left after just three months on the job.
This follows royal courtier Samantha Cohen, a favourite of the late Queen for two decades, telling the Herald Sun in April that she could not move on from Meghan quickly enough.
“I was only supposed to stay for six months, but I stayed for 18,” Cohen said. “We couldn’t find a replacement for me and when we did, we took them on tour to Africa with Harry and Meghan to show them how it all works, but they left too, while they were in Africa.”
Cohen also confirmed he was among numerous staff members questioned during a Palace investigation into bullying claims made against Meghan – allegations which were denied and described at the time by a Sussex spokesperson as a “calculated smear campaign”.
“What may be most telling,” one former staff member told the Mail this week, “is that in all the time I worked there, I don’t think I ever heard any current or former employee of their staff say they would take the job again if given the opportunity.”
“These are not employees they just found off the street,” the former employee continued. “Many of them are people who had previously excelled working for demanding bosses in high-performance companies and environments.”
One can only wonder about the 5am emails and possible fits of rage these professionals must have had to endure.
Or the delusional ideas that had to be cautiously extinguished, like Harry’s supposed grand plan to interview Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin about his problems with his parents.
But of course, we can never invoke the Duchess’s favorite motto enough: Be kind, everyone!
And now the Sussexes are off to a nation with one of the highest murder rates on the planet (but the UK is too dangerous for them!) to speak to “leaders, young people and women who embody the voices and aspirations of Colombians committed to progress,” according to Vice President Francia Márquez.
Sounds specific, tangible, goal-oriented and actionable, doesn’t it?
Harry and Meghan are also expected to discuss their latest initiative, The Parents’ Network, which they launched on ‘CBS Sunday Morning’ nearly two weeks ago.
Filmed alongside parents who lost their children to suicide caused by online bullying (yes, the same two people who claimed the royals were racist as Prince Philip lay dying are against bullying), Meghan expressed shock when asked by journalist Jane Pauley about her own suicidal ideation, as previously revealed to Oprah Winfrey and a global audience of 17 million.
“I’m kind of circling around this,” Pauley said, “because I can see that you’re uncomfortable with me even going there.”
“I didn’t expect that,” Meghan replied. “But I understand why you do it.”
Didn’t she expect this? Meghan and Harry are launching a suicide awareness initiative, based in part on her own experience, and she didn’t expect this?
This follows royal courtier Samantha Cohen (centre, back), a favourite of the late Queen for two decades, telling the Herald Sun in April that she could not move on from Meghan quickly enough.
Then came the inevitable word salad, with no specifics. Meghan claimed to be speaking openly about her own experiences, serving the less fortunate, but offering nothing.
“When you’ve been through any level of pain or trauma,” she said, “I think part of our healing process, and certainly part of mine, is being able to talk openly about it. And you know, I haven’t gotten to the surface of my experience, but I think I would never want anyone else to feel that way. And I would never want anyone else to make those kinds of plans. And I would never want anyone else to not be believed.”
Not to be believed.
As always, it all comes back to our Duchess, who continually gives us many reasons not to believe.
Case in point: her much-hyped launch of American Riviera Orchard, her lifestyle brand, in March, days before she and the world learned the truth about Kate Middleton’s cancer.
Amid growing furor over Kate’s health problems, and as Prince Charles revealed his own cancer diagnosis, Meghan began promoting her jams and dog biscuits on social media.
Unfortunately, many months later, there are reports of trademark registration issues from hobbyists and no products for sale, nothing but a blank, plain home page inviting us to “Join the Waitlist.”
Among other promised ARO offerings: Meghan’s new Netflix show, based on “cooking and friendship” (ha!), has already been filmed but won’t premiere until sometime in 2025.
Reports have since circulated that, after Meghan tried and failed to appoint a CEO, Netflix could now even take over production and sales of ARO products.
There’s also Meghan’s reinvented podcast, which was revived by Lemonada after being cancelled on Spotify and delayed until next year, for unknown reasons.
Meanwhile, Harry’s only recent achievement was receiving the Pat Tillman Service Award at the ESPYs, which generated a lot of backlash.
Tillman was an NFL star who gave up his $3.6 million contract to enlist after 9/11. He was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan and is rightly regarded as an American hero. Tillman’s mother, Mary, was outraged.
“There are far more suitable recipients,” she told the Mail. “These people don’t have the money, resources, connections or privileges that Prince Harry has.”
That’s the Sussex brand: all self-celebration, no substance, constantly launching and relaunching to no avail.
Their rebrands are like the buffering symbol on your computer, endlessly trying to come full circle, end your agony, and take you somewhere else.
As for the Hollywood celebrities who might have expected a warm welcome, well, Harry and Meghan are finding themselves increasingly estranged.
They haven’t been anywhere: not the Super Bowl, not the Oscars, not the after-parties, not the Met Gala, not the Olympics. Oprah has disappeared.
As always, it all comes down to our Duchess, who continually gives us plenty of reasons not to believe her. For example, her much-publicised launch of American Riviera Orchard, her lifestyle brand, in March, days before she and the world learned the truth about Kate Middleton’s cancer.
Gwyneth — arguably Meghan’s ultimate role model — posted a supportive message on social media for Kate Middleton in June, and then managed to avoid being photographed with Meghan a few weeks ago in the Hamptons, where the two attended a summit for female entrepreneurs.
Meghan’s 43rd birthday, on August 4, came and went without any notable messages of public support or celebration.
All of which begs the question: What the hell do Harry and Meghan do all day?
Short trips to troubled countries (which the late Queen made clear they should not undertake) do not help.
One trip they will not be making this week will be to the UK for the funeral of Harry’s maternal uncle, Lord Robert Fellowes, with whom Harry was very close.
Instead, Colombia waits, staff flee and projects stall, as we wait for Meghan to teach us how to hone our hearts, our homes and our friendships.
Surely 2025 will be your year, right?
