MAUREEN CALLAHAN: ‘Eviction’ is the greatest gift to Harry and Meghan – they love playing the victim

They’re down and out!

Fresh off their brutal ‘South Park’ mockery, the Duke and Duchess of Endless Grievance have reportedly suffered another humiliation: public eviction from their British home by King Charles.

Harry and Meghan’s predictable reaction can of course be summed up in one word: Waaagh! (Courtesy of ‘South Park.’) Favorite mouthpiece Omid Scobie did the honors.

“It all feels like a very last and brutal punishment,” said Scobie, reporting what “a friend of the couple” — ahem — had to say.

“It’s like[the family]wants to remove them from the picture for good.”

Well, yes. Precisely. About time.

It seems that Harry, now on the loose in the real world, is still learning some home truths: after all, one’s actions tend to have consequences. You can’t write a memoir with a poison pen spreading all kinds of private information about your father and brother, take bitter revenge on your stepmother – Harry revealed that he and Prince William begged Charles not to marry Camilla – and undermine the monarchy itself while your millions, then expect the royals to help house you!

Oh, and lest we forget, Harry and Meghan renovated Frogmore Cottage, their wedding gift from the late Queen, for $3.2 million in tax dollars (subsequently paid back after public outcry). They then mocked their other royally gifted abode, Nottingham Cottage, in their recent Netflix docuseries, saying Oprah was appalled at their visit. So small. So cosy. Such low ceilings. How could they hold out?

Make no mistake: if you share that anecdote, you confirm it. Yet another complaint filed by Harry and Meghan, once victims of second-hand treatment, because… well, they didn’t say the royals were racist, but they never passed up an opportunity to suggest it, to raise an eyebrow pull, to allow a long pause, followed by a shrug and a sad face.

Within the walls of Frogmore, another betrayal took place – Harry and Meghan took pictures of their private moments, long before they announced their announced resignation from royal life, and they ended up on Netflix. They jumped off and demanded privacy in their new American lives as they threw themselves into Bob Iger and Ted Sarandos and Oprah and Apple TV+ and Penguin Random House.

So yes, Harry and Meghan: Please go away.

King Charles’ apparent decision to evict – reportedly taken, we now know, a day after ‘Spare’ hit shelves – is to hear his people and speak for them. This expulsion from Frogmore is symbolic of their greater expulsion from royal life. How satisfying this must be for the British public, who now rank Harry and Meghan slightly above the scandal-scarred Prince Andrew in popularity – barely.

As if to underline his anger, Charles has revealed for whom royal Frogmore is now intended: none other than Andrew, who sends Charles into exile. Now that’s what you call making a statement.

It’s been a slow game, a long game, but the royals are playing masterfully. From the Jubilee’s silent vengeance — Harry and Meghan were not just sitting in the second row but squeezed into the middle, the equivalent of a flying carriage — to their placement at the Queen’s funeral, Meghan’s face blocked from TV camera angles by a fat candle, and now reports of this eviction – it must feel like death by a thousand paper cuts.

How satisfying. How gratifying. How well deserved.

Harry – once one of the most beloved members of the royal family, successfully branded by the palace as a patriot, a military man who enjoyed serving in Afghanistan, the free-spirited younger brother of the stiffer Prince William and favorite of the Queen – has been revealed as the opposite: petulant, lazy, entitled, not very smart, emotionally limited, constantly hurt and mean. Annoying.

Who could ever forget that unnecessary passage in his memoirs where he wrote of his time as a young student making fun of a female teacher for not only being unattractive but also for having a physical disability? Who doubled that by not expressing an ounce of regret or shame?

But, of course, we all need to heed Harry, the newfound feminist and self-proclaimed mental health leader.

Speaking of, have you heard about Harry’s latest money-robbing scheme? It’s a live online chat about all his traumas. I can’t imagine him having anything new to say – how can he top stories of a frozen penis and sex next to a box of his late mother’s hair? – but for the low, low price of $33.99, you can log into a livestream chat this Saturday at noon and ask Harry your own questions.

Of course there is a caveat – what, were you expecting something simple here? Comments will be disabled and no live questions will be asked. Our prince will only handle pre-submitted and pre-approved questions.

What an awful look for a royal. Charging Walmart fees to cynically exploit your private pain and your increasingly frail connections to the royals that make it abundantly clear they want nothing to do with you.

It’s all so pathetic. Harry might as well grab a copper cup and go outside Montecito ATMs begging for extra dollar bills. So little does he seem to care about reputation, how little self-respect he seems to possess.

When news of the rumored eviction broke yesterday, Harry and Meghan stayed on-brand and headed out to a swanky LA dinner where the paparazzi were sure to make their oh-so-casual entrance, that insane smile on Meghan’s face.

Look, everyone – they’re happy! So happy! Never been better, in fact. Nothing can bring them down, not even a national harpoon by our greatest satirists, not plummeting approval ratings (they’re in the negative United States and hovering just above Andrew in Britain), not sidelining them at the impending coronation – should they choose to be present – through Camilla’s children.

And certainly not a public eviction, regardless of what their trusty mouthpiece Scobie says, regardless of the leak that two royals (I suspect Andrew’s daughters) are “shocked.” Not a best-selling memoir that nevertheless backfired and did Harry some serious damage, not distancing herself from Oprah and other heavy hitters. Laughing stocks, smashing stocks – it’s all the same for Harry and Meghan.

After all, in their minds, King Charles has given them a gift greater than multimillion-dollar real estate: more fodder for their ongoing Victimization Tour.