Maura Higgins bravely spoke out about her best friend’s death, admitting she blamed herself for it, in an emotional new interview on Tuesday.
The Love Island icon, 33, reflected on how her close friend Andrew Rowan tragically died aged 26 when his motorcycle was involved in a three-car crash in Co Athlone, Ireland, in 2017.
Maura shared how the tragic accident made her realize how short life can be and admitted she still struggles with the loss.
Speaking to Paul Carrick Brunson on his We Need to Talk podcast, Maura said: “For a long time I blamed myself for it because when I look back on that day, it was crazy.”
I can’t think about that. He called me and had finished work early, which really wasn’t meant to happen. He said: “I finished work early, let’s go eat something.” I thought, “They can’t fuck with me, I’m still in my pajamas, they really can’t fuck with me.”
Maura Higgins bravely spoke out about her best friend’s death, which she blamed on herself, in an emotional new interview on Tuesday.
The Love Island icon, 33, reflected on how her close friend Andrew Rowan tragically died aged 26 when his motorcycle was involved in a three-car crash in Co Athlone, Ireland, in 2017.
Maura continued: “I’m not as bad as I was, but I still think, ‘Why didn’t I go with him?’ He wouldn’t have gone on the motorbike, we would have gone in his car, we would have gotten food and maybe the day would have been different.’
Holding back tears, the model said: ‘I don’t want to cry. I’m not a crybaby either. “I think I punished myself because it would have been different.”
Paul asked the Irish star if she really blamed herself to this day, to which she replied: “I know it would have been different if I had dressed up and wasn’t so lazy.”
Despite not having gone to dinner with Andrew, Maura revealed that she had actually seen him on the day of his death.
She shared: “I didn’t go to dinner but I still saw him that day. I’ll never forget him coming in on his bike and I remember him straight away saying ‘why are you on the bike?’ He’s not a biker and every time I was on it he just I didn’t understand it. I just didn’t like it. He said, “It’s a great day, it’s a beautiful day outside.”
“I’ll never forget when he left he said he was going for a bike ride. I went into the bathroom and I could hear his motorcycle and I got chills.
‘I remember thinking: “Maura, stop thinking badly.” Then a few hours later I get a phone call. It’s such a strange day when I look back.
Reflecting on the moment she heard Andrew had died in the crash, Maura admitted she didn’t believe the news and called him “maybe 100 times.”
Maura shared how the tragic accident made her realize how short life can be and admitted she still struggles with the loss.
Speaking to Paul Carrick Brunson on his We Need to Talk podcast, Maura said: “For a long time I blamed myself for it because when I look back on that day, it was crazy.”
Holding back tears, the model said: ‘I don’t want to cry. I’m not a crybaby either. I think I just punished myself because it would have been different.’
She She confessed that she “physically couldn’t stop” when her boyfriend at the time broke the tragic news and said she knew it was true “immediately” when she saw his face.
Elsewhere in the podcast, Maura admitted she “didn’t want to be here” after her sudden fame on Love Island.
The model, who starred in the ITV dating series in 2019, said she suffered “dark thoughts” after being “dropped off” in London from her native Ireland.
Maura recalled the “very scary” period of her life when she was exposed to the public with no one she could trust.
She began: ‘Life after Love Island was a very difficult time in my life.
“I just got dropped off in the UK. It was like someone picked me up, dropped me off in the UK and I was in the public eye. I had nowhere to live. I had no friends, no family, no one I could trust.
Maura continued: ‘I’ve done it all myself. I have been independent all my life. But that was a lot. That was terrifying. Very, very afraid.
And I remember many times that I faked a smile. Work was very busy. He barely slept.
‘The paparazzi followed me everywhere. I didn’t have clothes. I had a suitcase with nothing but Love Island bikinis that were probably crunchy.
Elsewhere in the podcast, Maura admitted she “didn’t want to be here” after her sudden fame on Love Island.
She admitted: ‘I had a nervous breakdown. I had dark thoughts, very dark thoughts. And it got to the point where I don’t even think I told my mum (pictured on Love Island in 2019)
“I had nothing, absolutely nothing. I lived in a hotel in London because that was where all my work was and I was very overloaded. There was no rest.
“It was going from one thing to another, like, on the radio, to this photo shoot for you to sign with brands.”
She admitted: ‘I had a nervous breakdown. I had dark thoughts, very dark thoughts. And it got to a point where I don’t think I even told my mother. I tell my mom everything. I didn’t tell him how bad it was.
‘I didn’t want to be here anymore. I thought that was going to be the best.
‘A lot was expected of me. And since I was there alone, I thought, “I don’t have anyone to help me.”
‘Moving countries while exposed to public opinion is terrifying. I felt so mentally exhausted just putting on the smile. There were so many things I did that I don’t even remember. “I was miserable,” Maura revealed.
The TV personality, who finished fourth on the UK show’s fifth season in 2019, is now Love Island USA’s social media ambassador. Since then, she has appeared on Dancing on Ice and presented segments on This Morning.