There are two things I know men are good at. The first is to separate love from sex. The second is lying.
I know why couples cheat, I know what they secretly desire and I know what’s on their minds.
How do I know that? I am not a psychiatrist and not a wife. I prefer women’s company and I don’t have a partner.
If you don’t know my story, here it is. I was a journalist for national magazines before giving up my “normal life” to become an escort in my late 30s. Not the decision most people make when looking for a change, but it works for me, for many complex reasons that I struggle to understand.
I wrote two bestselling books about my travels and ended up running my own escort agency for mature women.
My busiest lady was a 60-year-old – but that’s a different column.
Amanda Goff, aka Samantha X, was an escort in her late 30s (above)
I’ve been hanging around heels lately, but I’ve been in the adult industry for a decade. I paid a lot of money for my time and was named the most expensive escort in Australia (among other things).
I’ve met so many amazing women, and I understand men, all kinds of men. Single, widowed, divorced, young, old, disabled, sick…and of course married men.
Ah, married men.
If there’s one thing married men have taught me, it’s not to get married. If you want to ruin a great relationship, go down the aisle. (If you’re happily married, good for you. Come back to me in 30 years.)
Another thing I learned is that the sex industry is not about sex. And the first reason why men saw escorts?
communication. That’s right, connection.
As an escort, I didn’t swing from chandeliers or go to sex clubs in secret dungeons (disappointing, I know). The most requested service was a friendly experience – meaning listening, support and guidance.
Here are the top three reasons men cheat, with three disclaimers: Not all men, not all marriages, and it’s never your fault.
Goff (above) was with a large number of married men in her previous profession
1. Someone to talk to
Believe it or not, men love to talk. They are very emotional and vulnerable. They tell me they are so afraid of being the weaklings in the house, that instead they feel they need to be the “strong one”. They worry that they might cause you undue stress if they whine about their problems. Why they chose to pay thousands of dollars for an escort instead of seeing a counselor I even found baffling and pointed this out several times. The answer was always, “I don’t want to be judged.”
2. They miss foreplay.
You don’t need to tell me that sex is the last thing on your mind when you’re married — I get it. I’d rather have a cup of tea these days and I’m supposed to be a pleasant lady. There’s a lot to be said for the two-minute quickie. But guys secretly want to spend hours in bed with you but say they’re tired of rejection. They miss foreplay (they don’t make you happy the other way around) and don’t always want it all to end before you say “Pass me the TV controls, MAFS is on.”
3. You had an affair.
When it comes to cheating, we always blame the guys. They’re the ones who always cheat, right? Wrong – they are the ones who get caught. A married man in his late fifties spent two hours sitting on the bed fully clothed reeling around his wife who had just gone off with her personal trainer. Another man was hit by a shell after his wife and children hit him. He tearfully told me he didn’t even know how to boil an egg. (Don’t ask me, I’m not a great cook.) While a wife may turn a blind eye to her husband’s mistake, men do not. Their ego will not allow it. If they stay (and men rarely leave), they’ll see that as a green light to do whatever they want, so you’re “quit.”
4. Seeing a companion doesn’t mean they don’t like you
4) I know I said 3, but this is also an important point. This also does not mean that they are seeing other women or having relationships. They don’t want to leave you for another woman, and they certainly don’t want to run away with an escort (and no escort in the history of this land will want to run away with your husband either – that’s like taking your home business with you). Men are like puppies that chew on your shoes, they can’t help themselves.
Wait until I tell you the reasons why women see male escorts. Now this will blow your mind.
“Samanatha X” or Amanda Goff, is a former escort, author and columnist.
Amanda Goff has plenty of advice for women on why men cheat (above)
