It’s one of the most highly anticipated books of the year – the Duchess of Sussex’s first children’s book, The Bench.
Meghan dedicated the 34-page illustrated story to Prince Harry and their son Archie, saying they “make my heart beat.”
Still, after its release this week, critics were unimpressed, with one calling it a “self-help guide for needy parents,” though kids might get excited about the colorful pictures, if not the clunky verse.
In a spirit of fun, the Mail’s incomparable satirist CRAIG BROWN takes a jovial stab in his own interpretation of Meghan’s poetry…
Meghan Markle’s 34-page illustrated story was released this week and critics were disappointed. The Mail’s incomparable satirist Craig Brown takes a jovial stab at his own interpretation of Meghan’s poetry
1. This is my desk
Where I come up with verses
That I can never fully scan
But at least they rhyme
Quite a bit of time
And if you think they don’t
Well, that’s your opinion, not mine.
Or would that ‘mine’ be better than ‘dirty’
rhyme with ‘time’
Or ‘lime’, or ‘mime’, or ‘slime’?
Writing nursery rhymes is so difficult, I am I
Tempted to call it a day
And spend all my energy
To save our planet
Instead of just copying that Janet
And book John
I read as a child
Don’t say I didn’t
Because my truth is that I did.
This is my desk
Where I call my friends Serena
Oprah, Amal, the Beckhams and Barack
‘Hey guys! Good idea! Let’s make our world greener!’
This is my desk
Where I take calls from the Queen
‘Hey! meg! How are you?
What’s new, honey? Where have you been?’
2. We talk about everything, HM and I –
Kanye, lip gloss, sushi and fashion
Personal growth, box sets, book deals and TV,
And how to spread love, peace, truth and compassion.
HM ask my advice
About how to be authentic
I tell her it means speaking
Almost like you meant it.
‘You should smile and wave more,
Be true to your roots.
Do a little sincere –
That’s a trick I learned on Suits.
‘And when love flows’
It will be like heaven, you
Being overloaded with awards
Besides increasing your turnover.’
And it’s about this time that I tell her
I made a foolish bet
That I’ll decide we’re besties
By calling my girl Lilibet.
3. This is the chicken coop
Where we feed our chicks
They are all under contract
Looking cute on Netflix.
4. This is your desk
Where the critics can’t hurt you
And you can spend all day
Signaling your virtue.
This is the desk
For daddy and son when he gets older
Though not MY daddy –
No, I gave him the cold shoulder.
I won’t talk to my sister either
That viper, shark, panther:
You can speak of compassion, but
Don’t name Samantha.
Here on my desk,
The place you will call home thuis
With daddy and son
Where you’ll never be ‘lonely’
Oh my gosh I can’t make lone
Rhyme with home.
My nursery rhyme has unfolded
But as a proud mother, wife, feminist, duchess, and activist, I remain committed to elevating and uniting communities, spreading compassion, attending premieres, dressing smart/casual, and telling our truth
To the world.