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Married at first sight RECAP: Alex Michael discusses episode 9 – the ceremony

If you had one chance, one chance to earn $ 1,000 every time you strip and squat on Instagram, would you go after it or just let it slip?

That was the question of our three relationship Stooges during the first ceremony of Married At First Sight on Sunday, when ten couples decided to stay for the wages.

Meanwhile, Australians were forced to decide whether they would rather watch fiery battles or Fire Fight, as MAFS competed in the ratings with Seven’s bushfire charity gala.

The ceremony ceremony: at Married At First Sight on Sunday evening, ten couples decided to stop or continue to pay

The ceremony ceremony: on Sunday evening, Married At First Sight, ten couples decided to stop or pay

In the real world, counseling sessions for couples are held in private rooms with trained professionals.

But this is reality TV, so instead the cast got seats on the ring side to watch a public forum that was organized by three volunteer psychologists that Nine had found sleeping in the parking garage.

The following is a (usually) accurate summary of the commitment ceremony, which is somewhat similar to the faux-moral equivalent of Survivor’s tribal council.

Real (ity): in the real world, counseling sessions for couples are held in private rooms with trained professionals. At MAFS, ten couples are given stadium seats to watch the massacre, organized by three voluntary relationship experts

Real (ity): in the real world, counseling sessions for couples are held in private rooms with trained professionals. At MAFS, ten couples are given stadium seats to watch the massacre, organized by three voluntary relationship experts

Real (ity): in the real world, counseling sessions for couples are held in private rooms with trained professionals. At MAFS, ten couples are given stadium seats to watch the massacre, organized by three voluntary relationship experts

Hayley and David

The Main Event: Hayley bursts into tears when David calls her a “recovering” drug addict instead of a recovered drug addict “and David is still angry that Hayley mocks his $ 25-an-hour wage

The spectacular main event was the only session that really felt, as David brought up Hayley’s brutal criticism of his $ 25 per hour wage.

Hayley burst into tears when David called her a “recovering” drug addict instead of a recovered drug addict.

Hayley: I’m not my past!

David: My father is an agent so I classify your smoking as drug use. In other words, you are not your past, but your present does not work for me either

“I’m a good egg!” She cries louder when David seems to classify her smoking as drug use and insists that smoking was his only dealbreaker. Decision: STAY (we hate each other but we want $)

Cathy and Josh

Sexual cure: John Aiken: So how are you two? Josh: Thank you so much sex, yourself? Decision: STAY (it's true love)

Sexual cure: John Aiken: So how are you two? Josh: Thank you so much sex, yourself? Decision: STAY (it's true love)

Sexual cure: John Aiken: So how are you two? Josh: Thank you so much sex, yourself? Decision: STAY (it’s true love)

John Aiken: So how are you two doing?

Josh: Thank you so much sex, yourself?

Amanda and Tash

In the zone: I got friends zones on our honeymoon, after racist profiling a kangaroo and crying in her breakfast cereal

In the zone: I got friends zones on our honeymoon, after racist profiling a kangaroo and crying in her breakfast cereal

In the zone: I got friends zones on our honeymoon, after racist profiling a kangaroo and crying in her breakfast cereal

Amanda: I got a zone of friends on our honeymoon, after I racially profiled a kangaroo and cried in her breakfast cereal.

Tash: I’m really committed to making this FRIENDSHIP work.

Tash further explains how Wednesday’s dinner, where she ignored Amanda to set up a ‘free lap dance’ stand for the other brides, was a good ‘bonding moment’.

“Bonding”: Amanda lies shamelessly and says the dinner was a good “bonding” moment, although Tash spent the night giving free dancing around. Conclusion STAY (we won’t leave until we have more Insta followers than Rove McManus)

Stacey and Michael

I’ll have what she has! John: So how are you two doing? Michael: Add what Josh said, “I’m obsessed with her.” Stacey: I laugh because of the pain.

John: So how are you two doing?

Michael: Add what Josh said, “I’m obsessed with her.”

Stacey: I laugh because of the pain

Decision: STAY (I will continue to do this until those law firms respond to my calls)

Decision: STAY (I will continue to do this until those law firms respond to my calls)

Decision: STAY (I will continue to do this until those law firms respond to my calls)

Mishel and Steve

John: Hello Steve! Mishel: I'm here too! John: Cool, so Steve, it would be weird if we had the same haircut

John: Hello Steve! Mishel: I'm here too! John: Cool, so Steve, it would be weird if we had the same haircut

Steve: Yes John, it would be

Steve: Yes John, it would be

Three is a crowd: John is too busy foaming Steve’s hair to pay attention to Mishel. Decision: STAY (we have no complaints, this is the equivalent of this show of true love)

John: Hello Steve!

Mishel: I’m here too

John: Cool. So Steve, would it be weird if I had the same haircut as you? This hipster in Newtown doesn’t work for me

Decision: STAY (we have no complaints, this is the equivalent of this show of true love)

Poppy and Luke

Full: Poppy: You’ve linked me to a ‘feeder’ and I’m already too full of my own self-hatred – so I’ll just lie and say, “I miss my kids”

Poppy: You’ve linked me to a ‘feeder’ and I’m already too full of my own self-hatred – so I’ll just lie and say, “I miss my kids”

Luke: She becomes so when she is hungry

Well, she’s full of it, if you mean that

Decision: STAY (who needs chemistry if you have to pay bills?)

Decision: STAY (who needs chemistry if you have to pay bills?)

Decision: STAY (who needs chemistry if you have to pay bills?)

Decision: STAY (who needs chemistry if you have to pay bills?)

Aleks and Ivan

Ivan: We are both loud, stubborn and are in the same ASIO database

Ivan: We are both loud, stubborn and are in the same ASIO database

Aleks: I asked for tall, dark and handsome - and one in three is not bad!

Aleks: I asked for tall, dark and handsome - and one in three is not bad!

Meet our match: Ivan praises the experts for finding the only woman who did not refer him to ASIO. Aleks said: I asked for tall, dark and handsome – and one in three is not bad!

Ivan: We are both loud, stubborn and are in the same ASIO database.

Aleks: I asked for tall, dark and handsome – and one in three is not bad! He just has to keep his opinions and body parts to himself and he’ll be fine.

Married At First Sight will take place on Channel Nine on Monday at 7:30 PM

Decision: STAY (we will hate each other until the day we die)

Decision: STAY (we will hate each other until the day we die)

Decision: STAY (we will hate each other until the day we die)

…and the rest

Jonethen and Connie

Connie: Yes, things are great – if Jonethen is not on, the phone is.

Jonethen: Sorry, what did you say? I was just calling.

Decision: STAY (here for wages)

Vanessa and Chris

John: Let’s just finish this because you have had less than five minutes of broadcasting time throughout the season and I’m just bored looking at you

Decision: STAY (True love)

Natasha and Mikey

Natasha: We didn’t have sex during the honeymoon, but were certainly intimate.

Mikey: She tries everything, even when it’s outside of her comfort zone.

Translation: Mikey has a lot of weird fetishes and Natasha is hanging around there

Decision: STAY (here for wages)

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