You may have seen the photos of Love Island presenter Maya Jama last week, wearing a sheer cobalt blue lace dress, cut out in the middle to look like a bra, and a sarong skirt with a slit at the front.
For context, I was partying in Ibiza, it was hot and I was wearing flip flops, but Jama also just stepped out. Her Ibiza look was not only Hot Love Island style, but a five-star Revenge dress, at least according to her fans.
The timing of the dress certainly puts it in the revenge dress (RD) category. She wore it just hours after she and rapper Stormzy released a joint statement explaining that they were splitting up, once again. And it certainly is an attention-grabbing dress (RD requirement number one).
Love Island’s Maya Jama rocked a cobalt blue sheer lace dress in Ibiza last week following her split from rapper Stormzy.
In Maya’s case, however, things are rather more complex. A Revenge dress is, by definition, several notches more astonishing than the usual best formal dress, and her clothes usually score a 9 or 10 on the Look At Me scale anyway. She wears rubber corset tops and skin-colored tight skirts without a second thought.
And according to the couple’s detailed statement, their split couldn’t be more amicable. So there’s no revenge per se, this time around. Just good vibes.
Anyway, this is a revenge dress. A RD is really any dress that is worn with the intention, conscious or not, of making someone notice you and regret letting you go, even if the breakup was your idea.
Strictly speaking, it shouldn’t be called a revenge dress, but rather a dress that says “Look what you’re missing now” or “Look how fast I moved on.” Or even a dress that says “Don’t you love being in control again.” But revenge sounds good, and if seeing it hurts someone a little, then all the better.
We’ve all had our DR moments. Sometimes they’re forced on you: you find out she’s going to be at the party and you have to work quickly, wipe your puffy eyes, get out of bed, and borrow a stunning dress from your best friend.
Revenge dresses are meant as a message of defiance, a sign that there is life after your ex.
Sometimes an RD is someone you haven’t been able to wear for years; or it’s a dress you loved and he thought was too much; or it’s an outfit (it doesn’t need to be a dress) that he would never have dreamed you would wear; and sometimes it’s armor to protect your broken heart.
But what all RDs have in common is that they are meant as a message of defiance, a sign that there is life after your ex and also endless possibilities. You may not hold a grudge against her, but you would still very much like her to look at you in wonder and regret that things didn’t turn out differently. Wouldn’t you like your next girlfriend to be as attractive as me?
Revenge, like revenge itself, is best planned carefully and not launched in a fit of rage. The revenge dress that has remained etched in all our memories was the little black Gucci dress Diana wore to a Vanity Fair party at the Serpentine Gallery 30 years ago, the night of the Jonathan Dimbleby interview, when Charles admitted his infidelity on national television.
That dress had everything. It was black (along with red, the quintessential colors of revenge: dramatic, strong, confident). It was very sexy and tighter than anything she had ever worn before. And it was a bold, fast-moving Gucci, not a sleek, restrained Caroline Charles, another small sign that she was embarking on a new life.
We all remember it because it was chic and surprisingly sexy. Lately we’ve gotten into the habit of equating revenge dressing with revealing the body, showing skin, dressing to stop traffic (the more you show, the stronger the message), but this is basic revenge dressing.
Princess Diana’s famous revenge dress, worn at a Vanity Fair party 30 years ago
The best RD should make your ex gasp, admire, and think twice—not just because you look great, but because you look like your most confident, radiant, beautiful self. The best version of you. The one you’d been hiding, or they’d been repressing, or your life together had somehow denied. You can do it with bright blue lace that becomes like a second skin, or a skirt that reveals your legs (both in Maya’s case), or you can do it with something long, black, and painfully sophisticated that makes him think, “Who is that?” thatDid I underestimate her?
That was the direction Jennifer Garner chose for her first public appearance after her split from Ben Affleck: a sculpted, one-shoulder diva gown that looked like couture, with a smoky eye and pout. RD chose it perfectly, especially since her brand was a fresh-faced girl-next-door look. Showing what you’ve got — but not necessarily revealing it all — is an important part of a successful and memorable revenge outfit.
Following her split from Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner wore a sculpted diva gown at the 2016 Oscars
Jennifer Aniston also went for the soft, sensual approach after Brad Pitt left her for Angelina Jolie. She appeared solo at the premiere of her 2005 film Derailed in a sleeveless, sequin-embellished, soft-gold Chanel gown that looked like it was sewn onto her perfect, toned body. It was her Marilyn dress moment. She truly glowed, and that healthy, happy look is the most important accessory a RD needs – no amount of form-fitting couture can cover up a month of sleepless nights.
We should spare a thought for the famous women out for revenge. It’s not easy to up the wow factor considering their average appearance on an “everything is fine” day.
Liz Hurley’s fabulous silver satin gown with a plunging neckline in 2000, a few months after she and Hugh Grant split, was radical. But so was the safety-pinned Versace dress she wore to the premiere of Four Weddings and a Funeral six years earlier, with Grant.
The fabulous, plunging silver satin dress worn by Liz Hurley in 2000, a few months after she and Hugh Grant split.
The Princess of Wales, during the brief period in which she and William were “on break”, wasted no time in changing into a very cute 1970s disco skating outfit.
Similarly, the short sequin dress Britney Spears wore to the premiere of Crossroads in 2002, just after her split from Justin Timberlake, looked a lot like the dress Britney would wear to the premiere of her own movie: dazzling and naughty on camera. Going the extra mile and looking your best after a breakup is a little harder to pull off when you’re dressing up all the time.
This also means that celebrities are less likely to make fools of themselves in the DR area.
Civilians are more vulnerable and can spot a hastily chosen civilian RD at 50 paces. A revenge dress should be sexy, but it doesn’t have to be tight, it doesn’t have to be low-cut or revealing of legs, and if you’re thinking of an RD, remember that it should never be all of the above. The most important thing is that it should look like you were born to wear it, rather than borrowed from your strong, smaller-sized friend.
You might want to ask her for advice, though. Like beer goggles, post-breakup goggles are a real thing. In the red haze of a relationship’s bitter end, or in the rosy glow of freedom, you’re likely feeling a little adrift and more inclined to take risks (or maybe you just don’t care). An RD should be mumbling sweet revenge, not shouting it from the rooftops, because the goal is to make it seem like you’ve transitioned into the new person, back to being even better than before, not someone desperately trying to get their ex’s attention.
Some good tips for dressing for someone who has recently been dumped are:
- Wearing very high heels when you couldn’t wear them before because of your partner’s height;
- Relaxed boho festival style that you couldn’t get away with before because it was more of a golf club, shirt and tie type look;
- Leopard print (I hated it; some men hate it)
- ‘Modify’ a dress that you bought and turn it from a normal dress into a hot dress
- Stepping out of your comfort zone and showing off. If you recall, the Princess of Wales, during the brief period when she and William were “on break,” wasted no time in donning a 1970s disco skating jumpsuit and guess what, it worked like a charm. They were back in it before you could say “nice shorts.”
How effective is dressing up for revenge? It’s a great self-esteem booster. It’s fun. It’s worth it. But if you really want revenge, cut up his best shirts. Better yet, date his best friend.