After my mother died, I spend Christmas alone, by choice. This is why I love it

Alyssa Lauren, 26, from Los Angeles was too sad to spend last Christmas with other people. Her mother had just died and Alyssa preferred to think alone. Yet this year is very different, she says: she is completely alone again – but entirely by her own choice! This is why…

My mother passed away unexpectedly a week before my 25th birthday in September 2023.

I had gone to visit her home in Inland Empire, California, with my then-boyfriend, and when she got up to pack some leftovers for me, she just collapsed. It was a stroke.

We rushed her to the hospital and she was operated on, but she was already brain dead. She was only 54.

I have no contact with my father, so my mother was the only family I had. For most of my life, we spent small but warm Christmases with her friends. When she died, everything changed.

That first Christmas after her death, my friends invited me to join their families, but I knew how sad I would be. I didn’t want to bring that negativity into their homes.

So I stayed alone and tried to stay positive by doing little festive things: on Christmas Eve I decided to get my favorite meal, like cooking seafood.

The day itself was tough. Still, this year, even though people think it’s strange, I’ve decided to spend Christmas alone again – and I’m actually looking forward to it.

I had always been the type of person who hated being alone; now I want to prove that I can do it – and that it will teach me how to truly appreciate family moments together in the future.

I know my mom still wants me to celebrate because even though life looks a little different right now, I have so much to be grateful for. That’s why I planned a special day, just for me.

To make me feel festive, I went to Target, like my mom and I used to do – we had a private tradition of fighting back and forth over what color ornaments to get – and then put a small tree in my room with a few decorations.

And to keep me busy, I have a few Christmas movies planned. I love diary writing, and then I write a few letters to my friends and hand them over on New Year’s Eve for good luck.

I won’t be making Christmas dinner, but I have a plan to honor my mother. I’m Filipino, but I grew up in a part of California where many of my neighbors are Mexican. So my mother always cooked pozole, a meat stew with grated vegetables. I will succeed this year.

I will also start a new Christmas tradition: writing a letter to my future children. I’ll tell them, I know you’re not here yet, but I just want you to know that just thinking about you fills a hole in my heart.

So if you’re like me and find yourself alone at Christmas, do something you love and be grateful for what you have in front of you.

Don’t let one bad event in your life overshadow all the good.